I'm annoyed and frustrated with my roommate

I finally moved into a university apartment this year with two of my other sorority sisters (we don’t have Greek life houses) after Covid restrictions lifted. The thing with the university apartments is that it is 4 to a dorm for the building I am in. So when me and my sisters were selecting our apartment, the only size that would fit us all was if we got a 4-person dorm. I volunteered to get a randomly placed roommate and my other two sisters could room together. Everything is fine, I’m usually chill with anything thrown my way.

I end up getting my roommate assignment and I see her name. We find each other on Instagram and all of that. She seems nice, all is good. Then move-in day comes along. We’re all happy and excited to see each other. However, after the first week of classes, things started getting weird.

The first week, I would go to use our bathroom maybe 15-20 minutes after she takes a shower and my socks would get soaked when I immediately stepped into our bathroom. My first thought was the toilet was backed up so I looked and the water level was fine. I flush the toilet. It flushes fine. So I’m standing there confused because the entire floor is flooded from one end of the bathroom to the other (and our bathroom is pretty big compared to most college dorm bathrooms) and the entire rug I put there when I moved in is sopping wet. I step on the rug and water flows from it. I then realize that SHE did that when she showered. So now I’m thinking “did she shower OUTSIDE of the tub???” because there is no way the floor looks this flooded with any other reason.

On top of flooding the bathroom, she takes 45 minute showers… Yes, 45 minute showers. It makes me beyond mad because, first of all, that is a waste of water and, second of all, we all have places to be and she takes up so much time. To add on to a 45 minute shower, she tops it off by spending an extra 30 minutes in the bathroom as well and, mind you, our sink is outside of the shower/toilet space… And that doesn’t even cover the time she spends standing in front of our closet (which has a mirror) to do her makeup when she has her own personal mirror and the one in front of the sink.

I also think she broke our apartment microwave. She put in a thick, plastic container with her food and I could smell something weird when she left it in the microwave for SEVEN MINUTES, like burning plastic or something like that and next thing we know, the microwave won’t heat any food after she uses it.

And the incessant cleaning. She cleaned the inside of the microwave with bleach or something and now it smells like chemicals. She added this blue cleaning thing to our toilet that never runs out so now our water is always blue. There is always some chemical smelling thing going on in our bathroom and in the kitchen. The first week, I told her I had cleaned the bathroom because I was fixing our toilet (it wouldn’t fill up with water) and water got everywhere so I cleaned everything in the bathroom (because ew, toilet water) and she still cleaned it herself. Like I wasn’t to be trusted to actually clean the bathroom.

Even though she is always cleaning, she can’t clean her dishes. I am always cleaning her dishes. At first, we didn’t have a chore chart and the rule was “if you notice it, clean it” like take out the trash if you see that it’s piling up or clean the dishes if it’s piling up in the sink. It’s either me or on of my sorority sisters who clean the dishes. She puts her messy dishes that are filled with food that’s stuck to it and expects us to clean it. She put her gross dishes in the sink right before she left for the weekend because she didn’t want to clean it.

She also makes a lot of noise when I’m sleeping. I mean, I wake up early in the morning cause I have early morning classes, but I keep the noise to a minimum. I spend a good minute opening the closet door slowly so it doesn’t wake her up at 6 in the morning but when I’m napping, it’s like human decency flies out the window. I had a migraine so I was sleeping and she comes back to the dorm after she was away for the weekend and starts slamming her stuff down, pulling open the closet door like she was trying to set a world record for noisiest door opener. She also takes calls when I’m sleeping… Just recently, she comes briefly from being away only to go back right after (which doesn’t make sense) and makes a lot of noise when I’m trying to nap and talks to me… when I’m sleeping. And then the next day, I’m taking a nap and she comes in again, this time back from the weekend for sure, and starts making a lot of noise. Obviously I half wake up, see it’s her, and go back to sleep. I turn around to adjust my position and she takes that as a sign that I’m awake when I’m still trying to sleep. She starts talking to me and asking questions. Obviously I ignore her, but what the heck? It’s so annoying.

On top of this, I never get the room to myself. I wake up, she’s in there. I come back from class, she’s in there. I leave for class, she’s in there. I go to sleep, she’s in there. I go to an event, she’s in there. I come back from an event, still in there. Like girl, leave. I never get to get ready in the room, I never get a moment to myself. She’s always in there at her desk, on FaceTime, being loud and I sit in the living room out of politeness… Why am I the one to always being polite?? Not to mention whenever I skip class, she also skips class. It’s very annoying. I come back from skipping a class because I need a mental break from the day and I walk into the room and guess who is sitting at her desk? I get filled with rage as she smiles at me saying “oh you skipped class too?” Or when I know she has class at a certain time and she’s still sleeping. Get up! I think it’s unfair that I never get any part of the room to myself except on the weekends. I actually look forward to her leaving on Fridays and not coming back until Monday morning. Like, it’s not just your room.

Finally, the grand finale that takes the cake: she doesn’t hear her alarm. I get it, I’ve slept through my alarm once or twice. I’ve been so tired that I just sleep through my alarm or turn it off, half-asleep, and go about my slumber. But she puts it on super low, which shouldn’t be a problem, right? Wrong. First of all, her phone is right next to her, which is where her alarm is playing from. It’s right next to her head and regardless of volume level, theoretically she should be able to hear it. But she doesn’t. And this wouldn’t be assumed to be a problem for me because the volume level is low, right? Also wrong. I can hear it from my side of the room. I always wake up to her incessant alarm, which goes on for about 30 minutes to an hour without her turning it off. And she never hears it! Today her alarm went off for 45 minutes and she didn’t even go to class that the alarm was for… I even tried making a lot of noise and she still wouldn’t get up to turn off her stupid alarm. And I can’t reach for it to turn it off cause it’s on the side between her and the wall.

Sometimes I feel like I’m being overdramatic because, overall, we get along and she’s really nice. But I really don’t want to be her roommate. I have no idea what to do cause I lowkey don’t want to talk about her to our RA, but at this point I don’t see another option because it’s getting to the point where I’m considering asking her to move out or ask one of my sorority sisters to switch room with me for the rest of the year. And, mind you, we’re only halfway through our first semester… It’s only been about 2 months of living with her. It usually takes me longer to get annoyed with someone’s living habits because I come from a family of 6 and I’m used to some of this, but definitely these past 2 months annoyed me more than living with my family for 18 years… Please help. I need advice.

Sounds like it’s time for a roommate meeting with all four of you. Hash out new ground rules, a cleaning schedule, quiet hours, and discuss whatever else people feel isn’t working. Pull your RA in if you need back up or ideas for the new roommate agreement.


Is this your first time having a roommate? My freshman is in a traditional dorm room for 2, bathroom in the hallway, and they have a 3rd girl who doesn’t get along with her roommate living in the room toon(and she’s a slob). It sounds like you have access to a living room and kitchen too? I hear you with the plates, that should be an easy fix, everyone washes their own dishes, period. That she cleans too much? As the only person in my family of 7 who cleans anything, I wish I had an ocd cleaning child. The alarm thing, she needs to make it louder so she wakes up, I had a kid who would sleep through his alarm in high school (I could hear it on another floor), so I got him a super loud one that vibrated his pillow. As for being in the bedroom too much, well, you get the whole weekend, and honestly she pays for it and there are other areas. Tell her not to wake you up if you are in bed. It’s not her fault she decided to skip a class the same time you decided to skip class. You can not ask her to leave, she has every right to be there. I went to college, my kids went to college, these complains are minor (she’s not getting drunk and pissing in your garbage can of having her boyfriend sleep over nightly, right?). Talk to her about some, but let the others go.

This is exactly why you want to bring in your RA’s. This is their job. They have been through compromising situations and can best advise you what to do.


If you haven’t talked to her yet about these things, then it’s important to do that first before getting the RA involved…although she seems super-inconsiderate, maybe she’s just a little oblivious but meaning no harm. Break down what you’ve stated here into simple bullet-style point-by-point statements of the things you would like to change, maybe organized into main areas… chores/cleaning, noise level when you are sleeping, the shower issue, and maybe time set aside for each of you to have a chance for at least a little privacy during the week. Then briefly talk to her about each one.

Try not to be all negative…and don’t do this when you’re feeling really angry! Start out by saying the things you do appreciate about her to set a nice tone. Say it’s normal for roommates to have differences to iron out. Focus on the assumption that she will help make positive changes once she knows these things have been bothering you. Also assume that maybe she would also like to make changes and ask her if anything you do bothers her. That way you’re less likely to insult or humiliate her and turn this into a downward spiral. If it turns out she really is just inconsiderate and unwilling to at least try or compromise after a week or so…that’s when you go to the RA. Good luck!