<p>I did my undergrad at SUNY binghamton, a good well known accounting school
I graduated with a 3.972 overall gpa with a ba in accounting. I was accepted into their MS in accounting program.</p>
<p>here’s the bad news:
I was diagnosed bipolar my last semester there. I got arrested twice, and went crazy because of my disorder. My parents won’t let me finish in binghamton, even though i deffered admission there for a year, and have been healthy for a year.
I got rejected from Baruch MS in accounting, the best program local for a MS in accounting, which my parents would let me go to.
The only other school I got accepted to was SUNY Old westury, which doesn’t have the greatest reputation. and hofstra, with id have to pay 35k for.</p>
<p>My question is: Are my parents justified in not letting me leave home? I admit, bipolar is a very tricky illness, and it is a risk to go away, with the stress of school and CPA exams. And my first manic episode was not pretty, and extremely scary for my family. But I am 23 years old, and I worked my ass off at binghamton, graduated summa cum laude, and I don’t want to throw years of hard work away by going to a lesser masters program. </p>
<p>Do you need to do your master’s right now? Why not wait a year, or two, or five? </p>
<p>First, there’s the obvious advantage of being financially independent and thus being able to do whatever the heck you want. </p>
<p>More than that, you’ll have had time to understand your illness, know how to manage it and yourself, and be able to handle a high-stress master’s degree as well as the insanely stressful CPA exam. (I’ve heard of people who end up getting divorced when one person is doing the CPA. Not recommended for someone newly diagnosed with a mental illness, IMHO.)</p>
<p>Set yourself up for success. Your parents don’t want to see your hard work go to waste if you can’t make it through the master’s or the CPA.</p>
<p>Bi-polar is tricky - many of those diagnosed feel so much better once they start meds that they deem themselves “cured” and stop taking the meds. It can become a vicious cycle and can be very scary and challenging for family members. My sister is bi-polar and it has been a long, rocky road for all involved, so I completely understand where your parents are coming from. That being said, the fact that you have been healthy for a year says a lot. Have you participated in any counseling or support groups since you were diagnosed? Have you consistently shown your parents that you are ready and willing to manage your disease without their daily intervention? It might be helpful for you and your parents to visit with a family counselor who is up on current treatments for B-P and get some outside input. YOur parents went thru a lot (as did you) and they are worried about you. Maybe they will change their minds if they feel your disease is under control and that you recognize the importance of staying on meds. Best of luck!</p>
<p>Your parents are not the enemy.
They want you to succeed.
What situation will insure you the best chances for finishing your education without interruption?
Your posting is a rant against your parents who have seen their daughter through arrests, erratic behaviors and finally a diagnosis.
Wouldn’t you rather finish, pass your exams and start your life without any more manic episodes in exchange for being closer to home, to your doctors, your mental health care therapists and support system versus what you consider a more prestigious program?
Yes, you have been better for a year, let’s keep you on this even keel as you go back to the stresses of academics.
Good luck.</p>
<p>You said you’re 23. You are old enough to decide what to do about grad school without your parents. However, if your parents do not agree with your decision, you may need to pay for it in full yourself (not uncommon for grad students).</p>
<p>That said, there is a reason why your parents are against grad school. You should be sure your illness is under control, and if it is, explain your feelings and reasons to your parents, so you hopefully can all get on the same page.</p>
<p>Please stay on your meds. And stay near your family. So what if your degree is from a “lesser program?” Yes, your parents are justified–they want to be there if there is a problem. You’ve given them a huge scare. One year of stability isn’t that long. Put yourself in your parents’ shoes.</p>
<p>I’d repeat what takeitallin said. </p>
<p>S-i-l is highly intelligent, was working after finishing college. Had a breakdown, (diagnosed bipolar) went home (from MA to TN) got stabilized, went back to college in hometown to do pre-health requirements to become a PT. (She had an econ degree and was asst. dir. of FA at an excellent private u. in MA when she had her first episode.)
She took a heavy load, got 4.0, got into (private school) PT program out of state. Where she knew no one. After about 6 mo. she stopped taking meds, was picked up by police who contacted school/her family. Took medical LOA. Went home, got stabilized. Went back. Stopped meds again. Had another episode. Came home and they would not allow her back in the program after the second break. (Massive student debt.) </p>
<p>It was a huge problem for her parents that she was so far away–they never knew what/how she was doing until it was too late. Then there were the logistics of getting her home from far away school. She spent the next few years working a low level bank clerk job. Stopped meds again and broke down. Caused many, many serious problems for family. Was fired even from fast food and retail jobs. Was homeless and living on street for awhile. Now on disability, but still won’t take meds and still causes trouble for family.</p>
<p>This is what you wrote: “I admit, bipolar is a very tricky illness, and it is a risk to go away, with the stress of school and CPA exams. And my first manic episode was not pretty, and extremely scary for my family.” Read it again. Doesn’t it sound like they are justified in asking you to stay nearby? Take your parents’ advice, and thank them for their help.</p>
<p>So when does a bipolar adult get to lead their own lives? 23. 30 41? At so e point the op needs to run her own life. And take the chance. They are not justified.</p>
<p>Seahorsesrock, I wonder if you have ever witnessed a loved one go manic. I entirely get where the parents are coming from.</p>
<p>I ALSO hear an immature tone in the OP’s post. A 23 year old (bipolar or not) who is ready to leave home will have plans for self-support in place and be able to present them in a mature manner. The OP superficially acknowledged the (enormous) past problems and present danger, but the reason for wanting to leave has to do with not wanting to go to school closer to home. OP did not really address the issues and talks about his/her parents as “not letting” him/her leave. This is not a mature plan. </p>
<p>The big picture looks to me as if OP would be wise to at least take another year off, or go to school closer to home.</p>
<p>My answer would be when he or she is financially self-supporting. If the adult is stable enough to hold down a decent job, then she can make her own decisions. But even that is dependent on not being a danger to one’s self or others.</p>
<p>To the OP, based upon the little that you have said, I would tend to agree with your parents. But, you have posted on a Parents’ board, so it isn’t surprising that we tend to see things from the parents point of view.</p>
<p>Here’s the problem. You are an adult and can make your own choices. However, they are not trying to keep you a child. They have a valid reason for being concerned.</p>
<p>A couple examples; I have been diagnosed as bipolar. I live 1000 miles away from home, and while my parents are concerned for me, it is not because of the disorder. They don’t really understand the disorder, and think that because I get the “high” without ever experiencing a super “low”, it isn’t such a big deal (which is actually the opposite. It is a big deal because I feel invincible more often than not. I would be safer if I were not able to get out of bed). Irregardless, I have proven that my disorder does not affect my safety, or my ability to work, pay my bills, and get good grades.</p>
<p>My best friend: has several disorders, lives at home with her parents. Gets poor grades in school, doesn’t work. She wants to move out, and her parents won’t let her. Why? Because she has absolutely not proven she can defend for herself, or that her disorders won’t keep her from succeeding. It doesn’t mean she can’t do those things ever, but right now it is just a bad idea. Obviously, she is free, white, and 21, and could move out if she really wanted. Your parents probably feel the same as her’s.</p>
<p>I said all that to say this; don’t go with your gut. If I have learned anything from this disorder, it is that your gut can’t always be trusted. That said, don’t just go with your parents’ guts either, because they are inclined to protect you. Get opinions, and a lot of them, from people who know you well.</p>
<p>I really don’t think it matters where you get your grad degree in Accounting. Accounting is accounting. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t spend the money on Hoftstra. If your parents are financially supporting you and they’re OK with you going to Old Westbury, give it a try. </p>
<p>Tone town the “too good, too smart” attitude about attending a lesser ranked college. Rise to the top in any environment–be it college, work place, etc.</p>
<p>I;ve never heard of anyone who cared where a masters in accounting is earned. People DO care if you have your CPA. (Full disclosurer: my d. has a masters in accounting and currently works for a Big Four.) No one there cares where the masters comes from, or even if you have one.)</p>
<p>Are you on meds? Stable for lengthy period (you say a year)? Do you have doctor/therapy lined up for support at college? Do you know what to do and responsible enough to call someone for help if you need it? Would you realize the fact that you need help?</p>
<p>^^^^One of the problems for those with bipolar is, they often don’t realize when they need help - particularly when they are relatively newly diagnosed. Their ability to self-monitor goes out the window and they really do need people around them who know them and can tell them when they need a med adjustment.</p>
<p>the OP needs to find a way to control her life. what if her parents got hit by a car tomorrow and couldn’t take care of her? then what? she of course is going to have problems, but wht if mom and dad died, its something the OP needs to bring into her plan. It happens. And at 23 she has the right,no matter the diagnosis, to decide her life.</p>
<p>Unless her parents legally take away her indepence, then the OP can make the choices. Its the OPs right. We can’t control everything and at some point, the person has to take over their own lives, hard as that may be. </p>
<p>We do need better support beyond parents for adults, but at some point, parents have to let go.</p>
<p>Seahorsesrock, this is not at all about parents letting go or a 23 year old’s “right” to independence. This is about a serious, life-threatening, mental illness. </p>
<p>If the OP were saying he/she had cancer and thought her parents were being unreasonable to want her to stay at home and have chemo, when she really wants to go away to school, would you be making such strong arguments about her right to control her life?</p>
<p>Seahorsesrock, this isn’t about dominating parents that cannot just let their baby go. This is about an illness that clouds judgement, that leaves a person either unable to cope with irrational safness, or leaves them feeling invincible, leading to gradiose spending and bizarre behavior. I urge you to look more into what you’re talking about before making such a generalized statement. In an ideal situation, you would be right. However, this is not an ideal situation.</p>
<p>Bipolar disorder can be TERRIFYING for the victim (choice of word intended) and for the parents. Unless you’ve seen it or experienced it, there’s no way you can know the depths of the terror. To be dismissive about it and just say they need to learn to manage their own life…ideally a bipolar person will always have SOMEONE near that loves them and truly cares about their best interest and health. They need that.</p>