I got accepted to a premier arts boarding school this year for theater as a Junior (2018). I thought i would love it as i went to an arts camp in new york (Long Lake), however it is not what I expected. Besides the extremely strenuous work load academically and artistically, the social scene and being so far away from home kills me. I had to leave early for winter break as I would keep having panic attacks over how anxious I constantly was, wether it was about not being good enough or knowing enough, friend issues, homesickness, or anything else. I also had an AWFUL roommate/dorm hall last semester. If i went back i would have a new roommate, but no where to really feel like i’m relaxing. That’s the thing. I need free time and time to myself in able to function properly and I simply cannot get that with this school. I miss my family so badly and I want to stay here with them. They agree that I should stay, but I almost feel pressured to return for the following reasons:
-I was accepted when others were turned down
-I’ve made some good friendships there that I wouldn’t like to lose
-I am learning so much about the world and art and myself
I’ve begun to lose interest in theater and persuading it. I don’t want to do it in college- I want to do music in college. And although the town that my family lives in isn’t as prestigious my geared towards absolute excellence in the arts, there are PLENTY OF oppourintities for me here regarding both theater and music…
What should i do? Please help… I don’t know what to do and it’s 3am and my plane leaves tomorrow morning and I need to make a decision. Thanks.
First of all. Take a deep breath. Just because you get in the plane tomorrow, does not mean you have made a decision to stay. Separate those two actions in your mind. It sounds like you are an extremely insightful mature girl with a supportive family. This will be the first of many times in your life that you have to make such an overwhelming decision- but nowhere near the last. It sounds like you did make a healthy choice- now comes the hard part- following through.
Following through despite, guilt, longing and fear. What I can tell you is that once you commit to your choice - everything becomes much easier. Our daughter left a top school for many of the same reasons as you (outside of the arts portion). At the time she was younger than you and not as eloquent in her reasons. Her unhappiness was crushing. The good news is that their is life after leaving boarding school. She is now a very happy successful sophmore in college at a highly ranked university. My advice is to follow your heart on this one…,
You being accepted when others weren’t shouldn’t be a reason to go back. There are waitlists for a reason and plenty of people would jump at a chance to go to the school if you left so don’t feel bad about that. Follow your gut! Pretend for a sec that you decide to stay at the school for the rest of high school -how do you feel? Then do it vice versa. Good luck!
Good advice so far. Do not feel guilty about your decision. If it isn’t a good fit and it is affecting your mental health, you do not have to continue.
It is midyear. Will you lose your tuition and is your family okay with that? I would advise returning and discerning, in light of roommate change, etc., and with the help of couseling (and maybe anti anxiety meds) what you want.
Going back doesn’t mean you have to stay. Transitions are hard in general, so leaving the familiar for a place that was stressful is particularly hard. But it may feel different when you get back.
And if this school helped you figure out what your true passion is (and isn’t ), that’s really valuable.
There is a third option between staying home this term and staying at the arts school for another 1 1/2 years, which is to go back for the spring semester, finish out your junior year, and then transfer back home for senior year.
You will stay in touch with your friends from both places if you try, so that shouldn’t be a factor in your decision.