It isn’t fair. I had a better gpa and test scores than her. I am going to a big state school and she is going to a well known private college. I got into colleges on the level she is going to, but my family doesn’t qualify for financial aid and theres no way we can afford 60k a year. She got almost all of her tuition paid in financial aid. AND she is paying way less to go to a private university than I am to go to a public university. It bothers me when people ask where we are going and responds “wow!” to her college and when I say the university I am going to they say “oh, cool.” It also is bothering me that she may be a lot more successful than me because she is going to a better school.
I am happy for her, I really am. I’m just jealous. Can someone help me feel better?
Your feelings are natural but ill placed. What you get out of college is largely a matter of being a good match with the school. You’re not attending the US News list. You are attending a university that hopefully you think offers the things you are seeking. If your parents have a good income then you have less need to go to the kind of school that elicits a “wow” cause you already got that wow at birth. Your family is probably not struggling as much as your friend’s family is. Your family probably has more connections and “ins” than your friend’s family. You probably have benefited from connections all your life and you probably have not even been aware of that. Your less fortunate friends have probably spent time being jealous of the things you have been able to have and do because your family has better resources. And there is a lot to be said about the security that comes with having parents who make a decent living.
Just face the future with a big fat smile. There are parents who feel exactly the same as you do. Once you start college, make friends and get great grades, you can focus on achievement and your life goals, including grad school. It’s not easy, but try to let it go and think about how great your future is going to be. This will matter a lot less in 6-12 months than it feels like right now. Take care, and congrats on getting what is almost certainly a competitive state university!
Expensive private schools are not always great experiences – who knows if she will be successful or happy there? There will be TONS of times in your life when other people have or get more than you do (money, promotions, marriage partner, grad school acceptances, bonuses, better health, etc). Keep your eyes on your own knitting – jealousy isn’t attractive, nor is it useful to your own mental health.
Also… if you are getting no FA to a top school, than your family is making choices about how they spend their money that shows their priorities. Now they may make sense to your family – supporting other relatives, living in an expensive house, driving nice/newer cars, nice vacations, plans to retire early, etc. Or they just don’t see that the more expensive school is worth it. None of that is your friend’s fault (or the college’s fault).
Yeah, I agree - in a few months this will fade away.
You don’t mention what big state school you are attending, but many of them are very excellent schools with lots of opportunities. The fact that they are public doesn’t make them inherently worse.
It also doesn’t mean that she will be more successful than you - there are some studies showing that people who got into top schools, but didn’t attend them, do just as well as students who do attend top schools. A lot of success in your career depends on your personal ambitions and drive and not where you went to college.
Lastly…there are lots of things that people with more money can do that people with less money cannot.
Congrats on getting into college, and I hope you’re looking forward to starting this new phase of your life!
Your feelings are natural. It sucks but life isn’t fair. I hope you don’t get dissapointed, work hard, get excellent grades and get into a great graduate program on scholarship, aid, loans or employer pay. Best of luck!
What schools?
At least you have the satisfaction of knowing that you aren’t going because you couldn’t get in but just because of the money issue. You should just plainly mention that I can’t afford it and not eligible for aid. It’s not that you aren’t happy for your friend but you are upset with unfair system and your friend’s good luck is just highlighting the flaws of admission process.
Guessing the OP and their family would probably NOT want to trade their ongoing financial situation with a family who makes enough to get significant financial aid.
You’ve probably heard this statement or one similar to it before, but - Life isn’t fair. You need to put your best foot forward and do the best you can at the school you are going to and hope the best for your friend too. The college experience and most things are not a zero sum game. Different people thrive in different settings. Also there will always be people out there with more money and others with less. It sounds like you already realize this though and that is a mature attitude and will help you as you move forward.
The last 2 months of HS are the cruelest 2. Everyone is comparing schools, comparing prom dates. Then graduation happens. Everyone goes in different directions. Then nobody cares anymore.
@sensation723 I am going to the University of Delaware and my friend is going to Lehigh
I’m sorry. It isn’t fair. You know life isn’t, but you have a right to pout for a little bit. And then play the hand you are dealt and move on. Good luck!