<p>My daughter just completed her freshman year in college. She met a wonderful guy in December and they have been together since then. I have no complaints about the BF–he is thoughtful, hard working, focused. He has been a great influence on my daughter. </p>
<p>This is what is bothering me (and my husband), but I’ve not said anything to her about it. They are both taking classes this summer. They spend all of their free time together. My daughter was very close to some of her hs friends, and has seen them maybe once or twice this summer. She will have a new roommate this fall because her former roommate didn’t like that my daughter didn’t want to party like she did before the BF. I guess that’s a good thing, but my point is that she is (IMHO) shutting herself off from any other social contact/support system at home or at school. At some point, they will break up and where will she be?</p>
<p>My question is to those who have gone through this with a child. Did you say anything? Just let the chips fall where they may?</p>
<p>It could also be that she is just growing up and away from her hs friends. That could be happening this summer regardless of the existence of the boyfriend. My D is seeing much less of her hs friends this summer than ever before, and is actually using excuses to avoid having to get together with them. However, there are times when she doesn’t want to be alone, so she will see them. Yesterday, for example, she said that she hadn’t seen her best hs friend in about three weeks. I am secretly delighted about this, as I think her college friends (seeing more of them) are much more her type. I wouldn’t worry about this. Unfortunately, heartbreak happens, and we can’t protect our kids from them, just as our parents couldn’t protect us. Is she happy? Is she productive? Is he good to her? Those are important. HS is in the past…</p>
<p>This sounds like a typical case of young love to me! If they just met in December, they’re still in the giddy phase where they can’t think about anything else. Heck, I know lots of women my age who gripe that their friends disappear when they find a guy! If she seems happy, healthy, and doing well in her classes, I wouldn’t worry about it at this point.</p>
<p>It is very common to lose touch with high school friends, even close ones, once you go off to college. Maybe the guy is a factor in this, but maybe she’s just growing up and away from the person she was in high school. College is a place to reinvent yourself as who you wish you could be. Maybe she’s doing that.</p>
<p>I’d only worry if you get the sense that he is actively doing things to encourage her to cut herself off. That he disapproves vocally of her friends, refuses to do things as a group with them, gives her a hard time about having other interests, etc. Those would be red flags. It sounds like you think he’s a good guy and a good influence, though, so I don’t think you have those concerns.</p>
<p>Agreed on the feeling of having “lost touch” with high school friends. I think it is natural for the “group of friends” at “home” to get smaller until you down to a small intimate group of friends that you will probably stay in touch with. My D has done much the same. </p>
<p>At the same time, she too has developed a new group of friends at her college (many who are coming up to spend a weekend at our house soon!) who are absolutely WONDERFUL!!! </p>
<p>There are so many things to adjust to that first year of college. Some people jump in the pool with a whole lot of friends and a whole lot of EC’s. Others keep their circle smaller and safer that first year. Maybe you could encourage her to “take advantage of opportunity” and start a new EC this sophomore year that will encourage new friends IN ADDITION to her BF.</p>
<p>I see nothing wrong with losing touch with friends whose interestes are now different, as long as she gets new ones. If he is her ONLY social contact then maybe you should say something. Never, ever say anything bad about HIM, but the fact that she should have other friends too.</p>
<p>I don’t object to her growing away from her high school friends (wow- but all of them?) and I love her BF. He is a mom’s dream-come-true for her daughter. And yes, I think it is a case of young love. He is not controlling in any way that I have seen. </p>
<p>I am just concerned that they spend so much time with each other that she is not cultivating any other friendships at this point. He is involved in a sport, so he (through the sport) is with other guys when he isn’t with her or in class. Because this is “young love” I am worried about what happens when they break up. She will have no life outside of what they have had together. Maybe as they go on in their relationship they will branch out. They are still, as lunitari pointed out, in the “giddy phase.”</p>
<p>As our kids get older, I know we need to back off. I guess I was wondering if I should gently say something or just butt out.</p>
<p>I’m sure lots of people will opt for the “butt out” but if was my daughter or son we have pretty open relationships. I would say something gently…they would roll their eyes. I would say, “well sometimes I just have to be motherly.”<br>
To me, a gentle, “hey I’m concerned that you are closing yourself off a bit” is very different from other threads where a parent is trying to establish rules or a breakup has occurred and the parent is lamenting losing the relationship with this great kid…</p>
<p>Sometimes these lessons just need to be learned- focus on the BF too much, you can lose friends. She is making an informed choice and we can’t micromanage their lives.</p>
<p>Sometimes as parents we need to step back and let them flounder in there relatively safe ways- worse case, she has to start over with making friends. </p>
<p>Think of it this way, what if she had moved to a new city for a job, she would be making new friends, and sometimes you might have a daughter who picks a jerk for a boyfriend. We have to let them figure some stuff out for themselves.</p>