My sister is a freshman required to live on campus, and she has an absolutely lovely roommate. They had to create a roommate agreement the other day and her roommate wanted to put in that they had to tell each other when they had guests visit their room. This is perfectly reasonable except that she wanted to just be told when “someone living off campus, like your sister, visits” (actual quote from her.) My sister made sure that it was put in that they have to tell each other when ANYONE visits because the roommate has lots of friends living on the same floor that go in and out a lot, so good on her.
This just feels so petty and dumb to me. I mean, someone living on campus can steal anything that anyone living off campus could steal (not like I’ve ever touched any of her stuff anyway.)
And every time someone that doesn’t live in the building goes in they have to be checked in by someone with their name, room number, and guests ID info taken down, and all guests must be escorted at all times, so actually someone not living in their dorm safer because you actually have on record who it was and when that entered your room.
I’m guessing she just hates me for some reason unknown to me. I’ve only talked to her twice and that was just a hello, and I’ve only ever been to their room 3 or 4 times just to help my sister carry things up. What kills me is that my sister and I are best friends, so she was super shocked when the roommate called me out. Her roommate has her friends who live down the hall in there a lot and her boyfriend who lives next door is over there all the time. And she leaves the door unlocked when she leaves, so anyone could just stroll through there. But that doesn’t matter, it’s just me who she has a problem with in the room.
So basically your sister could just text your roommate “Hey, JessiL is coming into the room” and she’d be in compliance with the agreement? That seems like a pretty easy thing to do.
Maybe her roommate was just searching for an example of someone who your sister had over and you were the first name that came to mind.
Also, I don’t think it’s exactly a dumb rule, especially if your sister shares a room. What if the other person is planning on napping, talking to her parents, etc? What if they just don’t like someone or feel uncomfortable around them?
Stop feeling offended…the roommate just wants to know what is happening …if when she gets home there will be someone there…or if they are an introvert they want to “prepare” themselves for someone.
Oh, no I wasn’t calling the rule dumb at all, I think it’s a great rule, it’s just her reasoning behind saying that she didn’t want anyone that lives off campus in their room that I find ridiculous. She doesn’t talk to her family at all and her boyfriend and all her friends live on campus, so it was directly aimed at me and my family. I just don’t see why she’s so against my sister having people just go to her room with her. I’ve been there max 5 minutes in the whole 3 times I’ve been over and never touched anything that didn’t belong to my sister.
Oh, and I’m not offended at all by the rule, I just thought it was funny that she made it a point to call out someone that has literally only said 2 words to her.
I would just see how this plays out. It could go either way. Maybe she’s very controlling or maybe (as someone has pointed out) she just simply picked you as the first example that popped into her head.
I absolutely cannot stand this kind of drama, and I’ve busted my daughters when they tried to pull stuff like this when they were in middle school, and they’ve long since outgrown it as teenagers. Your behavior is immature-the agreement has nothing to do with you, it has to do with two people learning to live together in harmony. Grow up, seriously.
That attitude is exhausting to everyone around you-I know grown women in their 40’s who walk around acting all randomly butthurt, and at this point, nobody cares what their imagined dramas are and nobody wants to take the time to ferret it out so she can have endless reassurance that we don’t hate her-we just don’t want to invite them to any more stuff because who needs that?
Your sister is a freshman and the school year is just starting. You seem to have learned an awful lot about the roommate’s business in a very short time. My guess is that she doesn’t want their room to become a high school hangout. It’s great that your sister is your “best friend,” but if you live close enough that you’ve been able to visit 3 or 4 times already then her roommate may just want some adult space. I think you should give it to her. It wouldn’t hurt you or your sister to take this opportunity to branch out and make other friends.
For what it’s worth, this is your sister’s issue to address. If your sister is upset by the way the roommate agreement has turned out (an agreement that she signed, mind you, so in a way, one could argue that it’s a binding contract), then your sister should speak with her roommate and attempt to renegotiate the agreement…preferably with the help/mediation of their RA.
If your sister’s roommate IS leaving the room with the door unlocked on a regular basis, I would agree that this is something that warrants being addressed. Ideally, your sister would discuss the problem with her roommate first. Then give the roommate a week, let’s say, to change the door-locking behavior. Then if it doesn’t change, go speak with the RA.
But just because you’ve only spoken to someone a couple of times doesn’t mean that the person hates you. The roommate thing probably has NOTHING to do with you personally. So don’t take it personally. for example, maybe the roommate is just really shy in social situations and is afraid to open up. It might not have ANYTHING to do with you.
If you’ve already been there multiple times, it seems likely that you have visited more than anyone else. So of course you were the example she thought of.
This is between your sister and her roommate. Your sister shouldn’t even be getting into discussions with you about it. And if, for example, she objects to the door being unlocked (as she should), she needs to discuss that with the roommate and possibly address that in the agreement. Not complain to you about it.
Also, handling the whole ‘notify the roommate of guests to the room’ thing is just common courtesy, so it was a good idea for your sister to include the caveat that it be for ANY guest. Speaking from personal experience, it REALLY sucks when you’ve returned to your room looking forward to a quiet evening of studying away from everyone only to find that there’s a party in your room or your room has put the proverbial marker on the door to signal that there’s hanky panky going on inside and that you can’t come in until roommate and her beau are finished.
Part of having roommates in college is learning how to get along with people who might be nothing at all like you, how to live with people who are really different from yourself. I’m sure that your sister will work out a solution with her roommate that works for her. In the meantime, IF your sister gives the roommate a heads up that you will be stopping by and IF the roommate says, “No,” then I’m sure that there are a LOT of other places on campus that the 2 of you could go instead to hang out/spend some time together. For example, if there’s a common room or something at your sister’s dorm, hang out with her there instead of in her room. If you come to her dorm and are allowed to walk down the hall and knock on her door, technically you are NOT entering the room if you stand at the doorway.
See what I’m getting at here? This is really not a big deal.
