I transferred to San Francisco State University from community college over a month ago, and so far I haven’t gotten to know anybody. I do live in university housing, but not in the dorms. I have an apartment, and my roommate annoys me immensely, because he’s ALWAYS drunk or high, he likes to pressure me to get drunk when he sees me drinking (I like to do my drinking in moderation), he blares Netflix in our room while smoking weed at 3AM when I’m trying to sleep, then does it again at 7AM because apparently he doesn’t sleep, he leaves the kitchen so full of dirty dishes it’s hard for my other roommate and I to cook, and he tricked me into eating a marijuana edible because he thought it’d be funny. I don’t like that roommate. Other roommate is chill.
Anyway, the bigger problem is that I don’t have any friends on campus at all. I live in a detatched unit, so we don’t have an apartment building with other people to meet. On campus, I haven’t really met anyone. It’s kind of a commuter school, and campus pride seems nonexistant. I have a job, and I get along with my coworkers, but all of them are a decade or two my senior, so that’s not where to make friends with peers. But people living on campus don’t view me as a peer, because I’m 24 years old. It’s also hard to talk to people because I have aspergers, and I don’t like drugs or partying, which are very much the scene here. I drink, but I don’t like heavy drinking. I need to have a group of friends I hang out with, but I don’t know how to go out and find one. I end up just staying home when I’m not at class or work, and I’m not really happy.
I’m so sorry. Have you tried talking to the roommate? If that’s not working, is there anyone on campus you can go to for help with him? Dirty dishes is an annoyance, but tricking you into taking drugs (or heavy pressure to drink) is crossing a line.
There are tons of posts from unhappy students, and the answer is almost always the same – give it more time, use your words, and get involved around campus. Even commuter schools have organizations. Find one that matches a hobby you have or show up at a random one and get a new hobby. Guaranteed there will be more newbies there. The key is to get out of the apartment.
I would contact housing and see what you can do to change your roommate/room. You should not have to be exposed to illegal drug activity or be forced/tricked to using if you don’t want to. Get your parents involved in this if necessary.
Getting out of this situation may open more energy to put toward getting out there and getting more involved.
Sorry it took me so long to respond. Got pretty busy with work and school.
@Pheebers Taking to him is hard because he is almost never sober enough, and on the rare occasions he is, I’m too nervous to speak up. On the drug thing, the only reason I’m not pressing assault charges is because I waited too long and it’s not in my system any ore. Dirty dishes would be less anooying if he did dishes more than once a week and didn’t use my knives without permission and leave them dirty.
I do need to find organizations. Just need to figure out how to work up the courage to actually talk to people.
@NorthernMom61 I do think that’s probably a good idea. I just worry that they’ll tell me to talk it out before asking for a change, or that they can’t move me (The university is in a massive housing crisis, with more than twice as many people trying to move in as there are beds). Getting my parents involved is a non-starter. I’m 24, and I moved out before I decided I wanted to go to college. My parents have never been involved in my college education, and have never even been to my university, much less had anything to do with them. I’m an adult now, and this on me to handle myself. If I can work up the courage.
Of course you have to handle this on your own then. Is there some type of residential life employee associated with your facility who might be able to help you navigate this problem? Some kind of mediation would be helpful.
I’m going to the university tomorrow to tell them I don’t want to live with my roommate anymore. He’s trying to source himself Aderall (like, to abuse) right now, and I have serious ADHD and am trying to get an Aderall prescription. I can live with the weed when he isn’t doing it in front of me, but not this. People like him are why I have to go through the ringer to even be considered for a prescription, because every doctor immediately wonders if I just want to abuse it because I’m a college student. Not just that, if I get Aderall, he is going to start pressuring me to sell it to him, and he is not the type to stop asking after being told no. I don’t trust him not to steal any, either. I’m done with him at this point. I just can’t live around him.
I just went to an RA and now the university knows about the marijuana use and the Aderall thing. The university is also not happy with me for not reporting the weed use when I first found out. I really don’t look forward to telling my roommate that the university knows. They can’t move me for a while, and my roommate is not going to be nice now that I ratted him out. This isn’t going to be pretty, but I suppose it had to be done. My family has a history of prescription drug abuse, and I just can’t deal with this, especially when I might well be prescribed that same drug.
I need to see what clubs have meetings that fit my schedule. New friends could be what takes my mind off of this.
@intparent Because my RA is going to tell him and attempt mediation, and I was told that if he smokes in the house again and I don’t call university police, I’m in violation of university rules big time. I support pot legalization, I just don’t like the smell and don’t like it being smoked around me or in my room, so I REALLY don’t want to call the cops. He was going to know tomorrow anyway, and I thought I’d rather tell him so I could warn him not to smoke so I won’t have to call the cops or get in trouble myself.
I did talk to him. He’s upset with me, but he’s avoiding me and slamming doors rather than wanting to confront me directly. Our other roommate is pretty upset with me, too.