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<p>I made it a rule to never take advice from anyone, doctor, teacher, columnist, parent, etc, who propagated the idea that men are inferior when it comes to raising children. On the whole men love their children as much as women do, they want them to be strong, independent, loving humans just like women do, and they do a great job of raising kids. I find that myth that women have a magic “hoodoo” for raising children that men can never know just silly.</p>
<p>I read Rosemund books when D was little and generally liked him. However at some point he started getting very political and very critical of public schools, working moms, etc. I thought that was all off topic (and I didn’t agree with him either) and was very turned off.</p>
<p>ek (#70) - for an unflattering portrait of parents of autistic children, I doubt that anyone can beat Bruno Bettleheim! Unfortunately, his writing influenced most of a generation of professionals who attempted to treat our children, at least in areas where there is a strong psychoanalytic tradition. My own experience over twenty years ago, when I first sought professional help to raise a child diagnosed with autism, was that it was not at all unusual to be referred to one therapist after another who truly believed that parental dysfunction caused autism. (These therapists were not cheap, and they all seemed to graduate from the “very best” schools, FWIW.)</p>
<p>Schools in our area especially liked these professionals and referred to them often, since their “blame the parents” mentality let credentialed teachers and therapists completely off the hook when they did not keep up with behavioral research and were unable to figure out how to write effective iep’s and actually teach our ASD children.</p>
<p>I am a big believer in structure and routine for babies and children and teens. It gives them a sense of what to expect, what comes next, even what is caused by what. Very calming, helps the learning process, and empowering to them, ironically!!!
They begin to understand how things are related, how what they do can cause something else to happen.</p>
<p>A free for all is very challenging to the immature, untrained neurological/endocrine system IMHO. That is also why it is important to be CONSISTENT with whatever structures you do have, so a parent has to know their own limits, too.
(Call me authoritarian, and you are not getting it!)</p>
<p>ek (#70) - for an unflattering portrait of parents of autistic children, I doubt that anyone can beat Bruno Bettleheim!</p>
<p>Good point!
When I was in my early 20’s with my firstborn, I read so much I may have skimmed over those thoughts from Bettleheim.
Hard to keep all of them straight.</p>
<p>OP here. It’s interesting to read everyone’s take on this. I’m afraid my post made me sound as though I dislike children and I really don’t. I guess it’s when something has happened like the seat-kicking or talking loudly at the movies that I realize I just don’t have the patience I once did. I just don’t want to be that old woman that lived in my childhood neighborhood and yelled at kids all the time.</p>