Title. Some more info: My original message I was trying to convey was something among the lines of “I am someone who tries their hardest at life because we only have one.” (you probably see where this is going).
Then, I thought of something else more along the lines of how I never really tried hard and always did the bare minimum, and thought it would be “enough” or if I was lucky enough, good things would happen. But it was through my father fighting cancer so hard that I learned from him that you have to try your best in all things, even if you fail, and that nothing will come to you if you don’t try.
But I don’t know if this might come off as much off as too much focus on the death or not, or staying in grief.
It was also through this experiece that I realized I want to pursue medicine, and I was also thinking of putting this into my essay.
But I’m also worried if it would come out as: the only reason why I am trying so hard is because of my fathers death and his history with cancer, therefore why I want to pursue medicine.
Obviously it’s a big part, like a very very big catalyst, but not the only reason.
It’s hard to describe, I am open to questions, thoughts, ideas, as my post is very messy. Just having a hard time putting feelings & thoughts into words, etc.
Think about - what is it about me I can tell them that they would want me on campus.
You are coming off like a therapy appointment - but would you being sad make them want you on campus?
You can write about anything - a student near me got into Yale with the exhilaration of waiting for a Papa John’s delivery. Another wrote about the yellow fuzz on a tennis ball. My daughter (no idea if good but she got into some fine schools including a top LAC) wrote about tea.
You could write about your interest in medicine but you don’t need to.
You should tie whatever subject in a way that they can learn about you. If your father’s death has meaningfully impacted you in a way that can show you can contribute to their campus, then you’ll find a way.
But this is about you - not your parent’s death - and unless the question is tied to why you want to be in medicine - you don’t need to go there at all.
You can write about anything- like why the NY Jets football team has caused me a life of frustration…
really, anything.
This may not be the right thing to write about.
As far as messy, maybe don’t write - but write down random sentences that you can organize and then analyze and tighten up later.
I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with a lot of what was said above. However, if you want to write about your father, here’s a different approach maybe…
Start by describing an interaction you had with him that taught you something something specific that paints a picture of your child/parent relationship. It could be teaching you a skill, or demonstrating his values in a specific interaction in a way that made an impression on you…then go on to describe how the skill/values/whatever you learned from him play out in your own life…how do you bring your own gifts to help people in your community grow and learn…just as he helped you. Then talk about how applying the values he taught you have given you a deeper appreciation of him as a person. And then, in the end, reveal that he passed away after his battle with cancer. It’s almost a shocking “reveal” at the end (a-la Sixth Sense). I hope that analogy doesn’t offend - I don’t mean this as trite. But rather, it can make the whole essay more memorable because the ending is not expected - and being memorable is important since AOs reach thousands of essays. Finish with an example of how you are and will continue to live out his legacy. So the essay isn’t really about his death, but it is about him…and mostly about you. Best wishes to you. And again, I’m so very sorry for your loss.
It’s my editorial opinion that that mixing humor with sadness is the best way to open people up to your story. If you can think of a moment when your father made you laugh or you laughed together that can be a frame for his absence. It’s not just that you only have one life, it’s what that life meant to you and these things are best revealed with the lightest touch and in the smallest things.
Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate your honesty. I totally understand what you’re saying, and the main point thing I’m trying to work on is actually trying to make sure the essay isn’t focused on the loss itself.
My goal is to use that experience as a starting point to show how I’ve grown in terms of resilience, maturity, motivation, how I’ve changed the way I approach life, etc and want the essay to reflect the mindset I developed after going through that and how I carry that into everything I do now.
Still working on the balance, but I definitely want it to be about who I’ve become, not just what happened.
You can communicate that you are a person who lives joyfully and with intention, even though you know that there is sadness and loss in the world. Love the idea of telling a funny story about you and your dad ..some joyful experience. And then the focus is on you, with the loss handled with a light touch .
Condolences to you and your family. I bet you’d be a terrific asset to any college!
Remember that the essay is a chance for the AO to see who you are as a person and to think “This would be a great person to have in our community!” So yes, you are right in wanting to make sure your essay isn’t “sad”.
Focusing your essay on something you did/learned from your dad and how you carry that in your life is a great way to show your resilience and what matters to you.
This is an excellent start. Focus on the positives that came from a gut-wrenching experience. Write about motivation, seriousness of purpose, goals, and lessons learned (values derived) from the realities of life.
Think about something you do that was inspired by your dad or that makes you think of him.
Or a story that brings up something you learned from his illness/passing. Maybe to take a day at a time, maybe that friends and family lift each other up when the going gets rough, maybe that we never really know what others are going through. This story can be upbeat.
It’s easier if you use a short vignette to illustrate this. Show, not tell.
I think your essay can 100% work. Your father’s death being an inspiration to you makes you likable, mature, and someone admissions will want to have on campus. Correct not to focus too much on the cancer, and even him. As you said, make him the catalyst and focus on your evolution.