Immediate Feedback on SAP Appeal PLS!

Paying for College
1

<p>Any feedback is appreciated: </p>

<p>Dear SAP Committee, </p>

<p>I am appealing the suspension of my financial aid. With this appeal, I would like to explain why the semester following my academic warning proved to be unsatisfactory. </p>

<p>Due to unforeseen events during the week before finals began, specifically May 4, 2013-May 12, 2013, I left myself with inadequate time to prepare for Finals sufficiently, resulting in a 1.9 GPA for the spring semester. While I understand that no reasons are completely adequate in my failure to attain a 2.0 GPA or higher, I will share what events occupied my time and the reasons why they were important to me as a person and/or contributing member of USC. </p>

<p>The first event occurred on Saturday May 4, 2013, wherein a USC party was interrupted by roughly 80 LAPD officers, resulting in alleged excessive use of force by students at the hands of some LAPD officers and multiple student arrests. Such feelings of mistreatment sparked a campus movement, eventually named the USChangemovement, of which I was heavily involved. During the week following the incident, we organized and participated in events to accomplish the following: to raise awareness for students in the USC community that consistently feel unsafe on and around campus, mainly due to strained relationships with DPS and/or LAPD, resulting from what these students feel are mishandlings of major situations; to address specific issues via dialogue with members of authority in the Academy , LAPD, and DPS; and to create solutions to prevent such misfortunate happenings in the future. Though the timing of everything proved tragically terrible, I deeply felt that it was vital to participate in the movement as a genuine, forward-thinking member of the Trojan family. </p>

<p>The second situation involves an organization I plan to found at the university during the fall semester, named Boundless KIPPsters. The objective of this organization is to convince bright students attending my middle school in Chicago to expand their college aspirations outside of colleges in the Midwest, with hopefully a lucky few ending up at USC! The coordinator, with whom I was working closely to jumpstart the club, had an emergency travel arrangement that pushed our planning schedule within that May 5-12th week. I was –and still am-extremely excited about the organization and its potential for the college and middle school kids involved, so I accommodated. </p>

<p>In retrospect, I have learned a hard lesson that my time is limited and that I must prioritize more effectively. Moreover, in general, I have struggled most with science and math courses at the University; as a result, I have decided to hold off on my decision to pursue the pre-med track for the near future. In addition, I have contacted an advisor in Academic Support to assist in assuring my success for the fall semester. If I am granted this much-needed assistance to pay for a continued education at USC, I will undoubtedly reflect positive contributions as a Trojan in all aspects of my college career. </p>

<p>Thank you for your consideration, </p>

<p>xxxxx</p>

2

<p>That is a ridiculously well-written letter - I commend you for the effort you put into it.</p>

<p>Suggested changes:</p>

<p>(1) Cut the length on the “first event” paragraph significantly. If your letter is going to officials at USC, they are likely familiar with the events you describe, so cut out some of the details.</p>

<p>(2) Although you say you’ve learned a “hard lesson,” your only proposed solution is that you will “prioritize.” That’s hardly credible given your repeated declarations, throughout the letter, that the activities you were involved in were “vital” and of great importance to you. If I were evaluating this appeal, I’d deny it . . . unless you agree to put ALL of your other activities on hold until you’ve achieved a GPA of [fill in the blank]. Clearly, your head is everywhere OTHER than on your studies, and I’d want to see a real commitment to changing that. And, no, achieving a GPA of 2.0 would NOT be adequate in my mind - one distraction and you’ll be right back where you are now. If I were you, I’d commit to putting all those other activities on hold until you achieve a 3.0 GPA.</p>

<p>Yes, I realize those activities are important to you, and they are something you want to pursue as USC student. But if you lose this appeal, you won’t be a USC student anymore!</p>

<p>(3) Once you’ve expanded the section on priorities, break that last bit, about math & science, and meeting with an advisor, into a separate paragraph.</p>

<p>Good luck!!!</p>

3

<p>nevermind…just wow</p>

4

<p>Dodgersmom is spot on. And I’d deny this too.</p>

5

<p>Good luck. I don’t think I’d add all that detail. I know a number of students who participated in such activities, even much backed by their colleges, but they did not get one quarter of consideration in terms of grades. A long time member’s DD learned a lesson that way too. You do these things, you take the consequences. The same goes when you have a job. You have to figure a way to do these things and still meet your obligations at hand. </p>

<p>I agree with Dodgersmom about the changes. I suggest you find out what the essence is of a reason to get an appeal approved. I’m not seeing it in your letter as it is more focused on the causes, not on the reason why you did not perform adequately, and why you think you will be able to do so in the future. I would be more likely to approve someone who simply says he got put in jail and had to deal with those issues, so school got put on the back burner, and that he will be just focusing on schoolwork, then your long winded explanation. Also you have no idea who is reading this thing and how s/he will feel about those activities. Keeping it simple is better, IMO.</p>