In a bizarre twist of fate...

Parent Cafe
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<p>… the one school I did not care for out of the eight my son applied to (a very, VERY highly regarded top-tier school which I felt would not be a good match for him), turns out to be his ONLY rejection. I don’t know how to express this properly, but I’m actually glad he received a rejection – it was starting to feel weird to me that out of the seven acceptances he’s received so far, he could only choose one school to attend, and would have to tell six GREAT institutions that he would not be attending. I was feeling morose about it, sad in a weird way, as if the adcoms sat around thinking, “Wow, he’d be great here, let’s admit him!” and then having him turn them down and disappoint them, as if wasting their efforts or something. :frowning: So now, it feels more normal and human that at least ONE school turned HIM down, and now I feel better about him turning down six of the other seven. (I know, it’s not really rational, but it was becoming an embarrassment of riches in the acceptance department, I was feeling uncomfortable about it.)</p>

<p>I wonder if my stated belief that this last school was not a good match for him fed into his application somehow, as if he didn’t put as much into the application? No, actually, he wrote some good essays for them, and the stats and recs were all the same. Well, whatever. I know it’s kind of a stupid thing to admit, because I know rejections are VERY painful and troubling for so many students and their families. But I was weirdly glad to see this one: I think it will ground my son a little to know he wasn’t accepted at every school he applied to.</p>

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<p>Congratulations on all of the great acceptances! Obviously, this question is more of a curiosity than a concern, at this point. But, did he have an interview for that school? Perhaps lack of enthusiasm showed at the interview, if he had one. My son was accepted at 8 of 9 schools three years ago, and the one he was waitlisted at was not as highly ranked as many of the others. But the local alumnus who interviewed him for that school was a very weird younger adult who made cynical comments and tried to goad my son into saying inappropriate things, while my son was trying to come across as a sincere and respectful young person talking to an adult in a position of authority. Of the five interviews he had, this was the only one where he had a negative or unpleasant interaction. And then he was waitlisted there, so we wondered if there was some connection.</p>

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<p>Mootmom- Mothers usually know their sons best :slight_smile: and perhaps the adcoms also sensed that the fit factor wasn’t right. Then there’s the lottery/crap shoot factor, too. Your S is very deserving of all his offers of admission - how does he feel about the denial? It’s interesting because I have a friend who is experiencing the same exact scenario with her S right now- a wealth of offers, money, and perks from all the elites he applied to- and just received his one and only thin envelope while he was confident he’d get in there, too. Luckily for him, it’s not a “do or die” situation, but it is a bit “grounding” as you say.</p>

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<p>Congrats to your son on his great acceptances!</p>

<p>My sister applied to more than ten schools ( :eek: ), and she got waitlisted at one of her top choices and rejected at her least favorite! Her principal had told her when she was applying not to apply to the school that she ended up being rejected at (which was a match, by the way). The worst part is that she does not really like the principal, so it is hard for her to admit that it was not a good fit. :)</p>

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<p>Mootmom,</p>

<p>I think my D could relate to how you’re feeling. She was accepted to all the schools she applied to and she told me that she would have liked to be rejected by at least one because all the acceptances made her feel like it was too easy. I was tempted to call the last school (which she was not seriously considering) and ask them to reject her just to make her feel better :)</p>

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<p>Thanks, all, for not poking fun at my weird feeling, and thanks very much on his behalf for the congrats. He’s a wonderful guy, and I’m glad he’s got such great choices. Wherever he ends up, they’ll be lucky to get him.</p>

<p>kissy, he seems okay with the denial. A little surprised, to be sure, since pretty much everyone else he knows was admitted there, but he’s pretty clear on the reason, which goes to MotherOfTwo’s question: not only did he NOT have an interview, but he did not even officially take the campus tour, since he’s spent so much time there in the past few years anyway and knew the place really well. If I had to put my money on something, I’d say it was “lack of demonstrated interest” which in an ultra-competitive applicant pool is Not A Good Thing.</p>

<p>Thanks for sharing the stories, yemaya13 and momofonly. I guess that’s it: I was starting to worry he’d think it was “too easy” and take some inappropriate lesson away from this exercise. Wherever he ends up (which is now down to between two amazing schools), he’s likely to no longer be the big fish, so he might as well eat some humble pie before September. :slight_smile: Thanks again, all, for the kind words.</p>

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<p>One of the the things I love about this forum is that we can spit out our honest feelings - even if we feel they are a little “off” in some way - and get support even so. Mootmom, you needed courage to make your post, as one of the other moms did a while back when talking about her guilty feelings about her D’s success in the process. We keep learning from each other and we learn so much more when everyone is free to share even “non-politically-correct” thoughts. Thanks, and best to your S in his great choices.</p>

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<p>Mootmom - Post away. We don’t have to actually live with eachother here so there’s that extra margins of tolerance for these kinds of things. My first post on cc was how my D’s EA deferral was really hard for me because friends of ours had a D who was EA accepted somewhere else and my D had always been a better student and I felt that they were gloating now. I posted it, took it off because I was so embarassed, and then people actually urged me to put it back up. The joy of cyberspace.</p>

<p>Your son must be a really amazing kid for all those acceptances. So you just want the best for him, which means you want life to give him some reality checks. Good for you. And you have what we could maybe term, with all due respect to survivors of true catastrophes, “survivors’ guilt”? Me too. I hate the thought of having to turn someone down and I feel guilty for my legacy status and our financial situation which probably had an impact on our acceptances.</p>

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<p>I think that’s what happened with my friend’s son. His denial came from S, which he had never “officially” visited since he had been on campus before. In light of his other amazing offers, I think they were expecting an admit; at worst,a deferral.</p>

<p>And, I do understand the guilt aspect. My D went 9/9 on her acceptances and when the unsolicited scholarships and plane ticket vouchers started to arrive in the mailbox, I felt a bit uneasy. You hope that those riches haven’t kept some other students from realizing their dreams.</p>

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<p>In fact, kissy, my S’s denial was from S, so this must be their year for “demonstrated interest”. (It’s probably also a factor that roughly 80 students from my S’s school applied there, and they needed some way of whittling down the stack of apps from this one school. :slight_smile: ) As you know, he has an exciting choice to make this month, but as you say, I hope his riches haven’t kept others from their dreams.</p>

<p>At least he’ll help open up some slots on some waitlists, eh?</p>

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<p>mootmom - Stanford doesn’t interview so it couldnt have been that, in your son’s case. And they claim it doesn’t matter if you visit or not. But maybe it is just a case of so many kids from your son’s school applying. Oh well, it is really a “moot” point now :)</p>

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<p>Why are kids applying to sooooo many schools? I understand the need for reach match and safety. But once a student has been accepted to so many, why such distress of not getting into that last one? The whole process of applying way out of control. I know parents are very proud, but I get the sense of lots of stage parents here. It is almost as if kids are hoarding all the marbles while others get few or none to play with. Then say, here, take this, we didn’t want it anyway. I am sure this is going to make some people mad, but we as parents are feeding a very warped system. To get caught up in the fact our child got in so many places, while a parent could be proud, it isn’t necessarily a healthy way to have the admissions process work. After all, they can only go to one. </p>

<p>Just my two cents.</p>

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<p>FYI citygirlsmom – there’s no distress at our house about not getting into that last one. In fact, once he got his EA admittance, which he never expected in a million years (silly boy), my S stopped working on any applications for which he hadn’t already paid the app fee, knowing he already had one great choice if none of the others came through. These days, 8 applications isn’t a really large number, at least not compared to everyone else in this area.</p>

<p>I’ll just brush off the comments about stage parents, since in my own case it is so far from reality as to be meaningless.</p>

<p>(Oh and PS: I started this thread in the first place to express some irrational guilt that he <em>had</em> been accepted to most of his schools, and to express sorrow that he <em>could</em> only attend one. But whether I’d have counseled him to apply to fewer schools, knowing what I know now? Unlikely. I think it was about right for him.)</p>

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<p>Okay, maybe I am coming across a bit harsh, but even with his rejection, which you hoped will “ground” him, you said it wasn’t him, it was the fact he didn’t tour the school or it was too many from his school. I find that interesting. You mention a lesson, well, what would that be? </p>

<p>And, yes, these abundances of riches will indeed hurt other kids. Kids waiting on the sidelines. Equally qualified kids. </p>

<p>It is interesting how people talk about feeling bad about something while describing in detail the “issue” with which they feel guilty. </p>

<p>'At least he’ll help open up some slots on some waitlists, eh?" Says it all.</p>

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<p>Says what all? Sorry, your point is murky. And I guess I’ll have to remember to always add smiley faces if I want to convey any inkling of lightheartedness or humor.</p>

<p>If you don’t like the topic of the thread, feel free to ignore it. Thanks to those of you who do understand the points I’m trying to make.</p>

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<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=49862[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=49862&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>may put things in perspective…</p>

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<p>Having an “abundance of riches” sent your way in the college admissions process is a very humbling experience, especially when it’s completely unexpected. </p>

<p>Not all students are “trophy hunters”. Many, like my D, try to apply to a wide array of schools, knowing that admission to the elites is uber-competitive and never a sure thing. It would be foolish for a college-bound student to apply to only one school. On this board, we see all too often the sad outcome of the admissions process when choices aren’t carefully researched and strategized. If someone is entering the job market, do they apply to as few positions as possible? Not unless they want to limit their opportunities.</p>

<p>I don’t see any sign of distress in the OP’s original statement. In fact, I think she’s humbled by the acceptances and cares a lot about her S’s own character and humility.</p>

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<p>I must say I don’t understand applying at more than 3 colleges either, only because I could never afford all the application fees! (I don’t know how to put a smiley face so just assume it here!)</p>

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<p>mootmom - This is just a matter of curiosity for me, as my son is having a great experience at Stanford and I feel that it was the best choice for him, in many ways. But would you mind telling us why you didn’t care for Stanford as far as being a good fit for your son, as opposed to the other wonderful schools where he was accepted. Thanks.</p>

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<p>“We” have one rejection and 4 acceptances…and my S (whose rejection and acceptances they are, not mine!..altho there are plenty of hours on plenty of days when he has to remind me of that!) is definitely feeling some of the feelings discussed here (I’m busy trying to let what happens to S be SON’s, not mine–whether it’s triumph or defeat!)…</p>

<p>His four acceptances are at four very, very different schools, each of which is a “perfect fit” for a particular set of choices…if he wants to specialize “now” in a field that interests him enough to have listed it as his possible major on his apps, that’s one choice. If he wants to explore other fields in which he’s interested at the same time, then school number 2 is the best choice. Etc.</p>

<p>I do get the feeling that his choice of only 5 schools to which to apply was, in retrospect, a “scarily” (is there such a word?) small number, especially in light of how competitive this college season turned out to be…</p>

<p>S also feels some guilt about taking up spots that might turn out to be open to a kid on the WL; he’s also worried about the effect of his “no” decisions on his high school’s next-year seniors (one college accepted far fewer than the normal number of kids from his HS because they’d gotten the sense they’d become a “safety” for this HS…or at least that’s the “street gossip” at school)…</p>

<p>He does not feel (very) guilty about going 4 for 4 during RD…but does say everyone, except the handful who applied and were accepted ED, got at least one rejection/WL, and so he’s glad he got his out of the way early, during EA, so he didn’t have to deal w/it during the RD acceptance joy…but he also says he would have felt very weird had he not gotten a rejection…he almost (but not quite) feels weird that his four apps during RD all got “yes’s”–</p>

<p>And I also sympathize w/the posters who think 8 (or 5) are “too many” apps that will hurt the chances of others…I still feel twinges of envy/stress when I read about happy acceptees–who aren’t going to go there–to the college that rejected my S.</p>

<p>So: bottom line: there are so many “weird” feelings that go w/this college app process–feelings I never would have anticipated feeling myself, or dealing w/S feeling…and seeing that other people are having these feelings, too, helps me a lot…one more reason to thank CC and the parents cafe!</p>