<p>Actually, my future DIL is a teacher and my DD is a student. Did not know about discounts! </p>
<p>It seems like there are landmines all over the place, with regards to hurt feelings. She has said her mother is the type that would tell her the dress makes her look fat. Or she’s too fat for the dress. (she’s not fat) I imagine she would love having her sisters there. I can’t explain why between the bunch of them they can’t put enough coins together to make this trip. It could be nothing but finances, but I don’t want to poke that particular hornets’ nest. I will have to find a delicate way of making myself available, and we’ll see if she accepts.</p>
<p>I do get that your heart is in the right place. But unless you know this young woman VERY well, offering any advice is going to come across as interfering. </p>
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Again, NO. Mother-in-laws do not get any say in what their future daughters in law wear on their wedding day unless the FDILs ASK. If she picks out a dress that’s on-line, she can send the links to her mother, her sisters, or any friends she wants to. She can ask their opinions.She can also ASK you which you like IF SHE WANTS to. </p>
<p>Now, even if the shopping trip fell through, my hunch is the bride to be has already done some investigation of bridal shops in the Memphis area. Have you asked whether she already made appointments for the weekend her mom was supposed to come? </p>
<p>When my D went wedding gown shopping–with me and a bridesmaid–she had us take photos of her in various dresses and sent them immediately to 2 of the other bridesmaids. They responded within a few minutes. </p>
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<p>Again, why do you assume that she doesn’t have a girlfriend who is coming to the wedding who would be glad to make the trip to Memphis and help her shop? My son-in-law only had his and my D’s brothers in the wedding party, but his best friend helped with a lot of stuff, lincluding the bachelor’s party.</p>
<p>My poor sis was married long after all of the rest of us and had all 3 of us sisters in her wedding party. All of us and mom went looking for bridesmaids and wedding gowns until we were heartily tired of it. Gotta say, the bridesmaids dresses aren’t really intended for 40+ year old bridesmaids! but we did look lovely. </p>
<p>I would check with your D and FDIL and tread lightly and carefully. Does seem a bit odd that none of her family are available to shop with her. Good luck!</p>
<p>What I’m hearing is that, in my quest to avoid hurt feelings, I could cause them. I appreciate the perspective. I do avoid asking probing questions about the bride’s family 1. because it’s none of my business, and 2. because I don’t want her to think I’m judging. I have personal experience with embarrassing and dysfunctional family, and I would be the last one to bring that up. </p>
<p>Do you ever call her just to chat? Or text? How about, “I heard that your family can’t make it to help with the dress, would you like some company? I can chip in if necessary.” I certainly wouldn’t be offended by that, but then, I had a lovely ex, late MIL and I’d have been thrilled if she’d come along to help me dress shop. From what my H has said about HIS mother, she is the last person I’d have invited along. It really depends on the people involved.</p>
<p>I didn’t read all the comments, so maybe someone has already suggested this.
My son and daughter were recently married. My DIL’s parents were out of the country and so I went dress shopping with her - so I have two wedding dress experiences under my belt. </p>
<p>In both cases, a strict budget was in place - $500/$600 for the dress and a minimal amount for alterations. What we found is that many bridal stores have last year’s styles at a very reduced price so we were able to stay within budget. So, when you shop, ask if they have any model dresses from last year. One bridal store actually advertised this so that’s how I learned about it. </p>
<p>Another option is to buy a bridesmaids dress and order it in white. This will work if she’s not looking for a dress with a train or only a small train. One bridal store we went to suggested this - I loved the dress they showed my daughter but she wanted a longer train. Might be an option depending on what she wants. </p>
<p>Also, if you have any sewing ability at all, it is very easy to make the bridal veil. My DIL made hers as she didn’t see what she wanted at a price she could work with. Basically you buy some soft tulle and gather it at one end and attach it to a hair comb or a tiara (see a local craft store like Michaels/ Hobby Lobby for ideas). She added to the tulle, some of the lace from her dress that was leftover from shortening the dress.
I had to make my daughter’s veil as she wanted something that was not possible to buy. It really is a doable option and it is a huge cost savings. </p>
<p>Yes, sseamom, we do chat and text. I only just this morning heard from my son about the problem with her family. Not sure if it was supposed to be this weekend or not. I’m digesting the information I’m getting, and will probably call her this evening. I’m not sure what “my place” is with respect to MOG status. I would rather offer and be dismissed than leave her thinking no one could be bothered. I’m a big girl!</p>
<p>Congratulations, bookreader! Believe me, no one would want to wear anything I sewed! Her own family seems pretty crafty, though. Maybe that could be their contribution.</p>
<p>I assumed you’d offered this to FDIL, and that she’d agreed. I see no harm in offering. It might also be nice to offer to help to bring her mom out, too, but then I might ask your S about that because he might know better than you if they would be offended by your offer. It might be best to stay out of that and just leave it at, “hey, I’d be happy to fly down for a visit and go dress shopping with you and your friends if you haven’t made other plans for dress shopping yet.” (that last bit gives her an easy out.) You can discuss offering to contribute financially later if she agrees for you to come. My FMIL came dress shopping with me and my mom and sister and it meant a lot to me to have her there, I think it would make me feel good if she’d offered if my mom couldn’t come. Brides can be vulnerble and it is nice to know people care, especially future mother in law.</p>
<p>My fiance’s brother is getting married a few months after us, and in that wedding MOG has been a lot more involved in the dress shopping, because MOB has been hypercritical and unhelpful. It has been a nice opportunity for the bride and MOG to bond, since they are both open to it. </p>
<p>Why Nashville – unless it is somewhere more convenient for you to meet? Memphis has bridal stores.</p>
<p>And because it is a big city with a small town feel, you generally will get a level of service there that you won’t find in other places. I suspect that they will all be glad to help your DIL given her time constraints.</p>
<p>Should you go with her? No…My future dil was upset that her mother couldn’t/wouldn’t go with her. (In all matters mob wouldn’t do anything…until I did. This was one unhappy mob. It worked out, but onward…</p>
<p>A wedding dress by its very name adds a lot of money to a dress. Go to BCBG…try them…Anthropologie…I purchased a sorority presents dress from Neiman’s, online. Sue Wong…under $300…and it is gorgeous.</p>
<p>“I would rather offer and be dismissed than leave her thinking no one could be bothered. I’m a big girl!”</p>
<p>I think you are spot on!<br>
A couple of questions/comments?<br>
Does she need your financial support for the dress? Did she not buy one because she can’t afford it or was she waiting for her mom and sisters to visit?
I would offer to shop with her, and I wouldn’t offer the money to her. I would tell your son that you would like to give them $500 towards clothing for the wedding to spend as they see fit. Let him handle it.
I would not get involved and offer to pay her mother’s gas money. I think this crosses a boundary.</p>
<p>I love my MIL of over 30 years. She is sweet and kind and nonjudgmental. I think you are going to be a fantastic MIL and your future DIL is very lucky. Trust your gut!</p>
<p>juniebug - You are so sweet. Maybe you could send the money you were willing to spend to your son to give to his bride-to-be. If finances are difficult for her family, this might be a much appreciated gift. But check with your son first. A dear friend did this for her daughter-in-law. I thought it was so nice. </p>
<p>David’s Bridal is terrific. We know more than one bride who got their dress within two WEEKS of their wedding. One picked out the dress on a Monday, and it was fitted that day. The alterations were completed by that Friday. She was stunning. Dress was well within your price point…and they have tons of choices.</p>
<p>I see her mom and grandma are going to be with her now…but they might still like this suggestion.</p>
<p>There is a David’s Bridal nearby, so I imagine they’ll go there. Good to know a quick turn around is possible. Honestly, I don’t know why she has waited so long. I really have tried not to hover. Maybe she doesn’t realize how long the process can take. I may suggest if she finds the style she likes this weekend, even if she can’t buy the dress, she would know what to look for in some online stores. I am sure she has the money to buy whatever she wants, as I dropped off a large check for the honeymoon when I was visiting last month. Money isn’t really the issue, except for her parents. I just assumed if I went with her, I’d pay because that’s just the way I am.</p>
<p>I am so pleased her mother is coming through for her after all.</p>