<p>I am MOG. Wedding is June 14, 2014. Venue is oceanfront. Bride’s parents have flaked out. Bride lives in Memphis. I don’t want bride to go through this alone, and am willing to travel to TN to help. And probably pay! I see there is a Jessica McClintock and David’s Bridal in the Nashville area, and I know they have affordable dresses. I would rather not pay more than $500, as DH and I are already paying for the honeymoon and I’m not crazy about spending a lot on a dress to be worn once. </p>
<p>Will appointments be necessary? Is there time enough to order a dress and have it altered? Bride is quite tall and big boned, so fitting right off the rack may be problematic. This is a case of the blind potentially leading the blind, and I could use some advice as to a game plan.</p>
<p>Reading this story, my first thought is that this is likely to turn into one of those situations that gave rise to the expression “No good deed goes unpunished.”</p>
<p>Did she ask you to help her? If not, I would suggest telling her that you will help her if she wishes, whether that be to contribute up to $500 or to come down also. Doesn’t she have friends who could go with her? What about your travel expenses?</p>
<p>This may be a situation where she should look at dresses that are not specifically pegged as wedding dresses. Or she could potentially go directly to a dressmaker. Or start ordering options in her size immediately from one of the online resources we’ve seen in the MOG threads.</p>
<p>Here’s a lovely silk dress at a great price, available online:</p>
<p>To ORDER a dress, you need to order 6 months out. I know Maggie Sottero has “priority gowns” (mine is one of them) that you can get in 4-6 weeks, but that is outside your budget and pushing your deadline. I would see if any other designers do anything similar. I’m guessing you will have to buy off the rack, which is fine. I would research her area and call around to different shops and see what kind of selection they have off the rack, especially if she is not sample size. Remember wedding gowns can run small-- I was a 10 when I ordered mine and I had to order a 14, I barely squeezed into the sample 12. A lot of shops I called in my area only carried samples in 4s and 6s.</p>
<p>At DB, you really want to have an appointment, because even having the appointment helps minimally if it’s a busy time of day. Even with an appointment the attention can be minimal if they are busy, they overbook and they take people without an appointment so if they are busy your attendant will throw you in a dress, run away, come back to throw you in another dress, run away, and so on. I almost bought a dress from our DB and was overall happy with the experience, but it was HECTIC. I wouldn’t brave it without an appt. YMMV. </p>
<p>I don’t think your game plan is advisable. I think it would be better to tell the bride you’ll contribute $500 to the cost of the gown SHE chooses. The way you are presenting this, you are buying the gown for her and you are dictating to her it can’t cost more than $500. Whether or not YOU think it’s ridiculous to pay more than $500 for a dress you wear once is irrelevant. It’s what SHE thinks that matters.</p>
<p>Now, it may be that when you say you’ll contribute $500 towards a dress she’ll limit herself to $500 dresses. However, she could also find a beautiful dress she likes that costs more than that and use your contribution towards the cost. If she chooses to do that, keep your mouth shut. </p>
<p>I REALLY don’t think you should offer to go with her. That REALLY comes across as I’m paying so I’ve a right to input in the decision. If she initiates you coming with her, that’s a different matter, but even then I’d hesitate if I were you unless you are already quite close.</p>
<p>I agree with with jonri. If the bride has asked you to come (have you met her?) that’s different, but she may already be thinking about dresses and what she would like. </p>
<p>You might want to send her links to places to get ideas- not necessarily giving opinions on your preferences, but suggestions of places she could go, but even with that, I’d be careful. The last thing you want her to think is that you’re going to be a meddling MIL. Will she have any bridesmaids? I would think one of them would be a likely friend to accompany her. </p>
<p>As MOG, I was kind of hoping I’d have some input on what my son, who is 25, wore to his wedding last summer. No such luck. The bride helped him choose, and they handled it all on their own and I found out after the fact what he had purchased. I had the honor of having it professionally pressed for him before the wedding,lol. They never asked my opinion or help with finances at all, and I think of my son and myself as pretty close. </p>
<p>Gee, I’m surprised at the reaction to this. I don’t see it as about money at all, but about supporting my future DIL emotionally. I think she was expecting to have a girls weekend with her mother and sisters, which has fallen through. Surely, going out with me would be better than going alone, wouldn’t it?</p>
<p>As to the logistics of finding a dress, I am now wondering if she should just order a bunch of dresses online and I could visit later to let her model them for me.</p>
<p>Don’t take offense, but I’m not so sure. Why would she have to be alone? Doesn’t she have any friends? Potential bridesmaids?
Honestly, if my current DIL’s plans with her mom and sister had fallen through, I probably would have been about # 20 on her list of potential shopping mates. Most young adults have large friend networks.
How well do you know your future DIL? </p>
<p>I think, while I understand your generous offer and desire to help, I also am very sensitive to how much our desire to help can come off as a desire to control, or just participate.
Has she actually asked for your help? Are you already friends? This would make all the difference, imo.</p>
<p>Her bridesmaids are her 3 sisters and my DD. Apparently her parents don’t have the gas money to drive 7 hours to Memphis to shop with her. My DD and I just visited a couple of weeks ago, but she is finishing up her semester at school and won’t be able to come up again. They have only been in Memphis for a few months, and although she has made friends, none are very close. Her family lives in an extremely remote area in KY, so even if she went home to shop, she’d have to travel somewhere else.</p>
<p>I feel like I have a good bond with her, and I know we’d have a blast together. Maybe I’m overstepping.</p>
<p>You are sweet to want to help. If she wants you to come down, she will certainly jump on the offer if you ask. Take your cues form her, and go from there. </p>
<p>I like shelz suggestion. Never hurts to ask. Just being aware that you may be overstepping will probably keep you from doing so. Congratulations, btw.<br>
You can also ask your son if there is anything they might want your help with throughout this process You know him and he will have no problem being honest with you or spare your feelings. There might be other ways that they would love to have your involvement. It’s a fun time, but also a time when parents need to be pretty careful, as we tend to want to do too much.</p>
<p>I would pose to her that you would be honored and thrilled if you could be her shopping buddy. Or you and your D could come but only if she wanted you to. Actually if it was me, I would call my S and tell him that you would like to give her $500 for her dress and would be happy to accompany her if she desires. Then he can be the middleman. Tell him you are happy with any outcome but could he call you back when he knows what she decides. I only put it that way because my S isn’t always very good at the communication thing. </p>
<p>I agree–offer the check and see whether she wants your company. If she does, go and have a blast! Great that the two of you have such a great relationship. Could you spring for gas money do her mom could be there too? Something to consider. </p>
<p>This is a very astute comment, HImom. One of my worries of inserting myself in the dress buying, if I were this MOG, would be offending the mother of the bride. How hard it must be for her to not be able to make it for something this fun and special! Because of money. And then if the MOG swoops in and offers money for the dress and taking the traditional role of MOB, it kind of puts down the MOB, even though that’s the last thing the OP intends.<br>
There are reasons weddings are an emotional tightrope. There are so many feelings to consider.</p>
<p>Oh, man. This is complicated. I have not met her family, but I get the strong impression there are some mental health issues with mom. I would be happy to facilitate almost anything, but it’s hard to know how. I am extremely close to DS, and he shares a lot with me. I am delighted to have this woman as a daughter. Seriously, there is no drama at this end. The only reason I mentioned paying for the dress is that I would be unlikely to let her buy if I am with her. Bad habit. She knows how I am. DD and I took her shopping for career clothes when they were up here at Christmas, and I don’t think she was insulted.</p>
<p>I am looking at the links you smart people have provided, and I may suggest we do some online shopping together.</p>
<p>I hadn’t looked at JCrew bridal in quite some time and the selection is much better, but the prices on some are definitely up there for a company like JCrew. You mention that your future DIL is a student. JCrew offers a student discount of 10 or 15% on full price items, can’t remember which. Teachers get 15%. They just had a 30% off of bridal discount a few weeks ago. It would be worth inquiring about the promotions to see if that might make their dresses more attractive price wise.</p>
<p>It sounds less like her family flaked out then that they are simply lower income and CAN’T make it due to finances. If you have the funds, I’d agree with the above that you offer to fund mom to visit to help, unless your DIL says no. If funds are an issue, then it’s also unlikely that DIL can order a bunch of expensive dresses online and pay for them, then return the ones she doesn’t like. I’d offer to come help, and if she says yes, then do it, with the understanding that HER tastes win out, within budget. </p>
<p>I’m guessing it’s a small, low-key wedding, which is why no year-long planning, shopping, fittings etc. have happened. My marriage to H took only a couple of months to set up and I got my dress from the mall about a month beforehand (FWIW, it’s prom season and there are some nice dresses that could work for a low-key wedding in stores now). </p>
<p>Bottom line-only you know your DIL and how she’ll respond. If you think she’ll accept, help. with her permission. If not, you’ll need to sit on your hands and bite your tongue. But good luck. BTW, junebug was my mom’s nickname. Seeing yours makes me smile.</p>
Will she have any bridesmaids? I would think one of them would be a likely friend to accompany her. </p>
Congratulations, btw.<br>