<p>My father-in-law and his wife (DH’s mom is deceased) are having a get-together tonight for my son because they are busy the weekend of his actual graduation. She called up last week and asked us to bring three tomatoes, a head of lettuce and a package of hamburger buns. Doesn’t that sound strange?</p>
<p>It does sound a little strange but if that’s all you need to bring, you’re probably getting off pretty easy.</p>
<p>It’s strange…but just smile and nod…and go. </p>
<p>This is a definite smile and nod event!</p>
<p>Hmmm, I wonder if she has pickles? Cole slaw? ketchup? better check.</p>
<p>My mother would bring 4 tomatoes, lettuce washed and leafed, sliced pickles,buns with sesame seeds and without seeds if that was all that she had to do to NOT have them to come to graduation.
It is a passive aggressive or dementia thing, just play along to get along.
I’d call and reconfirm, she may have forgotten since it was an odd request.
You may have to provide the hamburgers.</p>
<p>hahahaha…</p>
<p>Okay, this could be her inner dialogue.</p>
<p>"hmmm…they will insist on bringing something. They are so busy. What would be easiest for them and still let them contribute…nothing that costs much…oh,I know …one quick stop on the way… rolls, lettuce and tomatoes all at the grocery store. "</p>
<p>She is hosting you to celebrate your sons achievement. That’s awesome! </p>
<p>Now call her and ask her if she needs anything else from the store.</p>
<p>Have fun!</p>
<p>Yes, have fun! I’d love to just have to pick up some tomatoes, lettuce and hamburger buns to take to a celebration. An easy request. I wouldn’t read too much into it . Not sure how the request relates to either passive-aggressiveness or dementia, unless there is previous evidence of something like memory issues.</p>
<p>Most of our family get togethers are set up that everyone brings something. In addition, you don’t necessarily know as much about there finances as you think you do.</p>
<p>
Doesn’t sound strange to me. In our family, if a family event in going on, it’s not odd for us to bing some food to the event out of courtesy. </p>
<p>Even though I have a policy of never telling my guests to bring anything to parties I host, this request does not sound odd to me (unless there is some context that we don’t know about). I actually like the precise quantity statement instead of “some tomatoes” (how many? what kind?). </p>
<p>Sound fine to me. I get asked to bring major entrees all of the time so I’d be delighted if I was asked to just bring those things.</p>
<p>Real in-laws ask you to bring 2 cases of liquor and a keg of beer.</p>
<p>This doesn’t sound strange to me. It’s pretty normal for families to pitch in. Specifying quantity is actually considerate IMO.</p>
<p>Strange that you think it’s strange I guess. </p>
<p>It is strange. She called a week ahead, not few hours prior, to ask OP to bring those items over. If she is throwing a party for OP’s son, why doesn’t she have everything for the meal? I know older people are on fixed income, but those items should have cost around $10-20.</p>
<p>“why doesn’t she have everything for the meal?” This , along with smile and nod, is probably a who cares why she asked them to bring these items? We just went to a family member’s high school graduation party on Saturday. Parents have tons of money but they suggested people bring an appetizer or dessert to share. No problem. Just glad to go and it was a nice time. </p>
<p>I usually do tell people not to bring anything if I decide to host something. But that is usually because I am somewhat of a perfectionist and like to have the flowers, food, etc. just right. I actually admire people who can delegate and have a more casual approach (which I sometimes can have as well but not always).</p>
<p>I am hosting a potluck this Friday, sevmom, and I am battling my control freak demons. 
We host a neighborhood party every year, and people always ask what they can bring. I just say a beverage, if you want to, but don’t worry about it.</p>
<p>I know some families stage gatherings where everyone is assigned dishes or ingredients to bring, especially Thanksgiving. Perhaps that’s what this woman’s family used to do. </p>
<p>In any case, I’d just give her a call and ask if there was anything else I could pick up while I was at the store. :)</p>
<p>It’s tough , Consolation, that’s for sure Hope you have a great potluck on Friday!</p>
<p>@jeannemar, something tells me that there is a history here not totally revealed by a request for lettuce, tomatoes and hamburger buns…</p>