My parents want me to go to the highly selective colleges and universities. Now I understand where they’re coming from: these schools have excellent resources amongst many other things. The thing is, I have low self esteem (it’s a secret that Ive been hiding). I don’t want to go to these highly selective schools (that is if I got in). See I have a deep respect and passion for physics. Having low self esteem and generally high anxiety (over stupid things really), physics calms me down and at the same time drives me to ask more questions and live each day better than the last. What I’m trying to say is I’d love to go to a medium sized school with a good physics department as I feel that’d be a place where I could really focus on improving my self esteem issues and further my passion for physics. However I’m not sure how to approach my dad who has taken me the past two summers to view schools like Caltech, Stanford, MIT, Princeton, and schools in the UC system. I told my dad that my favorite school that we went to was Princeton followed closely by UC Santa Barbara and MIT. So I’m just in need of advice of what to do overall. I understand that this is my problem and mine alone it’s just I feel alone in this entire process.
Are you afraid that your parents will react negatively if you are just honest with them? Because if your parents have your best interests at heart, I think that you should just be honest with them and tell them what you said here - that you’d rather be a big fish in a smaller pond, and that you really want to go to a great but not highly selective university with a strong physics department. You can say also that you feel that starting out in a less competitive place means you could work on yourself personally and really grow and develop as a person.
Apply to a couple reaches where you could possibly see yourself studying. Then fill the rest of your list with your type of school, making sure that you have safeties.
Your parents might not realize that barely anyone gets into those schools. You’d need matches and safeties even if you wanted to go to a very selective school.
A few random things…
-No matter how good of student you are, getting into those top schools is a crapshoot for anyone.
- And if you do get in to a top school, know that you are well deserving. My S’s guidance counselor said that admissions officers do a fantastic job at admitting only people who can succeed at their school. This is particularly true of the hyper-competitive schools which have tons of candidates to choose from.
-But perhaps most importantly, why don’t you talk honestly to your dad? It sounds like he is trying to support your interest in physics. Perhaps the two of you could spend time looking for schools that might meet your personal as well as academic needs.
Thank you.
The “best” school is not necessarily the best “fit.” It sound like your parents have what they think is your best interest at heart. YOU are the one who has to make this decision. Go with your gut and the “vibe” you feel at the campuses you visit. Of course you need to consider the objective criteria, but you also have to be happy and confident about your decision. You sound like a fine, sensitive, intelligent young man. Speak to your parents about your secret. You may find that they will be completely supportive and understanding. Also, there are many resources out there to help you boost your self esteem- books, counseling, web based forums. Wishing you the best, from a concerned mom 