In What Ways Do Your Kids Make You a Better Person?

I’d be interested in knowing.

It seems like 5 minutes ago my kids were little people entirely dependent on my wife and I for everything and now, weirdly, they are young adults making young adult decisions and acting like real people and fully aware of the world around them and capable of worrying about worldly things like trade wars and immigration policy.

It’s weird.

I’m sorry I can’t think of a better word to describe it. My little son is bothering me because he wants to start investing. I told him to wait until he gets out of college. Nope. Wrong answer. He wants to do it now. He knows I will ignore him unless he bothers me enough to help him set up a brokerage account and, like the other thread here about IRA’s, open a Roth IRA. He wants to start investing and he isn’t going to wait until I get around to helping him. Who is this kid? I remember when he couldn’t even see above the bathroom counter and when his backside looked like an apple. I mean, exactly. Apple Touche was one of his many nicknames.

Then my older son, who seems invincible, and always ahead of the curve texts me in a panic the other day. He thinks he has a certain medical condition. You never want to hear that in someone so young. He is 22 or 23 hell I don’t even know I am too busy at work to pay attention. I know he is in his 20;s, give me credit for that. He explains to me what is going on and I explain to him how to get his medical ID card online. He has already done a bunch of research online and he thinks he knows what it is and he is worried. I tell him to calm down, we will get it taken care of. He goes to the university clinic and they run a few tests and refer him to a specialist. He has more tests. He texts today because he is mad that the doctor didn’t tell him more and do more. Once again, I calm him down. It seems like he doesn’t have anything serious but more tests are needed. I’m happy. A little relieved. And a little worried.

I don’t think he has what he thinks he has but I can’t be sure. Only time will tell. I am off topic. I guess the question was in what was do your kids make you better people? My kids seem to be the best part of me and a 80% of their mom which is a good deal for me. I’m happy that they are so social and active in life, always doing things, and are doing well in school with good, solid, practical majors (in the oldest one’s case) and sold resume stuff and internships already. I’m happy that they took 95% of my advice in life so far. I don’t worry about them at all after I am long gone. I’m happy I can talk to them about any topic and they can educate me in some respects. That is weird too. A lot of things are weird.

Medical issues are unnerving and inevitable. Good luck with the current situation.

As for your question, my S, a college sophomore, is always trying to motivate me to do something positive every day. I’m retired, and I appreciate the push to get me started. He also keeps me on my toes regarding current events, as he reads some sources that I do not frequent and provides different perspectives.

Is he in town? Do you ever find yourself asking, “when did he start talking about adult things?” Doesn’t it seem like a week ago you were helping him look like a Power Ranger for Halloween?

@ArchStanton hmm-I recall seeing a regular poster with your screen name on a Seattle-area blog. Could that be you?

My D makes me a better person by going after whatever she wants in life, no matter the challenges or obstacles in the way. I’m far too retiring and shy for my own good, and her attitude inspires me to step out of my comfort zone. She’s also given me the courage to speak up when I see injustice. That’s also a hard thing to do for a shy person, but I try.

@GoNoles85 hope all is well with your on soon.

First–hoping all will be fine with your son. That’s scary at any time. Slow down and focus on him a bit.

I know what you mean about the kids growing up. Just went to the second wedding in our friends “kid” group.

They are such remarkable young people that we parents wonder how that even happened. All those years of “clean your room” and “eat your veggies” and “do your homework!” (plus the roller coaster of other ups and downs) and suddenly they are leaps and bounds ahead in making lives for themselves in a very seemingly short time.
And recently it seems now that we WANT to invite the kids to be with us rather than ditch them.

My kids do make me a better person because they are so much more idealistic than me. I’ve grown a bit jaded over the years Instead of everything being my one-sided “parent” opinion I think we now give each other a balance of views in a positive way. And their enthusiasm for new things and projects is absolutely contagious.

It’s nice that your son is interested in investing. Teach him what you know but don’t be afraid to send him to someone else or give him some basic books to get started. Give him “The Millionaire Next Door” and Dave Ramsey’s “Total Money Makeover” to get started (just a suggestion). One of my friends gave a financial class to all the kids (friends and family and SOs) --he wrote the outline and taught a class (at the request of one of his daughters). Best thing ever.

I too am in the “WTH did he grow up” phase, just went to my son’s graduation recital, and wondered where this poised, amazing person came from, and also amazed that he is scheduling and traveling to auditions for grad school, auditioning for summer programs and neither my wife nor I had anything to do with it (other than paying for the travel) other than advice and moral support.

He has taught both my wife and I a lot. The amount of dedication he has shown to music has both made us feel better that the cost of doing so to us was worth it (it never feels bad to see your support blossom), I think it made us better people because we learned with him to throw away conventional wisdom and the BS we grew up with, that it is okay to chase your dreams, it is okay to go against the flow (as long as you have your eyes open), and the dedication he showed to music I think made us more dedicated people to the things in our lives.

Not even going to mention that his passion and knowledge for music has opened us up as people as well, we have learned a world neither of us knew much about, and came to appreciate just what a human endeavor music is, and how deep in many ways it is.

His zest for sports (weird in a music geek:) rubbed off on me, while I would never claim to be that ardent fan who lives and breathes sports, watching games with him, texting with him about what is going on, has made me appreciate it a lot more, especially given his depth of knowledge, understanding what is behind the various things that go on.

I think, too, he in many ways has allowed ourselves to acknowledge the good we have done with him (rather than obsessing about “should we have done this? Did doing that hurt him?”), when we see this (to us) amazing young man, who is probably one of the most caring people either of us has ever seen, who is humble yet finally has come to appreciate his own skills and knowledge, it allows us to acknowledge that the cost of doing so was worth it, no matter what he does with life, and maybe, to quote a therapist we used a long time ago, we did our job, since he can tie his shoelaces, go to the bathroom by himself and otherwise live in the world…lol. But more importantly, as his own unique self, who is still a part of us.

@GoNoles85 My S lives with us this year so that we can save money, so I see him every morning. He lived on campus his freshman year, and he enjoyed that somewhat, but he says he doesn’t mind living with us.

@sseamom : No, we aren’t in Seattle. “ArchStanton” is from the movie “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly,” and I suspect that the other person using it took it from that movie as well.

My daughters are hard workers (they got that from me) but work harder than I do. They are politically and socially aware. Both participated in women’s marches last week, while I stayed within the comfort of the family home. They inspire me to leave the world a better place than it was when I came along.

My youngest turns 18 this week, so all of the “where did the time go?” comments are exactly how I feel right now. With three totally different kids, I’ve learned that not everyone thinks the same, reacts the same, or feels the same. Which is a good thing. Backing up, I knew that before, since it’s obvious, but now I really get it fundamentally now. Motherhood has brought me more compassion and understanding for others (nothing shocks me anymore), and I’m better for that!

My son received a gift of $2000 when he was 13, specifically to be used for investing. The donor supplied info about sectors and dividend stocks. We knew he could only pick 4 sectors, and stocks within that, he chose the companies he knew, like Home Depot, Intel, Walgreen, and ? No regrets.

@GoNoles85 I just realized that I neglected to answer your second question regarding kids growing up so fast.

All I can say is that for us ancients it all flies by so quickly. Of course life seemed so much sweeter a decade ago (in large part because we were a decade younger!), and it’s hard not to miss all those wonderful trips to academic and other competitions where the worries and concerns were so small in the grand scheme of things. So whenever I begin to wonder where all the time went and how did my S get so grown up, I try to explore the memories of how it all happened and get the most out of them that I can.

My kids made me have more patience, to slow down a bit, to have more empathy, and to be vulnerable. I think I was a different person before my kids came along. My kids gave me their unconditional love. When they put their complete trust in me, I tried to be a better person, the kind of parent they deserve. I am sure all parents on CC feel the same.

My 24-year-old son with schizophrenia has taught me what is really important in life - traits like kindness and honesty. He has taught me what it means to be a true warrior. I am in awe of him. No, he’s not going to find a cure for cancer like we expected him to, but he is teaching everyone around him what it means to be a wonderful human being.

Ah @ArchStanton clearly I haven’t seen that movie! Thanks for clearing that up.

My daughter never ceases to amaze me. She is far more sophisticated than I at that age. She is a good mix of me and her Dad. She always seemed so much more advanced and aware compared to me. I was a late bloomer and fairly naive on a lot of levels. I am humbled by her savvy intelligence and every now and again, I give us props for a job well done. We provided the fertile ground for her to bloom but she he provided the drive. She brought different perspectives we would not readily acknowledge and made us think outside our normal zone. Most of all she didn’t limit herself and that is a lesson I wished I learned early in life. I learned that too late in my life. Funny though, she still looks to me for advice and validation, I guess there is merit in life’s lessons that only come with age.