<p>Sorry in advance if I give too much information or if I am vague about some of the details. My husband and his business partner joined together after each being in a solo business. They have been together for 10 years and during all but the last year, my husband was the managing partner. About 16 months ago his partner decided he wanted to take over the business portion of the group. There has been several issues that they have disagreed on and there has been much tension. Needless to say they are not getting along well and may separate.</p>
<p>Now come the greeting cards. I need some unbiased opinions as anyone in my family or my group of friends would agree with us; maybe we all have a sick sense of humor. My husband has always been the one to purchase the holiday cards for the staff as well as writing a personal note inside each one and signing the card from the business. This year his partner decided to look at each of the cards after my husband had prepared them. After reading the card, the partner sent an email to my husband saying some of the cards were offensive and inappropriate and he would not allow any of the employees to receive the cards this year. Now these cards were purchased from a local greeting card store, not the local XXX adult shop. All of the cards were the brand Shoebox which are just your typical funny greeting cards. Sure some of their cards mention pooping and peeing, but nothing that anyone I know would find horrible; my 85 year old MIL likes the cards we give her. He did not buy the boxed cards as he likes to hand select a greet card for each person, so each of them are different, although there may be a few duplicates. The only card that I saw that one might find offensive is one with a dog peeing on a snowman the the snowman is melting. I don’t remember what the inside said, but I think it was something about not buying a dog. We have a couple of dogs and I believe he only gave this card to dog lovers and people that would find it funny. Again he has been working with these people for 10 years and I think he would know if they found the card offensive. I believe the partner would have preferred a more religious or sappy card and that is just not my husbands style. The partners argument was that they are not friends with the staff, but their employer, therefore the cards were inappropriate. </p>
<p>I can see the partner’s point and maybe my husband should have chosen a different style of card, but was it really a horrible mistake. I think the tension between the two men has made it hard for either one of them to give the other a break. I would like to side with my husband here, but maybe the cards were a bit too much which is why I am asking here.</p>
<p>Not that is matters I don’t think, but we are Jewish and these were all Christmas card, not general holiday cards. Also all the staff is female which may make a difference to you.</p>
<p>Your mother-in-law is not the standard here. Your husband’s relationship with her is personal, not professional.</p>
<p>I see nothing wrong with sending Shoebox-type cards to people whom you know in your personal life, but I think they are inappropriate for use in a business environment.</p>
<p>I would be uncomfortable receiving a Shoebox-type card from my supervisor, but not from a personal friend or relative.</p>
<p>I cannot say whether the cards were inappropriate or not, but I think it’s besides the point.I think that the partner’s decision to look at the cards after so many years of leaving it to your husband is symptomatic of a decaying relationship.
I’d tell your husband that you side with him but that he should let it go. Let the partner choose different cards on behalf of the business. After the new year, the two partners should have a frank talk about how to proceed in the business.</p>
<p>I think Shoebox greeting cards are OK for personal friends. If the staff is a particularly close staff (like second family close, as could be for a small business where folks have worked together for many years), then I think they are fine. </p>
<p>I do think that the relationship is in decline and this review of the cards is symptomatic. </p>
<p>The only other questions I would have are: Does the entire staff celebrate Christmas? If so, then would a humorous Christmas card coming from a Jewish supervisor possibly send the wrong message?</p>
<p>oy! A Jew giving offensive and possibly sexually harrassing Christmas cards to Shiksas? What is this world coming to ? I think your husband needs a divorce - from his business partner, not from you!</p>
<p>“All of the cards were the brand Shoebox which are just your typical funny greeting cards. Sure some of their cards mention pooping and peeing,”</p>
<p>I don’t like those kind of cards, and do think they are inappropriate to give to anyone but close friends whom one knows would appreciate such humor.</p>
<p>I also agree with others who suggest that the tension between your husband and his partner sounds like it is at the point for them to end their partnership.</p>
I would not be so sure about that. Isn’t it possible that an employee might have the reaction, “My boss sends me tasteless Christmas cards but what can I do?” and the employee keeps it to herself or those close to her rather than openly criticizing her boss?</p>
<p>I myself have an irreverent sense of humor but try to keep it within the family/close friends. I would not send cards that might be considered tasteless in a work environment. Also consider that some employees may feel strongly about “Keep Christ in Christmas” and while I do NOT feel anyone of a different persuasion should feel they need to send religious cards, and my own observation is secular, there is a** wide** range between religious and irreverent/possibly tasteless. </p>
<p>
A simple Holiday Greetings with an appreciative note would be appropriate IMO.</p>
<p>Perhaps the partner is even concerned about exposure to claims of harassment. Whether his thinking is paranoid or not, difficult/troublemaking or not, still my reaction is that your H should stay **well within **the bounds of good taste. Those bounds may well vary by individual, whilch is the reason for the “well within.”</p>
<p>You can empathize with your H while still trying to get him to see this from another perspective.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies so far. Yes, the relationship between my husband and his partner is heading towards a divorce; we are just trying to get all our ducks in a row before a final split. They are currently in negotiations and there is a lot of “I want” not what would be best for both.</p>
<p>I have tried to back my husband up here, but I did tell him I felt he should have stuck with the general Christmas card for each staff member. One year I actually got the cards for him and purchased box sets with several different scenes on the front with Happy Holidays on the inside. That said, I would not have thought of the card he bought as inappropriate, but I now see why they could be thought of being so. Again, not that it matters, but each staff members bonus was to be placed in the card. As far as I know, there might have been cards in the past years that were questionable. </p>
<p>I guess it wouldn’t make a difference if the staff that received the so called offensive cards would give my husband a similar type card for his birthday. I guess it is time for my husband to be a boss and not be so friendly to his staff; at less that is what his partner wants. The partner says family discussions are off limits and my husband likes to talk to his staff and knows which child is playing baseball or has a dance recite coming up. While we are not going out to dinner with any of his staff, I know them by name and during a holiday party can sit at the same table with them and have a discussion. My husband doesn’t like the idea of being just the man that signs the paycheck, one of their biggest management differences; my husband care about his employees, his partner doesn’t.</p>
<p>In terms of getting to know his staff and learning about their families, etc., your husband sounds like a nice boss who’s behaving very appropriately. Sounds like he and his partner have some basic differences and your husband will be better off having his own business or partnering with someone who shares his kind of philosophy about supervising employees. </p>
<p>What your husband’s partner doesn’t realize is that people tend to work better for bosses whom they like and whom they feel care about them than they work for bosses who seem uncaring.</p>
<p>Every boss I’ve ever worked for has sent bland Happy Holiday type cards. Last one always uses UNICEF cards. I don’t think Shoebox type cards are appropriate and as an underling I would never have breathed a word to a boss if I didn’t like a card.</p>
<p>I think your husband has a great sense of humor and I, for one, would love to work for him after he figures out what he’s going to do next.</p>
<p>It’s very sad that the partners’ relationship has degenerated so much. IMHO, the Christmas card issue is hardly the main problem, but is just a symptom. If I were you, I’d tell your husband to let the partner have his way with the cards – not the most important thing in the world. But then, it’s time to move on, either by re-jiggering the partnership so they can both remain, or by your husband going to the next chapter.</p>
<p>I think it’s great that your H develops friendly relationships with his staff and knows what is going on with their families. No harm in that, IMO. My comments had to do with being careful with the contents of the cards. I am fine with his getting to know his staff as individuals, and agree that it is likely to encourage a positive office climate. :)</p>
<p>It’s hard to say if the cards were inappropriate without knowing the people he sent the cards to and their relationship with your husband. For example, if he and the person he sent the dog card to frequently exchange dog stories, it might be fine. On the other hand, I have a SIL who always sends birthday cards with bodily function humor - and my family has decided it’s kind of sad that her sense of humor never progressed beyond the 3rd grade. But in my experience the Shoebox cards are a little more grown-up and funnier than the cards my sister in law sends. </p>
<p>I guess I’d say it’s possible they weren’t strictly appropriate cards, but I think the partner also may have over-reacted, and it is clearly a symptom of a business relationship that needs to end. I hardly think your husband committed a huge crime.</p>
<p>I doubt the recipient of the cards would find the card offensive, and really the only opinion that matters is the recipients. After all, OP’s husband is taking care to choose cards individually, so it’s likely that he’s picking ones that are good fits for their recipients. Perhaps the partner is unaware of OP’s H’s motives or relationship or inside jokes with his employees and therefore found the cards questionable.</p>
<p>I’ve always gotten a kick out of my at times less-than-professional bosses. They do a good job keeping the workplace light hearted when it gets stressful around the end of the year. By this time, everyone needs a good break; I can understand how for some that would mean a chuckle at a funny, albeit inappropriate to some, holiday greeting card.</p>
<p>I’m totally in favor of your H’s personality. Sounds like a great guy to work for.</p>
<p>My 17 year old brother got a card from his godfather tonight. It had a picture of a bulldog on the front of it. The front of the card said “Forget two front teeth! All I want for Christmas is my testicles back.” and the inside said “Hope you have a ball this holiday season!” The boys thought it was hysterical. The moms thought it was a little inappropriate. But who cares? The giver and the receiver got a nice little chuckle and had a good time with it. In the end, isn’t that all that matters anyway?</p>
<p>I have to agree with the business partner on the issue of the cards - I think they are inappropriate to send to the employees, regardless of the friendly nature of your H and his employees. I do think it is potentially problematic that he could be seen as insensitive to their holiday (even if not by the employee, then a spouse or BF who influences them). I agree that you can never be so sure how something like this is really received. Even all appearances to the contrary. </p>
<p>I can tell you of a situation that happened to someone we knew years ago, where the kind of thing you are talking about absolutely blew up in his face. Things weren’t going so well for a particular employee in her private life and she started performing poorly. When the employer decided she had to be let go, the employee tried to claim harassment, recalling every off color remark or joke. She did not prevail, but it created headaches and expense for the guy (truth is he probably was the type to carry things too far). I would ask, is it worth even the smallest risk that could happen? </p>
<p>On the other hand, I disagree with the partner on the issue of knowing something about your employees lives, though there may be a line there that an employer is probably wiser not to cross in terms of long drawn out talks about personal problems. H has been very supportive of staff through some tough times, and knows about all their kids and activities etc. IMO, especially in a small office, that can be a positive - it does promote loyalty and the feeling for everyone that work is more than a job. I wouldn’t be surprised if the partner is jealous of your H’s closeness with the staff.</p>
<p>As this whole business between my husband and his partner has been more than stressful, my husband does not like to talk about it a lot. I have to get him at the right time with no interruptions to have a discussion. We talked a bit this morning about the greeting cards again as I felt I didn’t know enough about it. He told me that the few people that received the card that his partner felt were inappropriate, were people that he knows enjoy them. A few of them have even thanked him for the cards and say they save them as they enjoy rereading the card as well as my husband’s note. Now that roshke told the above story, I will wonder if these woman are keeping the cards to throw back in my husband’s face later; I really don’t think that would happen, but in today’s climate I guess anything is possible.</p>
<p>We have decided that in the future all cards will be very simple; lesson learned, right or wrong. When the two men go through there divorce, things will be different in my husband new office. I think he will not continue to be the kind of boss he currently is for a while; he needs to get over the hurt of his partner’s accusations and reevaluate how he wants his practice to run. I feel in time it will all work out, but starting over this late in life is not what either one of us bargained for.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to keep in mind that employees are very conscious of their status as underlings and that awareness is part of the equation in every interaction with the boss (ie, they will not always state their minds if they’re mildly offended by social klutziness). Your H sounds like a well meaning boss and a sweet guy. But the greeting card story kind of reminds me of Michael in The Office.</p>
<p>A holiday bonus given in a company Christmas card that references poop or urine? Why? That is immature, unprofessional, lowers the professional stature of the company, and subtly disrespects the recipient at time when what needs to accompany the bonus is a sincere expression of respect and gratitude for their contribution. It’s like giving a gift to someone while making a demeaning joke or gesture at the same time… there is a backhanded (though apparently unintended) message. Employees who go the extra mile and try to do a good job for 12 months have their effort recognized with a card bearing the image of a dog urinating on a snowman? It doesn’t matter if the recipient owns a dog. It’s “off.” This would be an opportunity for a neutral card with a warm, appreciative handwritten message inside, or a letter of appreciation on company letterhead. An employee could share such a card or letter with their family, with a focus on the employee’s contribution, without having the message of appreciation compromised by a cartoon. The fact that the cards were given in a business environment from a boss to a subordinate, and by a male boss to female subordinates, just makes it even more inappropriate.</p>
<p>In general “pooping and peeing” cards are fine for friends in private, but are not appropriate for a professional business environment. On this subject, your husband’s business partner is correct.</p>
<p>I sounds like the relationship between your H and his partner was going south for a while, and the cards were perhaps just the final straw. If there has been tension and/or a power struggle going on, this sounds like just part of that struggle, and probably really not about the holiday cards per se.</p>
<p>I have a pretty drole sense of humor, and I have bought an assortment of generic/bland holiday greetings and some funny shoebox cards, but we have only used the shoebox cards for personal friends who we were pertty sure appreciated the humor (and none had bodily functions in them - they were more play on words form TV shows, or a police officer interrogating a snowman with a hairdryer, etc). I have to agree that in the professional arena, the generic holiday cards are probably safer. Also, in our office, our secretary looks through the catalogs of holiday cards and selects a few choices for my associate and I to review, and then we pick them together. Avoids any such problems. Granted, ours are going out to referral sources and associates, not to employees, but still, if both of our names are going on them, we both approve the card selected in advance. Maybe food for thought for the future…</p>