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am not sure I would expect my boyfriend to put the house in joint name unless I was contributing to down payment and mortgage. Perhaps he proposed and she declined.
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I agree. No way would I (as a parent) co-sign a mortgage for my child if his non-contributing GF was going to be on the title. Even if I wasn’t co-signing, I’d advise my child not to put a SO’s name on a title if the SO was contributing a fair share.
My MIL was a PITA. I tried very hard to get along with her with no help from H. He knew she was a PITA and would dump her on me. I am a trusting, hopeful sort and thought I would eventually find a way to get along with MIL.
Having kids caused me to give up. She was emotionally immature and manipulative. When she was that way to me, I could take it because I could be the grown up. When she started acting that way towards the kids I couldn’t. I was polite and correct with her, but never warm. I spent a lot of time explaining her behavior to the kids. (Yes, you do have to take a bite of that and say something nice. No, I don’t know why she spent the whole visit watching Russian language TV and ignoring you…)
She gave lots of advice. I went from listening to smiling and nodding to just ignoring her.
I did feel relief when much later in our marriage people began to open up to me about how difficult she was. For years I felt alone in dealing with her. I think everybody dumped her on me because I was the only one who tried to get along with her!
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Now, I’m not saying that IS what is going on. But yes, I think the fact that the couple is unmarried and the house is in BF and his parents’ names, but not hers, and that she may be upset about having to return to work so quickly could all be factoring into this.
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This may be an underlying factor, and the parents may be getting some passive-agressive behaviors because of this, but the new-mom needs to be reasonable. No adult should put a major asset into a shared title with a GF or BF when that other person isn’t contributing.
Who would think that the new Dad should put his GF on his savings acct if he is the only one contributing? Anyone?
If the house situation bothers her so much, then she can work towards them soon buying a new place w/o co-signers and be a contributor.
“the parents may be getting some passive-agressive behaviors because of this, but the new-mom needs to be reasonable”
“If the house situation bothers her so much, then she can work towards them soon buying a new place w/o co-signers and be a contributor.”
Where is this stuff coming from? Is this just speculation for the purpose of speculating? The OP has never, in any of her posts and threads, indicated that the baby’s mother has issues with housing arrangements.
“If my MIL “yelled” at me and flung insults at me, she would get one more opportunity to change her ways. I would never subject myself to that on a regular basis, and no way would my children be exposed to such inappropriate and toxic behavior. I don’t understand people who allow others to abuse them in such a manner, and expose their children to this as well. My reaction would be the same if my family members treated my DH this way. They would be given an ultimatum: behave in a civil manner to my spouse or lose the pleasure of my company and that of my children. I’m sincerely confused as to why anyone would tolerate this.”
I thought it must be my fault that I wasn’t making my MIL happy, that it must be something wrong with me and I needed to be a better DIL. I am by nature someone who avoids confrontation until absolutely backed into a corner, then I Hulk out and get really angry and fight like a cornered rat.
Over the years I’ve matured (and had a lot of therapy, and a fantastic supportive husband), and come to realize that people treat you as poorly as you let them, and rather than avoid confrontation, it’s best to nip it in the bud immediately.
This is a very difficult thing to learn when you’re raised not to express your feelings or to question your parents.
But I changed when I saw the effect it was having on my daughters. I was not going to let them be doormats. Now they are young dragons, and take absolutely no crap, and I delight in their fierceness.
Which is great except when they take no crap from me, either. Which is exhausting. 
I love that!
Well, I have one child , a male. He will spend T-day and Xmas with her family. In all the years they have been together, only the year T-day and hannukah occurred together did they stay with me. I must sAy I loved that, as I had so many gifts for both. Some were gag gifts, some things like socks. The g/f has a twin and a brother, so they have a big family compared to son and me. If I fly and visit them, so be it. I don’t have to plan around holidays.
My understanding is that GF was on her parents’ plan (under age 26), and this plan apparently didnt cover childbirth for dependents.
ACA allows for no maternity care? I would think that was always covered.
I think the issue with healthcare on parents’ plans generally is that the pediatric care for the newborn is not covered. The dependent mother’s pregnancy, labor, delivery and aftercare is covered, but grandchildren of the primary insured are not included in the coverage. That’s my understanding at least. I have no idea what the situation here is.
[Quote=Kaiser]
I’m covered as a dependent under my parent’s plan and I’m pregnant. Will my parent’s plan cover my prenatal care and delivery? Will my parent’s plan cover my baby after he’s born?
The rules are somewhat different depending on the plan your parents have.
If your parents are covered under a small employer plan (less than 50 workers) provided by an insurance company through the Marketplace or outside of the Marketplace, or if your parents are covered under a nongroup policy they bought themselves, then your parent’s plan is required to cover your prenatal care and delivery.
However, if your parents are covered under a group health plan offered by a large employer (50 or more workers), then your parent’s plan is only required to cover your prenatal care, **but is not required to cover the delivery.
@Nrdsb4, my MIL was an equal opportunity abuser.
She treated her daughter, “DaisySue”, like a doormat, and insulted “DaisySue’s” choice in husband-“Elmer”. (To be fair, my SIL’s husband, Elmer, is an utter and complete jerk and also treats my SIL like a doormat. So I had to agree with MIL on that one).
My MIL was extremely abusive to my BIL “Grover,'s” wife, Loretta.
MIL announced that she would be caring for the eldest of their grandchildren, Bubba, because Loretta wasn’t a good mother. Grandma wanted him, and only him, of their three; the other two were ignored. (Loretta was arrested for stealing milk for her kids since MIL told son Grover, not to give Loretta any money, ever. Charges were dropped, but because Loretta now had an arrest record, MIL was shamed).
So on the weekends, Loretta got to visit with ‘her’ son, Bubba. Bubba turned out to be just as abusive and hateful as MIL was. (I couldn’t believe Loretta let MIL break up their small family!) When MIL passed away, Bubba got most of her stock money. Toxic waste to me.
FIL felt badly that our kids didn’t get anything, so he took money out of his pocket to “level the playing field” and told our kids that it was from grandma. We found out later, that it wasn’t.
FIL is an extremely kind man, so, for the life of me, I couldn’t see how he ended up with my MIL. The guilt trip that that woman put on her husband was shameless.
I tried really hard to show compassion towards the lady. She had the worst ailments and I’m hoping that’s the reason she was so bitter and a PITA.
The issue was that the pg girl’s mom’s employer policy would not cover the pg girl’s maternity. Yes, ACA is supposed to mandate maternity coverage, but for some reason this one didn’t. I think it was the same poster…
^ Strange. well it sounds like she was employed. Maybe she had insurance thru her employer.
I wonder if the OP was confused about the coverage. Typically the prenatal and delivery are covered, but not the nursery/care for baby.
However, if the New Dad had insurance, then his insurance would pick up the baby care as his new dependent.
@aunt bea, wow, what a dysfunctional family. Seems like Loretta didn’t fight because she was ganged up on at every turn and just had zero self esteem.
That’s exactly what I do NOT want for my daughters and which is why I would never have modeled acquiescence to an abusive in law in order to keep the peace, no matter that they are “family.”
What a sad tale.
A little off topic, but I just got my color touch up yesterday, and this thread reminded me of what drives me crazy about my stylist. She always wants to tell me to try this (restaurant, food, new store) or go there (whatever vacation she just took or is planning). Instead of asking what I like, she wants to tell me what I should like. Many of her sentences start with “You should.” She won’t see this as being overbearing, she’ll see it as being helpful. She owns the salon, and I’d go crazy working for her - always needing to tell someone to do something, even if they are doing something else that is also productive. It just has to be her idea.
I can take it from my stylist because she really is good at what she does and I see her once a month. It would drive me crazy in an in-law. Or a parent. But I know she treats her kids the same way, there could be trouble down the road for their spouses. Even if she would tell you she likes them, she will be giving them their own “you shoulds.”
I’ve got an old friend like that, always declared what’s “the best” whatever. Met his wife last summer and she’s at her wits end.
Here’s the thread by the OP about a under-26 year-old on parent’s employer health insurance not having maternity care covered: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/18123960/#Comment_18123960 (Note that the OP references a “friend’s” daughter, but it might actually be her dil.)
My in laws are toxic & my DH is an amazing Dad both because of the love and support he got from my parents at young age and because his guide was to do the opposite of his parents. He really struggled with honoring his father and mother and disagreeing with them, they are extremely manipulative and good at it. I have known them since I was 16 & married young. They looked pretty decent from the outside and it was the best decision of our lives that DH moved us far far away from them.
MIL also became disabled when I was pregnant, that was a huge help in avoiding much of the stress and trauma of them.
When I read this I think about all the shouldas I heard from my in laws and how to this day FIL still thinks he knows best about everything. No one wants to be around them, at all, visits are obligatory and short.
As my DD has a baby, I promise myself that we will never judge her and her DH, only support them. My job in helping them with any decisions is only to give them more info (when asked) so they can make a good decision, not to make the choices for them.
And, yes, I do recall being annoyed when MIL & FIL showed up with D1s Christmas outfit, in a color I did not like, and I was expected to dress her in that, yes, I removed it as soon as we left their house.