It would never occur to me to ask permission. Yikes. I would simply love to show off my grandchildren to my friends of 40+ years who certainly are not on the younger generation’s Christmas card list.
Cards are private. It’s not like pasting the childs image all over the internet. JMO.
Sorry, OP, your DIL sounds like a real challenge.
Ask the FATHER what pics of HIS family he would approve of for the card.
VaBluebird, the point is that once the OP asked and the mother said no, the OP pushed back – the mother reluctantly said yes - and then the OP pushed too far and included three pictures. That’s a deliberate disrespect of the mother’s wishes, and I don’t blame the mother for feeling put off.
You may think it’s silly, but It’s her child and her right to ask you not to share. Even Facebook has a policy of deleting photos of minors that are published without the parent’s approval upon request. The mom is clearly frustrated with a lack of respect for her boundaries on this and other issues. In general, whether it’s on Facebook or a holiday card, I don’t think it’s very considerate to share photos of other people without their permission.
I love discussions like this. I learn how differently people feel about things.
I think it’s sad. I can’t imagine telling my dear MIL “no, your friends may not see our baby.” Seriously.
Oh well. It’s all yet to be for me. I do know to keep my mouth shut and just smile, smile, smile and let them set the guidelines. I’m totally okay with that. In fact, I prefer it.
^^
technically, probably yes. However, 99% of grandparents have probably shown pics of their grandkids to others without asking if that’s ok. Heck, are grands supposed to ask permission to display their grandkids’ pics in their homes in case a visitor sees the pics w/o the parents’ permission??
good heavens…with the scrapbooking craze that went on a few years ago, how many people have scrapbooked pics that include other people and their kids? A gazillion.
No, but they should sew tiny curtains for each photo of their grandchildren on display, and close them whenever visitors show up.
Parents wishes should be respected and not disregarded because it’s inconvenient for the grandparent.
The DIL gave a reasonable accomodation and grandma ignored it.
There is also a huge difference between showing off pictures in your own home and having them sent out.
And, once again, this seems like a symptom of a much deeper problem.
I do, of course, understand the difference, Romani. I was just being silly.
I know, Donna. And the visual was actually really amusing. My response was to the others 
That the OP has not returned is, to me, quite telling. The OP does not want the boundaries that the son and his wife have erected and I think she came here hoping that we’d agree with her. I think she left disappointed.
Her other posts have made it clear that this relationship isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
The OP responded several times in this thread when the consensus was firmly behind Team Grandma, but hasn’t returned since Team Mom took the lead. I am Team Mom. Mothers trump grandmothers - they just do. As a new grandmother myself, I realize that I can choose to respect my children as parents, or I can do end runs around their wishes, push back on their limits, and probably wind up wishing I’d been more supportive and respectful. It’s not a tough choice.
@mom2coIIegekids “However, 99% of grandparents have probably shown pics of their grandkids to others without asking if that’s ok.”
Of course they have. But there’s still a big difference between showing someone photos on a phone or FB on an individual basis versus a mass mailing or posting on the internet for the benefit of everyone and their friend’s friend’s friends.The mom can’t stop the OP, but if it matters to her for whatever reason, the OP should just respect her wishes.
Again, this is about total context. If it were just this issue in isolation, we’d likely all say - oh, goodness, mother needs to get over it, what’s the big deal if grandma sends out a Christmas card picture, she’s excited, let her be excited.
But there is a PATTERN that’s very evident from the totality of the OP’s posts. There are comments on feeding styles and a frustration that mother hasn’t given a bottle yet so that grandma can babysit. There’s competition with the other grandmother as if time spent with the other grandmother takes away from anything. There was a feeling of being “left out” if not in the delivery room and an apparent lack of disregard whether the laboring couple wanted her there. There’s a feeling that “she has a stake too” and that if there is a disagreement, she “lets” the DIL win. All of these inform how we reacted to the OP.
This is an oops baby. OP told the baby’s mama, while she was pregnant, she needed to find some reliable birth control for the future… I hope the OP will be able to salvage this relationship, rather than creating more strain with the mother of her grandchild and am crossing my fingers for them both.
My kids know I can’t sew so I hope they aren’t going to expect me to make tiny curtains when they have kids.
Exactly@alh. The Christmas card issue is just another example of disrespect by the OP towards her grandchild’s mother . It really bothers me that OP has placed all the “fault” for the pregnancy on the mother and does not recognize her son’s responsibility in the situation at all.
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But there’s still a big difference between showing someone photos on a phone or FB on an individual basis versus a mass mailing or posting on the internet for the benefit of everyone and their friend’s friend’s friends
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True, but that wasn’t the situation. I would bet that many grandparents include pics in Xmas cards that include pics of GKs and don’t think to ask the parents. And, likely, vice versa is true as well. I’m sure that I’ve included pics that include pics of my parents…never asked them, either.
I do think there is a deeper problem here, and this pic issue was just a way for the young mom to get back at grandma.
I’ve seen no evidence that this was to go after grandma. In fact, D agreed even though she didn’t want to which means she compromised with grandma.
This may open a whole other can of worms, but as a woman, I believe the responsibility to not get pregnant starts and stops at my vagina. Or in that general area, no pun intended. I hope that’s not considered a verboten word or I’m going to get put on warning again. In my household, vagina is not a dirty word or a swear word, so I’m going to run with it.