Lol, she listened when the doctor came in and repeated everything I had been saying. Grrrr…
I didn’t confront her because DH was so ill and the last thing he needed was a tug of war over his sick bed.
As I said, she did eventually calm down, and she is back to being a nice MIL who respects our boundaries. I’m willing to excuse her behavior as temporary insanity, lol.
I make fun of myself about my son because I know that I am ridiculous. But the fact is that I really am that ridiculous. I hold him to standards of behavior and have always provided appropriate discipline, but the core fact is that I worship him. I love that boy beyond reason or sanity. If I could have him with me every minute I really would. I am entirely too much where he is concerned. However, I have learned from my girls that it’s ok to be loving, affectionate and attentive to your adult kids if you do it in a way that isn’t intrusive and you include their partners on an equal footing. One of my Daughters is involved with a boy who lacks an involved mother, so he has been delighted to be fussed over by me, and I am delighted to fuss over him.
In some ways, the gods smiled on my son because as pampered and petted as he is (and boy is he), what he has taken away from it is that he is one of the most empathetic people I know, which allows him to deal with me in a very sane and stable way. He is also killingly funny in a self deprecating way. I have come to think that his future wife will actually benefit from the fact that my son’s life has been so influenced by strong women.
But I really hope I will be able to walk away in the upright position when I leave him at college.
DS and DIL are expecting my grand baby next summer. He asked if I was planning to hop on a plane when she goes into labor. I said, I will come just as soon as I am asked. Let’s just say, I’ve learned a lot from this thread!
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I think our role as MIL is just to smile, tell our kids and their spouses that “they’re doing great” and bake cookies.
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…and babysit!!!
I hope mine don’t ask me to be in the delivery room.
The idea of parents or in laws being in the delivery room creeps me out. Unless you’re a trained medical professional or were there when this mess started, I don’t want you anywhere near me.
I declined when the nurse asked if she could position a large mirror so I could watch the birth of my second baby.
@romanigypsyeyes, I am a trained medical professional, and I can’t see my Ds asking me to be in the delivery room, unless for some reason, the father cannot be present. And I am good with that. To me, regardless of issues of modesty, that is an extremely intimate experience between the mother and the father, if they are in a loving, committed relationship. I would feel like a voyeur in that situation, and an intruder upon the father’s experience.
Who knows how one would feel when the actual situation presents itself, but that is my take at present.
@nrdsb4 good point, I wouldn’t want family members there even if they were trained professionals. (Excepting, of course, if my partner couldn’t be there.)
I can’t articulate why it makes my skin crawl but it does. I don’t even want to be there, let alone anyone else! (Except my partner gets to suffer along with me 
)
It makes my skin crawl, too, but if everyone is on board, I think it is wonderful however the birthing process is comfortable for the mom. Want to hear something really skin crawly? A very close friend became pregnant by a man about a decade ago, IMO it straddled the line between bad judgment and date rape. She decided to keep the baby and was open about it being his child because at that time she believed they just both acted badly, but they were not a couple. Things got hostile and he became controlling and actually sued for the right to be in the delivery room. It was absolutely hideous and it was a taste of things to come. Now back to the thread . . . .
@zoosermom, did he win that suit?
@juniebug bravo!!! I am glad my thread is helping =D>
Nrdsb4, he did not win, but it had to go through the process, which was hellacious, and he got very liberal visitation from birth. I am far from a man hater, but I think in that case he got too much too soon, and interfered with the mother and child’s recovery and bonding.
@zoosermom that is skin crawly. Many (I can’t remember how many, but it used to number in the 30s) states allow for parental rights for the father if the child is a result of rape. Michigan is one of them and I have a friend who went through hell because her rapist sued for visitation rights (WHILE he was in prison for raping her!) He didn’t win, ultimately, but it was a very drawn-out process.
That is absolutely horrible. I have even heard of rapists being given custody of the child if the biological mother dies. What lunatic allowed for the possibility of parental rights after such a crime? I’m sorry (not) but your parental rights are gone, burned, and buried, if you rape the mother of that child!
In Medieval times, capturing a woman and raping her was an easy way to assure that you would become her husband. And then own her dowry and other property. Eleanor of Aquitaine spent some time on the run after divorcing her first husband because she was such a rich prize to capture. Barbaric.
Risking TMI, I have to say that I was very interested in examining the placenta after S’s birth, but watching in a mirror??? No thank you. That is weird. A friend’s H took pictures of the baby crowning, and she showed them to us. No. Just no. If my H had leapt up and starting taking pictures with a flash going off in my face at that point I would have arisen from the bed and killed him on the spot. 
When my D2 was born, it was one of those blissful, natural births, and I was almost sitting up. I saw her emerge because it was such a breeze that my eyes weren’t even closed. I can attest to the fact that she was born beautiful and it really wasn’t weird.
“I am a trained medical professional, and I can’t see my Ds asking me to be in the delivery room, unless for some reason, the father cannot be present. And I am good with that. To me, regardless of issues of modesty, that is an extremely intimate experience between the mother and the father, if they are in a loving, committed relationship.”
I will tell you, from experience, having my husband (an ob-gyn) in the room was a very difficult thing, because I wanted / needed him to serve the role of husband / father but at the same time wanted his medical opinion on what my doctors were doing. He agreed with the care 100%, but it was an extremely difficult position to be in and there’s a good reason why doctors aren’t supposed to take care of / operate on their own families. Just too much emotion involved.
We all have varying levels of comfort around these types of things. I have friends who are obgyns and midwives and think birth is beautiful.
Me? I can’t even watch animals give birth to baby animals that are actually adorable. Otoh I had no problem looking at internal and external pictures of my gallbladder removal. But one loving thing coming out of another? That’s where I draw my big ole “NOPE” line.
It takes all types to make the world go round 
Me? I would have been happy if I hadn’t even been in the room when I gave birth. I definitely didn’t want anyone there but medical professionals and H. Everyone should determine on their own who they are comfortable having present. I will very happily come see my grandchildren whenever the parents ask me to - but I will not be in the delivery room (of course, unless the father can’t be there, etc). I had my time to experience parenting - now it is my children’s time. I don’t ever want to take any of it away from them or stress them out.
My son tells me that he’s just going to have cats (he’s gay so no unplanned grandchildren). But I will also be a terrific cat grandma. Bring lots of catnip and tuna treats and catsit whenever asked.