My MIL was present when D3 was born and she did the same thing. That camera goes everywhere! I actually took the film in for processing and picked up the photos later. I went to a small, local place, not a big chain drugstore.
When I picked them up, I was speaking to the woman there and then she said, “oh, that’s your baby? You’re the mother? I didn’t recognize you”. Hahaha, I said, “I guess you weren’t looking at my face!”
“Me? I would have been happy if I hadn’t even been in the room when I gave birth.”
Me too. I found nothing “miraculous” about the experience. Becoming a parent was life-changing, but the physical act of giving birth - eh, just something you have to get through.
Where’s at @patsam ? Missing from cc for 2 weeks.
@megpmom: lolol!
What I have found disturbing were videos of home births where young children are in the room.
@Madison85, the OP has shown before that she’s not big on sticking around to listen to advice she doesn’t like. B-)
I’ve known families who had siblings present. Not at home, either; at the hospital, pre-approved. They all said it was a wonderful experience that bonded the siblings. One six-year-old cut her sister’s umbilical cord.
I don’t blame the OP. This thread has not been CC at its best, IMO, in terms of the tone and thoughtfulness of posts. Regardless of opinion, I try to keep in mind that posters may be in the middle of an emotional situation; perhaps even having made comments or acted in ways that they will later regret. Even if one disagrees with a poster’s behavior or views, it’s possible to respond in a positive and helpful manner. I haven’t posted on this thread, but it has seemed to me that the OP has kind of been picked on here and, in some instances, treated disrespectfully.
^^I tend to agree with you and wondered if the thread was any use at all to the OP. When we ask our real life friends this sort of question, they probably aren’t going to tell us we are flat out wrong. Maybe sisters tell us the truth. We do in my family. On the internet, people are much harsher and more truthful. I have no idea if that is useful. If someone really wants an objective opinion, maybe so. However, I doubt many of us want to hear we are wrong when we ask this sort of question, and even if we hear it, is there any possibility we believe it and change our actions?
I agree the OP has been treated disrespectfully, but I also believe she has treated her grandson’s mother disrespectfully and that really bothers me a lot even though I don’t know either of them. To me this seems like a situation that could be salvaged, if the OP were willing to change her actions. It will be up to her and it sounds to me like she is just digging herself in deeper instead of digging herself out. She isn’t understanding the consequences of her actions. I don’t know how we can help the OP. I wish we could. I really do.
Even if it hasn’t been useful to the OP, it may have been useful to some of us who may find ourselves in similar situations.
I think the problem that some of us have (or at least me) is that this seems to be a pattern from the OP and not a one-time thing. But every time the thread turns to disagreement with the OP, she disappears. It seems as though she wants an echo chamber and that isn’t what one necessarily finds on boards like this.
She asks for advice and doesn’t like the advice given. Maybe she then goes and gets reassurance for her point of view from her real life friends. But if they support her, why ask here?
From one of her first page posts. I do hope she is getting to a place she can begin to see the other side of things. That baby will benefit from having her in his life.
You are grandma. Either you should have not asked, or deal with what mom said.
Completely drop the subject, and don’t include a picture of the baby.
It isn’t really about a holiday card.
She told the young woman, while pregnant, to plan on better birth control than what she was using, “or not using”.
She wanted to be in the delivery room and seemed to consider it her right.
When the baby was four months old, she was wondering why he couldn’t have bottles so son could bring him to visit her.
She doesn’t feel she gets enough visiting time. She keeps score with the other grandmother.
She refers to her grandson’s Mom as over-sensitive and more reactive than she is used to. On the other hand she sees herself as easy going. She lets the Mom “win” and is concerned about her own “stake” in this baby.
And this is just what she has shared with us on this board, where she expects us to agree with her. It may be mean and disrespectful for me to list all this. My hope would be it begins to make sense to her that she really isn’t being as supportive as she imagines. This would alienate almost anyone. imho.
If my MIL wanted to be in the deliver room, my response would not be appropriate to post on the Internet.
As usual, sending a holiday photo collage/card is a symptom of something far bigger…
I’m not sure the wrap-up of posts on this thread is some disrespectful tone by responders. On an anon forum, some OP’s do reveal more than they would among RL friends, where they have more vested. That can set a tone. And many leave a trail of posts and responses, a record. All of us should be aware we can be judged by that.
correction: wondering about giving bottles at “almost four weeks old”
A right to be in delivery room is probably only my interpretation, though she did keep bringing it up. Others kept telling her not to go to the hospital until she was invited to do so.
She explicitly said she wasn’t sure if the mother-to-be knew she was planning to be there, but that she was ok being at the head and not where the action really was. There is NO circumstance in which you should be entering the delivery room of anybody who hasn’t made it abundantly clear that you are desired / welcomed, unless you’re the doctor / nurse. I don’t care how exciting it is for YOU; it’s not about you, at all.
To be fair, I really didn’t get the impression that she wanted to be in the delivery room. She did, however, plan to go to the hospital whether her presence was desired or not.
Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I thought it was noteworthy that she talked about being at “the head.” Like the DIL is some kind of uterine replicator, not a person in labor.
Whether or not that is the case, if what she has said here is an accurate representation of how she behaves IRL, she treats the DIL as if her only reason for existing was to breed a grandchild for her, and now it would be easier if she went away. Maybe that’s an exaggeration.
@alh, I fail to see how it can be disrespectful to reiterate what she has chosen to say herself.
I’m more disturbed by what I interpret as efforts to interfere with breastfeeding.
It’s not very nice to point out shortcomings. I don’t know when it is justified. When someone asks our opinion, I hope it is justified to give it. However, I’m giving a whole lot more opinion than she asked for, which really isn’t respectful on any level. And it probably isn’t very useful to anyone, least of all the OP. I would never be this blunt in real life, except to one of my own sisters.
I think a number of us would be done with this thread if OP had simply said, thanks, I’ll take that into consideration and try to make some positive changes.
But this whole thing started with erasing boundaries, pressing and then ignoring the compromise the mama agreed to.
Yeah, I didn’t want to see what was going on with my nether regions during delivery either-I’m assuming my lady bits looked a bit like Ronda Roussey’s face after that last kick.