I think the first point is that, on a forum, we are what we write, that’s all others know of us. And sometimes, we’re generous and sometimes cranky, even tough. Usually, there isn’t much context or back-story to go on. And,most of us get that.
Second thing is that babies, new moms, kids getting married, and a few other topics, are their own sort of tricky turf. As parents, it helps to know when to get involved and when to back off, how sensitive the true primary players can be and when to simply defer to them. And learn to love it.
The original story on this thread was about what one wants versus another. I went through this when my mother didn’t get along with my SIL and all the explanations in the world only seemed to make the snowball bigger.
I (try to) take the long view, to “look forward.” Today’s tussles can cost you more in the future. Be wise, love what you can, back off when it is more important than getting what you want today. We need to know when it really isn’t about “me.”
I just have to address a couple of things here. I was an extended breastfeeding mother and an LLL leader for years, so . . . Many working mothers breastfeed and pump for a year, particularly if they take a several month leave, but even if they don’t, the babies will often reverse cycle nurse and some will take a sippy cup very early because the action doesn’t confuse (or outrage) the baby. Babies are smart and they know what they want. There are plenty of ways for moms to continue breastfeeding for as long as they want to, and the only role anyone else has to play is to support the nursing pair.
As far as single moms with fathers in the picture, sometimes judges in the first six months will order very frequent, short visits in the mother’s home, if it all possible, or at a neutral site if it’s not. But, you know, I think you sell fathers short. More fathers (even those not in a relationship with the mother) want the best for their kids and understand that the nursing relationship is a very short period in the life of a child and will work hard to support it.
It seems like Patsam’s son and DIL are raising their baby as a family, so it’s probably likely that her son is committed to the breastfeeding decision, as well. And let’s not forget about the cost of formula.
No. Not a bottle once a day. No.
If a father can’t find another way to interact with his baby for a few short months, then he isn’t trying very hard.
“This isn’t directed at the OP, but I’m always honestly completely baffled by how many people are uncomfortable with breastfeeding. To me it’s like being uncomfortable seeing a kid eat fruits and vegetables”
Well, the idea creeps me out - for ME. Just the idea makes me cross my arms, the idea of a baby there makes me cringe and swat this imaginary baby away, and I feel a bit uneasy sitting next to someone who is doing so - because I envision the discomfort it would cause me. There is no planet on which I could find it physically comfortable - I can barely tolerate breast exams. Trying to, or being guilted to, bf would have sent me over the cliff. thank goodness everyone in my life let me be.
However, my discomfort is entirely my problem, not the mother’s. It’s not my place to tell her not to, and if she’s in public she has every right to be there and my feelings are my problem, not hers.
And since we’re being honest here, I am baffled how someone can let a baby suck on such a tender part and not be in pain. It doesn’t compute for me. Seriously I hunch my shoulders just thinking about it.
“The only reasons for a breastfed baby to get a bottle (of anything) are because the parents want to do it, or if it becomes medically necessary. There is no obligation, EVER, for parents to make feeding decisions to oblige a grandmother. And that goes for parents who choose formula over breastmilk, too.”
I am very passionate about breastfeeding, obviously. My D1 is getting married and thinking about kids. She casually told me that she doesn’t plan to breastfeed because she feels that it requires too much discipline. I think she expected me to be upset. I wasn’t. Not my baby, not my business. I know that she will be a great mother and the details are not up to me.
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AND maybe the dads of breastfed babies would LIKE to be involved once in a while? A bottle a day maybe? He does do bath time though.
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If the father feels cut off in this regard, that may be a valid feeling - but it is HIS job to negotiate that with the mother and for THEM to work out their duty sharing. Not the MiL’s job.
For me, it was painful-at first. I almost gave up. Once I got it figured out, it wasn’t anymore. And seemed perfectly natural.
Once you become established with breastfeeding, if you can’t feed on schedule-THAT is painful!
And absolutely, it’s the mom’s choice, and whatever she decides, she should be supported in that. A MIL who makes cracks about her bottle feeding DIL doing something wrong because she won’t or can’t breastfeed-just as out of line!
It actually isn’t painful if the latch is correct because the pressure is behind the nipple, but you know what? It’s not for everyone and that is ok. Personally, I feel blessed and gleeful and grateful and awestruck that I live in a country where there is clean, abundant water and a readily-available, safe, healthy alternative to breastfeeding.
^^^^Yes. Though when I first started, we didn’t have the latch down correctly, and OMG. I won’t go further or @Pizzagirl might get queasy (and understandably so). But it was excruciating. Thank goodness for my pediatrician’s lactation nurse, is all I can say.
I breastfed all three of my babies. I found it so much easier than dealing with bottles, formula, etc. My decision baffled my mother, three older sisters, and my mother-in-law. Yes, I got some comments on it but I didn’t get upset about them. I had made a different decision - no big deal. I don’t think anyone meant to be hurtful or rude on purpose … just curious and willing to point out that my decision was worthy of discussion. Again no big deal. I try to save irritation for intention to be rude … and it happens. I personally think the DIL sounds a bit touchy about things (though I realize that some history may be involved.)
By the way, pictures were taken at a family Thanksgiving we just attended. The pictures have now been emailed and posted online by the grandmother. No one thought a thing about it … except me … due to this thread. (I love CC for this reason.)
I have never, ever in my life felt so much physical pain as when I nursed my babies. And that includes unmedicated labor, broken bones, and a car accident. I read dozens of books. I had La Leche and professional lactation consultants come to my house. Help from nurses and pediatricians for months. I was determined that I was going to do it because it was best for my kids. And it was awful. Always. Excruciating, no matter what, for months, even when the babies and I were doing it properly. So I will never, ever, ever judge anyone either for nursing or for choosing not to. Thank god I had support from my family, or I would have lost my mind.
Yes, there was pain from several issues. And, I vividly recall being in the OB’s office for a follow-up. Some baby in another room cried and I had a letdown reflex response. Ugh.
