<p>Throughout the whole process, my son has not been very engaged with the idea of launching into the world. Part of the problem is that he hates school even though he’s a top 5% student and he’s not really fond of his peer group in school. When home he’s glued to his computer and does most of his happy socializing on line in role playing games. He’s an introvert who doesn’t talk much, doesn’t like sport fanatics or rowdies, drinking, smoking, druggies or swearing nor does he go for the overly religious types. He doesn’t really date either although he’s been out on a few group dates as he’s good looking although shy. Anyway, all the stuff that many kids can’t wait to get away from parents to do hold no allure for him. He also has no idea what he wants to do for a major which really bothers him the most of any factor.</p>
<p>Anyway, he had minimal criteria to go by (location, rank, size) and wouldn’t you know it, he was accepted by all six of the universities he applied to. Now I am put into the position of helping him decide where to go since he has a horrible time making any kind of timely position. None of the schools offered any money, so that isn’t part of the equation. We are paying out of education savings. </p>
<p>Of the 6 schools, he’s visited 3 and eliminated one. Of those remaining three are more expensive-- for example Penn State UP. He doesn’t think visiting it will help him decide anything since it is just “looking at buildings”. One is in state-UMD College Park. One is a legacy school where his older brother will be a TA and getting his MS (VA Tech). UMD looks like a nice campus and has a lot of degrees/subsets offered but I have read a lot of negatives from students who hate living in/around campus. VT is large and beautiful plus his brother has a townhouse there where the campus shuttle picks him up and he never has to use his car (youngest son has no car). He could also be a good person to help transition the kid to a radically new situation in his life. My concern has to do with whether living off campus would be bad for this currently non-social kid or if it would be best being in a dorm-- yet you see how judgmental he currently is! I’d like to help him select what would be in his best interest to make it a positive growth experience when his comfort zone appears to only be at home. </p>
<p>There’s no jobs to be had here at home , no stimulating friends and his brothers are all out of the house and doing their own thing. He’s not exploring like he needs to so " a year off" is a non-starter idea for us. I think he’ll be OK once the deed is done–it’s just that he’s the only major introvert of my three sons and it is hard to know how to work with him!</p>
<p>If he has not visited the rest of the colleges (and it sounds like that’s the case) then I would absolutely do that if at all possible. My oldest son felt quite similar to yours and was also a big gamer. There is a huge difference to the feel of VT and PSU. I’ve visited both. Why would anyone go to see buildings? It’s the academic and social feel that you need to get, and no matter how many people you talk to on-line, their feelings are not your feelings. Just because one person likes one college over another does not mean it’s the right fit for your son. I wouldn’t take no for an answer. I would ask him to choose at least two colleges and spend the next two weekends visiting.</p>
<p>If there is one college that sounds particularly good to you for him, it would be great if he could spend a night in a dorm with a student there.</p>
<p>“My concern has to do with whether living off campus would be bad for this currently non-social kid or if it would be best being in a dorm”</p>
<p>Yes, it would be bad for him. I’d expect any shy freshman I was funding to live in a dorm, just as I’d expect a certain GPA, etc. It’s part of the student’s commitment to take advantage of the education you’re providing.</p>
<p>He should attend at least one class at the schools, too. The fact that he doesn’t have major plans is not an issue: just pick a subject that interests him. And I completely agree that he should live in a dorm.</p>
<p>My gut reaction would be not to send him to the same school his brother attends. The last thing you want is for him to sit alone in the off-campus townhouse playing games, and it would probably be better for him not to be dependent on his brother in the first place.</p>
<p>How about AmeriCorps? He could take the year off to earn money and gain some life experience, and do something useful as well.</p>
<p>College right after high school isn’t for everyone, and if he really isn’t interested in being launched in that direction, maybe a completely different direction is called for.</p>
<p>In all honesty, my gut reaction would be to not send him off to school or at least to give him a choice between living at the school of his choice or living at home while volunteering full time or working and paying rent. My advice came from having been down the road of sending off to college a smart kid who had never liked school. </p>
<p>That kid – who was basically a loner in high school – blossomed into a party animal in college, and appreciated college only for his partying and other EC activities. He also flunked out and more than 5 years later, hasn’t returned to college.</p>
<p>As far as I’m concerned, if a kid isn’t that interested in college, I don’t see a reason to waste one’s money on sending them to one. Perhaps being out in the real world will give the kid a reason to want to go to college or at least will help them wake up to whatever vocation and productive activities would excite them.</p>
<p>Not to be an alarmist but game addicted kids have been discussed here on the Parents forum before. You might peruse those a tiny bit just to be aware of red flags to look for if they occur. Have expectations laid out early: minimum GPA or else no more funding and no open door back into the basement, etc.</p>
<p>I had an acquaintance who slogged 3.5 years through Yale College – only to be lost into gaming so much that it consumed him and he had to withdraw from several classes his last semester. He didn’t graduate with us and as far as I know, never did return to get his degree.</p>
<p>I insert herewith my standard comment that a gap year, especially an unplanned gap year, is a bad idea for 99.44% of people.</p>
<p>I’d suggest he look at some schools outside the area that are still accepting applications, especially a smaller one as the three big schools aren’t setting him on fire.</p>
<p>Or use this line: “you are moving out on Sept 1, either to a fine institution of higher learning, or to wherever you can afford on whatever minimum-wage job you can get.”</p>
<p>Living on campus there is basically a lot like living on campus anywhere else (except that there’s a fabulous, nearly new recreational sports complex across the street from the freshman dorms). There’s a certain degree of sports fanatacism at Maryland, but it’s not universal. The Greek scene is relatively small, but Greeks dominate the student government because nobody else is organized enough to do so.</p>
<p>Maryland has the advantage of having a lot of freshman/sophomore programs that tend to break the huge campus into smaller pieces for entering students – Honors, College Park Scholars, Civicus, etc. If your son has been invited into one of those, that’s a plus. Another advantage is the proximity of Washington, DC, which is easy to get to and popular among the students.</p>
<p>The main disadvantage of Maryland is the surrounding area. Except for the small neighborhood on Route 1 that houses all the businesses that serve the needs of students, it’s a borderline slum. Those who live off-campus tend to live very close to the campus (usually in a few very large complexes), but people can usually stay on campus for two or three years, if they want to. My son never felt particularly threatened in terms of personal safety (although I know of female students who have felt that way), but he certainly never left any of his possessions unattended, except of course for his bicycle – and he had bikes stolen three times.</p>
<p>While I understand the concern about gaming, perhaps that could be a way to feel connected to a school? </p>
<p>My S has written to several clubs at the schools he’s considering. He gets their email updates and reads the newsletters. Your S could look up gaming groups and check those out. Does he have any interest in designing games or other kinds of computer science? </p>
<p>As for living with his brother, I would have a heart to heart with my S already at the school first. Yes, for a lot of kids it would not work out but I know siblings who attended the same college and it was a very good experience for them. You know your kids best. </p>
<p>Yeah, except for the city of College Park, the town of University Park (some homes still under $500K!), the community of College Heights Estates (generally more expensive than University Park), University Hills, and the St. Andrews community (that was out of my price range when I was buying a home).</p>
<p>The communities immediately adjacent to the campus are all fine. The dumpiest area right around campus happens to be the stretch of Route 1 that houses all the businesses that serve the needs of the students. Get off that part of Route 1 and away from student housing (like the Knox boxes), and most of College Park is quite nice.</p>
<p>Sure, go down Route 1 five miles or so, and you’re going to hit some areas that are sketchy (Bladensburg, for example) or go down University Boulevard for the stretch between Riggs Road and Carroll Avenue, and you won’t be in the nicest spot, certainly, but unless a student needs to run to Tick Tock (a well-known liquor store in the area) in the middle of the night, these aren’t places college kids usually have a need or desire to go.</p>