<p>My 13-year-old son is applying to several independent schools. Interviews are coming up - the first one will be on Thursday - and he is balking at the idea of wearing anything other than his normal attire (shorts and a t-shirt, yes, still - he’ll switch to long pants once it snows). I’ve checked and determined that he should wear long khaki pants and a nice shirt. He has a drawer full of khaki pants from last year, but they all looked too small. I found shirt and pants possibilities on the Gap website and showed him last night, but he argued that he could wear a plain sweatshirt because it was formal! Today I went to the Gap and bought the shirt he’d indicated that he liked and some pants in two sizes (14 regular and slim). He tried the pants on but said that they didn’t fit (they do seem to be cut strangely, very short from waistband to crotch). I told him to put on the best pair of khaki pants he had and show me. He came down wearing a pair with a huge hole in one knee! I told him that he absolutely couldn’t wear them, and he argued that the people at the schools shouldn’t care how kids dressed. He has, so far, refused to go find another pair - he hates changing clothes. He is, truly, baffled about why anyone cares about what anyone else is wearing. He would wear anything as long as it was comfortable, and he resents spending time on clothes. All my arguments about interviews being more formal than daily life, and showing respect for the process, etc., are falling on deaf ears. He does wear a jacket and tie without protest for funerals, Bar Mitzvahs, etc. </p>
<p>Any suggestions? I am very frustrated at the amount of my time this is taking up. I’m leaning toward letting him wear what he wants, and if the consequence is that he doesn’t get in to the school of his choice, let him deal with it. Of course, he won’t know the reason.</p>
<p>Can I still put him up for adoption at age 13?</p>
<p>Well, even if he thinks the schools don’t care that is irrelevent…what is the dress code of the schools he is applying to? if there is one, he should follow it</p>
<p>Here is what Dad and Mom’s job is…you are to teach your child what is appropriate…would you let him wer shorts to a funeral…no…and he does see that in some circumstances, it is important to dress correcty</p>
<p>So, say, this is not an option, sometimes you have to dress to the occassion…you may get the person who doesn’t care, but you may get the person who does take into account how serious a student is about the school</p>
<p>And if his attitude is such that it doesn’t matter, well, that will carry into his demeanor at the interviews</p>
<p>My Ds have both done lots of interviews for various things, and appearance has mattered</p>
<p>Me, when I wanted a job at a “lowes” type store in HS, I wore a pink suit, ala Legally Blond. I got the job over other applicants who showed up in jeans, even though jeans were allowed on the job.</p>
<p>Since he is still of an age where the parent usually does the shopping (at least for boys), I think your job is two part:</p>
<ol>
<li> Ensure he owns appropriate interview attire that fits.</li>
<li> Tell him the rules for interview attire. Like CGM says, tell him it’s not an option. It’s exactly the same as funerals, bar mitzvahs - a sign of respect for the occasion. Our S had to wear khakis and collared shirt for jazz band; black pants and shirt and tie for concert performances. It’s the same.</li>
</ol>
<p>I’m sure you have certain rules, which he needs to follow whether he likes them or not or can come up with intelligent arguments against them or not. This, to me, is one of those. </p>
<p>I’m betting that if you provide the clothes, tell him the rule and not up for discussion and leave the philosphical argument alone (you can’t win that), that he will come out of his room dressed appropriately on the given morning.</p>
<p>I’ll bet he doesn’t want to take the chance that his outfit will diminish his chances if he really wants to attend the school.</p>
<p>If he does, once you’ve done your part, your only options are to have a scene on the morning of the interview; refuse to drive him; or let him go and learn a life lesson. I’d probably opt for the last if it came to that.</p>
<p>BTW, some kids are such “different drummers” that they can get away with this and shine through anyway. Not too many, though.</p>
<p>We live near a very elite boarding school. I can usually recognize the families visiting for interviews based on how the boys are dressed. They all seem to wear khaki pants, a button-down collar shirt (oxford cloth, perhaps blue/white stripe) a tie, and a navy blazer. Think Brooks Brothers look, though I’m sure it doesn’t have to be that expensive. I’ve always had good luck with Dockers for my sons.</p>
<p>After more badgering on my part, he finally gave in and found an intact pair of khaki pants - no stains on the knees, and they actually fit well (he seems to be between 12 and 14 at the moment and it is hard to find clothes). He said that he would wear either his white shirt (that goes with his jacket and tie) or the blue checked one I bought him at the Gap. </p>
<p>I was advised that a jacket and tie weren’t necessary for his first-choice school, but his first interview later this week is at a different school, so I have a call in to a neighbor whose kids go there to find out if he should wear his Bar Mitzvah outfit.</p>
<p>Thank you for the comments and advice, which added firmness to my voice, undoubtedly prompting the capitulation.</p>
<p>OK, we ate dinner a little later than usual tonight so I am late with the response of my two 14 year old sons who have had the experience of interviewing for admission to independent day schools. Over dinner I presented the scenario to them and these were some of the comments I got as to whether the OP’s son should wear shorts for the interview. “Just, no.” “Bad first impression.” “If you walk in wearing shorts it says ‘I’m doing an ordinary everyday thing.’” Another thing they said, translated into “momspeak” was “once you’re in, then be the iconoclast. Then you can wear shorts and flip flops. No one will care.”</p>
<p>If it is important to your son to switch schools, he has to trust you on this one. He’s right that the interviewer shouldn’t care how he’s dressed, but on some level the interviewer will take note. Something my sons have grown up doing is auditioning for piano competitions and All County brass competitions. They always wear a jacket, tie and slacks to the auditions. Never jeans. They are certainly in the minority doing this but they are now old enough to fully agree that this “dress code” conveys a seriousness of purpose. They are looking for any edge they can get by conveying that they take the audition seriously. Even they roll their eyes when they see how some kids are dressed. Good luck with your persuasion.</p>
<p>Go with the blue checked shirt with the khakis. Shirt tucked in, with a belt if he has one.</p>
<p>That will be his ensemble, momof3sons! Please thank your boys for me. I’ll pass their comments on to my son (although he seems to have accepted the need for neatness). </p>
<p>It never bothered me that my son was completely uninterested in appearance. But I recently told him that his skin was changing, and he was going to have to start paying some attention to it so that he didn’t develop acne. His response was total bafflement - he did not understand why he should care about what his face looks like.</p>
<p>My son wore a black polo shirt, cargo pants and his letterman jacket
He was admitted 5 for 5 including Andover, and several of the ISL schools in the east…his usual attire is sweats and a tshirt with a baseball cap</p>
<p>Just ask your son to spiff it up alittle, be himself—</p>
<p>-Polo shirt. Get one that fits nice. (A&F and RL are my polos of choice). Make sure it’s not baggy and if it’s an interview he should tuck it in to his…</p>
<p>-Khaki pants. You can’t go wrong with khakis. Well, you can if you have the cargo kind. They look tacky. Get regular khakis, pleating optional. My favorite khakis are Bill’s Khakis (tough to find) and Dockers.</p>
<p>-Shoes: Brown rockports should be your shoes of choice. Or a shoe that’s pretty close. As long as they aren’t sneakers you’re fine. Make sure he’s got khaki socks on as well.</p>
<p>-Hat: Lose the ballcap.</p>
<p>-Optional if it’s cold: a sweater. Wear it over the polo shirt–that collar underneath looks classy.</p>
<p>-Jacket: if you’re going to wear a coat that you’ll take off later make sure it looks nice. I have a down jacket from A&F (they don’t make them this year but I’m sure other companies have something similar) that is solid navy blue and looks really nice.</p>
<p>Belt: don’t forget one!!!</p>
<p>I wear polo/khakis almost every day (plus a sweater today). This has been the case for years now–I got into this style in 1993 when I was in first grade.</p>
<p>I guess much depends on where your kid is applying. I wanted my kids to dress for their interviews at independent schools but both tuned me out. S wore faded cargo shorts & faded t-shirt & sports shoes. Got into both elite schools (2 out of 2). Mom had wanted him to at least wear khakis or jeans & collared shirt, but he did fine (great STATS).
My D did dress (nice jeans & nice blouse) but her STATS were closer to the middle of their profile. She was waitlisted for one & denied for the other school. Fast forward 2 years where she wore a similar outfit & was admitted at one school & waitlisted for the other (stats rose in interim).
Bottom line, for my kids, I really don’t think their attire mattered. S was adamant that they accept him as he was or not at all. He conformed to the dress code (which required collared shirts everyday) once he was admitted.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the comments. The first interview is later today, and my S has agreed to wear his good pair of khaki pants and the blue (miniscule check) shirt I bought at the Gap. I haven’t mentioned the shoes yet, but I don’t think he’ll balk at that.</p>
<p>I feel your pain NYMom! It gets worse, too, my son was bad at 13 and is worse at 15. Look at it this way, though, the knakis and checked shirt can be a perfectly neat and presentable outfit, and if they won’t take him because he doesn’t wear the bar mitzvah suit for the interview, he probably isn’t going to be happy there.</p>
<p>My son has to wear a uniform to school, then of course, he has the list of occasions that demand neat attire, so the few times he can dress as he pleases - he dresses oddly to say the least. Age will help though - we noticed a few weeks ago that he was alternating wearing the same 2 polo shirts to church every Sunday, whne we asked why - the blue one doesn’t show through the acolyte robe and the striped one does, so I can control whether or not I fill in acolyting by which shirt I wear. That is a definite improvement in noticing what one wears!</p>
<p>I agree with most of the advice here, but I think it’s appropriate to add:</p>
<p>You have a 13-year-old boy (8th grader? 7th grader?) applying to schools that presumably are familiar with 13-year-old boys. Of course it’s preferable to follow conventions for interview attire, but if a school can’t see the future man in the cargo pants and tee, it wouldn’t be a school I would want my son attending. It’s far more important that he be comfortable and willing to engage with the interviewer (politely) than that he wear the right clothes.</p>
<p>You, on the other hand, need to make a good impression, too. Most private schools I know pay a fair amount of (surreptitious) attention to parents, because it’s parents who don’t fit in that will cause problems for teachers and administrators far more often than the kids.</p>
<p>JHS has this 100% (or 110% !) correct. The sizing up of the parents is extremely important…particularly for the development or cocktail set crowd. They want to know whether you will be a high roller, or whether you will click your teeth while drinking a martini. </p>
<p>Parents who are really weird, even if they happen to have a terrific kid, will often be the stumbling block in competitive private school admissions. Similarly, sometimes an unexpected, or even unsuitable, kid will be admitted, and it is more due to the parents being a swell match, than the kid.</p>
<p>I remember interviews for private school admissions- ech!</p>
<p>When D was applying to prep school, they wanted to interview parents and kids seperately. You learn a lot about the school from the admission director I think. One school in particular, had an extremely snobby AD, even friends who are both MDs recieved that impression- needless to say neither of our kids were accepted ( not that we cared- although we did know faculty that had encouraged her to apply)</p>
<p>The school that she ended up at, had a very warm and friendly AD, who made me feel very comfortable, and answered all my questions.</p>
<p>After the interview we sent notes to the schools, but especially to the friendly school. She was actually waitlisted there,( she also needed lots of aid to attend- and prep schools aren’t need blind) but we communicated that it was her first choice, & they admitted her with the aid she needed.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, he died ( very young) a year after that, but the next director they hired, is also very personable, so I was happy to see that it was a value that the AD be accessible and we saw those values of accesibility and friendliness reflected in the day to day life of the school</p>
<p>The two schools our kids applied to have different philosophies about parents. One of them ignored the parents while the other met with the parents and answered any questions & asked questions to clarify the interview they had held with the kid. I was must more impressed with the latter school because they were able to ask me to explain things that the interviewer didn’t understand (S was pretty reticent during interview because of some flak he was getting at his public middle school–teacher claimed to want participation but just used it to attack students–interviewer said that helped him understand S’s reticence; for D, they wanted assurance that if they accepted D she would attend).
My SIL brought work to do & when they interviewed her, she said she had no Qs & was ready to leave. Her Ss were admitted any way but Ds were denied at K & got in at later grades.</p>
<p>The school D attended for elementary- had applicants attend as a group( on a saturday) and the teachers observed them just like they were a class.</p>
<p>I don’t think they even had an admission director- I just remember speaking to the director of the school- </p>
<p>D really liked the school, but I was nervous, I didn’t know much about private schools & before I committed myself to that ( she got aid, but it was still a lot of money), I wanted more info, so I had them give my phone numbers of current parents to answer some questions.
It was only after she was attending that I realized how competitive admission was from hearing from friends whose kids had wanted to attend.
I am glad in retrospect that I had, had no idea!</p>
<p>Her prep school had a similar interview process- it was a pretty small ( day) school, and they had candidates attend as a class & go through the( not all the day about 4 hours I think) day- but they also split up the candidates and have them attend with current students some years.</p>
<p>That was such a process that no wonder that I thought by the time she applied to college- I would be totally hands off! ROFLAO!!! :D</p>
<p>I vividly remember my interview many, many eons ago. Asked what my favorite sport was, I said “swimming”. (The school had no pool at the time.) Asked if I wanted to attend, I said not really, that I’d been hoping to graduate from my junior high instead of leaving early and I wasn’t at all sure I liked the idea of a girls’ school. Amusingly the headmistress told my parents their experience was that kids who were happy at their current schools would probably also be happy at a new one, even if it wasn’t their choice and accepted me anyway. It turned out to be a great fit. I guess my parents knew better!</p>