Completely agree about parent over involvement (in HS too by the way). We’ve always taught our kids to learn how to deal with things. They don’t always get it, but they get better at it with more practice.
The move in thing really gets me. The colleges have parent programming that is very much overkill in my opinion. It’s somewhat ironic because they gather parents on campus and lecture them on letting their kids figure it out for themselves. They speak about the whole community (including parents) when it’s really just about your kid.
I know of parents who gain access to the kid’s college account and frequently check in on grades and events, etc. We typically handled all that with just asking the simple question, “How are classes going?” If grades weren’t where they needed to be, would follow up with “Anything you can do about that like talking to the prof, getting help. You’ll figure it out.”
At the end of the day, this is about them. Can’t stand the hovering. And I don’t think the kids like it either. S would have know part of that. D is a freshmen and already thinks she knows everything so trying to get involved wouldn’t go well for either of us. In her case the “figure it out” attitude has worked well already. She had two ER instances her first semester on campus. One injury, one illness. Out of state. not much we could do. She called and told us what was going on. Our health insurance was pretty lousy out of state and told her she needed to go to either an ER or Urgent care type center. She kept on hemming and hawing “too busy, blah blah blah.” We eventually said, “look you called us. you need medical care to get better, here’s where our coverage will pay, go take care of it.” Was good to have her text me later asking me all kinds of Dr info as they needed that to check her in. Guess she figured it out.