<p>A wise man once said, “Someone who influences the thoughts of the people around her influences all the times that follow. She has made an impression on eternity.” My great-grandmother Caramie “Meme” Roberson was one of those people, especially for me. When I was born, in 1993, Meme was 90 years old and already made an imprint on my life; after all, I was her namesake. Throughout the subsequent thirteen years, I was blessed to have spent a significant amount of time with her and learn many lessons from her. My great-grandmother, a farm girl from Haiti, with no formal education, taught me to understand the importance of education and the significance of family.
Meme was a woman of great courage and determination and refused to be limited by the circumstances of her life. Despite being a widow at the age of 40, Meme successfully raised her children, and later numerous grandchildren; my own mother included. As I later grew up under her wing, I realized that these burdens never fazed her. Meme always had an uplifting spirit that made people gravitate towards her no matter where she was. By her example, she was a vital influence as to how I lived my life.
Meme made sure my education came first. When I lived in Massachusetts, she considered me her “little helper”. Every day I would come home from school and rush through the front door only to hear her calling my name, as if she knew exactly when I got in. Although she needed my help, when my homework was in question, all her needs seemed to fade away. Since she didn’t have a formal education growing up, she stressed the significance of one. Not only did she encourage me to do my school work, Meme taught me what she knew: her language. We would sit for hours on end in her bedroom reciting the names of different objects in order for her to teach me. I had to make a commitment to learn the language because I wanted to communicate with Meme and she only knew two words of English, “hello” and “thanks”. It was a bit frustrating at times, but in the end I was able to successfully communicate with her. In addition to stressing the importance of my formal education, Meme helped me become a better-rounded student by adding Haitian Cr</p>
<p>It is a good first draft, but needs lots of work. If you are going to start with a quote, find out exactly who said it and cite them. Start out describing Meme, but use more colorful, descriptive language. If you can put in more of her Haitian culture that may be more interesting. After you describe her, the rest of the essay needs to be about you. What is there about you that wouldn’t be there if you didn’t know Meme? One last thing, it’s never a good idea to mention toilets in your essay, just saying.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to be a ‘person of influence’ to be influential. In fact the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they taught me,” (Scott Adams). My great-grandmother Caramie “Meme” Roberson was one of those people, especially for me. She seemed to just be telling a story about her life and the hardships she faced, while unknowingly teaching me lessons that would shape my life forever. When I was born, in 1993, Meme was 90 years old and every moment from then on in our relationship was precious because of the limited amount of time we had left. Throughout the subsequent thirteen years, I was blessed to have spent a significant amount of time with her and learn many lessons from her. My great-grandmother, a farm girl from Haiti, with no formal instruction, taught me to understand the importance of education and the significance of family.<br>
Meme was a woman of great courage and determination and refused to be limited by the circumstances of her life. Despite being a widow at the age of 40, Meme successfully raised her children, and later numerous grandchildren; my own mother included. As I later grew up under her wing, I realized that these burdens never fazed her. Meme always had an uplifting spirit that made people gravitate towards her no matter where she was. By her example, she was a vital influence as to how I lived my life.
Meme made sure my education came first. When I lived in Massachusetts, she considered me her “little helper”. Every day I would come home from school and rush through the front door only to hear her calling my name, as if she knew exactly when I got in. Although she needed my help, when my homework was in question, all her needs seemed to fade away. Since she didn’t have a formal education growing up, she stressed the significance of one. She would tell me stories about her past in Haiti, and how due to an insufficient education, she wasn’t able to take her late husband’s place as a Haitian Congressperson. Meme decided since she couldn’t help me with my homework, she would teach me what she knew: her language. We would sit for hours on end in her bedroom reciting the names of different objects in order for her to teach me. I had to make a commitment to learn the language because I wanted to communicate with Meme and she only knew two words of English, “hello” and “thanks”. At times it was pretty frustrating, but in the end I was able to successfully communicate with her without running to my other family members for translation help. In addition to stressing the importance of my formal education, Meme helped me become a better-rounded student by adding Haitian Cr</p>
<p>Still too much about Meme and not enough about you. How do you USE what she taught you? You’re also using too many unneccessary words. Try highlighting only the very most important words and deleting everything else, even if the sentences don’t make sense anymore. Then build back up.</p>
<p>Though I am still learning about the short essay process myself, thought I would interject about the benefit of reading other great literature and essays. I have found this invaluable. Doing this has given me a better sense of what holds a readers attention. Danceclass is right -try to find more of “you” in the piece. Look for metaphors of your own that you can use to tell more in less space. Avoid worn out metaphors/similes -i.e. “took me under her wing”. This one has “seen the test of time”. Don’t use that either. Its another.</p>