<ol>
<li> Start at 10:00 pm, by yourself.</li>
<li> Realize a base screw is missing. Hunt in recently scrambled basement for part until find bag of spares.</li>
<li> Start by inserting wrong part in the base. </li>
<li> When second part wont fit, remove wrong base part and try a different part.</li>
<li> Add second part. Realize the base part is still wrong.</li>
<li> Try to separate the two parts without success. Wrestle with them until tree falls over. Dog barks, guinea pig hides.</li>
<li> Realize dessert baking in oven has boiled over.</li>
<li> Notice that there are more pine needles on the floor than a real tree would shed after a week without water.</li>
<li> Turn back on tree, wait for help tomorrow. Drink eggnog.</li>
</ol>
<p>Instructions for setting up a freshly cut tree:</p>
<ol>
<li>Get a saw from the garage</li>
<li>Wander off into the darkness of the backyard</li>
<li>Realize that the task will not be accomplished without a flashlight</li>
<li>Go back to the garage</li>
<li>Step into the pile of dog poop that your excited pooch freshly deposited in your path</li>
<li>Go wash the boots, then get the flashlight and a plastic bag</li>
<li>Clean up the mess</li>
<li>Proceed towards the Douglas fir seedling that grew almost 8 feet tall this summer</li>
<li>Cut down the massive tree, drag it back towards the house making sure not to step into any unexpected “landmines”</li>
<li>Deposit the tree on the front porch, shake off anything that does not belong on a Christmas tree (dead bugs, dried leaves, etc.)</li>
<li>Open the front door wide enough for the tree to get in and for the cats to escape</li>
<li>Drop the tree, run outside to collect the cats</li>
<li>Go get the tree stand, install the tree</li>
</ol>
<p>Artificial tree sounds sooo much easier to me, especially with the eggnog :)</p>
<p>Well, I am glad I missed the dog deposit! But my tree is lying on the floor, two parts that don’t belong together stuck and NOT moving. I will wait for reinforcements to arrive tomrrow to try to separate them (and will try not to yell at them regardless of the outcome, as it will be D1 and D2!).</p>
<p>As a real tree person, I’m a little sick of struggling to get the thing into the house, righted in the base that tends to be excessively flimsey, with an offspring getting more impatient with each attempt at getting the thing straight. Again and again. I’m beginning to look with a little longing at those artificial trees. But maybe not. </p>
<p>The worst, before realizing I really am not invincible, is the year I cut a really massive tree, hauled it home with the kids, then realized the base was inadequate. While figuring out the base situation for a few days, I left the tree in a tub of water in the yard. It froze into place, and then getting the tub, plus tree into the house and waiting for a thaw was another exciting adventure. </p>
<p>Now I buy a tree based on trunk size. Aesthetics are secondary.</p>
<p>Fortified by the eggnog (and reminded by BB that I got the artificial tree partly because it is supposed to be LESS work than a real one), I find the strength of 10 Grinches plus 2, and pull the pieces apart. Sweep away all signs of the struggle, and the DDs will never even know it occurred. On to Christmas (and 20 inches of snow due in the next three days!).</p>
<ol>
<li> Get married Thanksgiving weekend.</li>
<li> Purchase a real tree, thereby beginning a new tradition, with stars in our eyes.</li>
<li> Enjoy the tree for a couple of short weeks.</li>
<li> Husband, in an attempt to impress and humor bride, runs the tree out the front door with an accompanying man howl.</li>
<li> Husband runs a little too enthusiastically, and with a little too much momentum.</li>
<li> Husband and tree break storm door on the way through the door.</li>
<li> Bride is not humored.</li>
</ol>
<p>GLM, the articifial ones go on sale after Christmas 
We got real trees for many years, but after divorcing I realized I didn’t want to deal with trying to get the real tree into the base and standing straight with just DD’s help (I don’t think it is a chore that can be done without some bad blood between participants, and I don’t like to yell at them…). The artificial one is fine when I read the directions and pay attention…</p>
<p>Momlove, fast forward 20 years. I bet the bride is humored now :)</p>
<p>Just to insert a little greenness into this discussion, I did see somewhere this season that you have to use your plastic/artificial Christmas tree TWENTY years to have a smaller carbon footprint tha annually purchasing a fresh-cut tree and recycling it (mulch, wildlife habitat etc).</p>
<p>Being allergic to pine has given me a good excuse to have an artificial tree. Carbon footprint be damned, December used to be an ugly, ugly month for me, but an excellent one for the Kleenex company, my pharmacist and doctor. </p>
<p>I happily enjoy my fake Christmas tree. Takes me about 5 minutes to put up my tree, too.</p>
<p>We had many happy fun years of the kids picking out real trees, some really big. Getting them in the stand and upright w/o divorce wars was always a challenge. So…last year we went artificial.</p>
<p>Getting it in the stand (it’s big too), everything in the right order, and “fluffed” is still a marital challenge. As mentioned above, there’s as many needles on the floor as before. The “pre-lit” wasn’t all pre-lit on year 2, requiring 3 calls to GE and a wait of THREE weeks for bulbs. I used to throw the real one out the door on Dec. 26, to the garden and torch it. Now it has to be carefully disassembled, (is at least 4 times bigger than the box it came in) and put away. At least H doesn’t remind me every 5 minutes to check the water on this one.</p>
<p>I really do love looking at them all lit. Thinking about one of those little ceramic ones…I can definitely see why older people stop doing the tree thing!</p>
<p>I’m still missing a base screw that I lost years ago. (You can interpret that sentence any way you like 
) I stuff a folded up piece of paper into the side of the base that is missing its screw just to keep the tree from leaning. I love my artificial tree, but DD is begging me to forego the tree and to use our potted palm instead. Wow, the ultimate teenage laziness. Actually, I think she’s worried (rightly so) that our DC (darling cat) is going to climb it and knock it over. I’m going to let DS decide when he gets home today. Just doesn’t seem right to have Santa deposit gifts around a somewhat bedraggled potted palm.</p>
<p>Well, after 25+ years, I finally “bit the bullet” and went with an artificial tree this year. Thought H (who is Jewish BTW) was going to fall over a few weeks ago when I said - “can we go to Sears so I can buy a tree?” - LOL. What prompted this was that the next day I was having knee surgery for a torn meniscus (best decision I ever made two weeks post surgery!!) and I just couldn’t think of him having to deal with the real tree by himself. No matter what - we end up fighting over getting the tree in the house, putting it in the stand, deciding if its straight, etc…) Not to mention, the mess it leaves once it comes down. D was OK with it, and it really does look quite nice. Bought one with those nice LED lights and once I figured out that I had to “fluff” out the branches, it is perfect. It was pretty easy putting together, we’ll see after Christmas how easy it will be to disassemble!</p>
<p>I probably will use my artificial tree for close to 20 years. Or gift it to someone else who will. Wonder if the carbon estimate takes into account the shipping of the cut tree to the tree lot or the emissions of driving 60 miles round trip (which we used to do when we cut our own). Or the blue streak released into the air when trying to get it straight in the base :)</p>
<p>I think my favorite thing about the artificial tree is that we can put it up even in years when we are going to be away for a week or two at the holiday, and we have no worries about watering it.</p>
<p>Legit questions on the carbon footprint. I don’t know. </p>
<p>Coming from a family that raised Christmas trees in the backyard – those trees paid my collegiate book bill and spending money more than one year – I would almost go without that not have a fresh cut tree.</p>
<p>When I was living on my own in Chicago post-college my parents even boxed up a tree and shipped it to me UPS!</p>
<p>D mentioned the other day that her college BF has never been out to cut his own tree. He grew up in the DC area, it just wasn’t an experience he ever had. We had a quiet moment, contemplating what a sad gap that is in his life. It also means that if D marries the BF, he will have no idea how to tie the tree on the car, trim it to fit the base, and wire it so it will stand up properly :)</p>
<p>Even though we use an artificial tree now, I would not trade the years when the kids were small and we spent a whole day driving to the tree farm, then roaming the snowy fields looking for just the right tree. I did it when I was a kid, too, and it is one of my strongest memories from childhood. One time with D1, a dogsledder came along at the Christmas tree farm and gave her a ride, which was very thrilling. She was only 3 or 4, and she still talks about it.</p>
<p>We have owned our artifical tree for about 13 years, it still looks great. Last year I wired the lights to the tree (a lot easier than it sounds), so this year we took it out of the box, got it in the stand, fluffed it and plugged it in. So much easier. Did the same thing at my Dad’s house. Much less hassle, less fire hazard, and no more sniffles/ear infections for DD–it took a couple of years for me to figure out why she was so congested each holiday season.</p>
<p>My allergist (years ago) had a big sign up in his office: NO REAL CHRISTMAS TREES FOR ANY OF MY PATIENTS. I am allergic to trees and cedar especially, but he explained that no one with allergies should have a real tree in the house. They have too much mold and pollen. I was always sick at Christmas as a child with real trees, before we knew I had allergies.</p>
<p>We used to have a huge real tree when I was first married 20 years ago (blended family). My H was very into cutting down the tree as a family and hauling the thing home. We got the hugest tree possible and it literally took up half the living room. He would make my D crawl under the tree to water it every day because she was the only one who could get in under the massive branches. Great for stepfamily dynamics.</p>
<p>Now we have an artificial tree that comes apart in sections and I love it.</p>
<p>We had a live Christmas tree for many years- got it the first year oldest was born, until it really needed to be put into the ground. ( we also lived in a rambler for a few years, with big French doors- made it easy to wheel it back and forth)</p>
<p>Unfortunately, at the time, we knew * nothing* about conifers, and H was acting like he knew what he was doing.
So the pressed cardboard pot that he left on the tree, that he thought was peat and would disintegrate?
He also planted it a little too close to the front walk and aesthetically, on the wrong side of the yard.
But we lucked out, cause it actually wasn’t a Pseudotsuga menziesii ( Douglas fir) like we thought, that would have been much, too much tree for our yard, but a Picea Omorika ( Serbian Spruce), which is much narrower than a Douglas Fir, slower growing and very attractive.
[Home</a> & garden | Explore fa-la-lots of Christmas tree options | NWsource](<a href=“http://www.nwsource.com/shopping/home/home-garden/explore-fa-la-lots-christmas-tree-options]Home”>http://www.nwsource.com/shopping/home/home-garden/explore-fa-la-lots-christmas-tree-options)</p>
<p>I don’t think my youngest has ever been to cut down a tree, we used to get a tree for a few years, although we weren’t home for Christmas, but it was from a lot.
I’m sure she will figure it out though if she wants one.
I love trees, but I get tired of the needles. ( but they make great mulch!)</p>
<p>This reminds me of the famous fruitcake recipe:</p>
<p>You’ll need the following:</p>
<pre><code>* a cup of water
- a cup of sugar
- four large brown eggs
- two cups of dried fruit
- a teaspoon of salt
- a cup of brown sugar
- a lemon
- walnuts
- a bottle of whiskey.
</code></pre>
<p>Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Put it down somewhere.
Check the whiskey again.
To be sure it’s the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in that large, fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay.
Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer! It’s splattered dough everywhere!
Beat two leggs and add to the fluffy bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the tuner.
If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity… Whew is it hot in here ?
Okay… Next, sift two cups of salt… or something.
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon … urp … juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table … spoon … of sugar or something … Who cares? Whatever the heck you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Check the whishkey again.
Throw up in the bowl and go to bed.</p>
<p>Pre-emptive strike!! This year, we decided to wait until the morning to cut down our tree, and I went out in the yard and cleared out the “landmines”. Hubby brought the tree into the house, put it up, and, according to DD, it is still standing (although there are some felines lurking in the branches). Now the next big step - gotta wrap the gifts and make dinner!</p>
<p>Merry Christmas, everyone!</p>