International Relocation

luckycharmed · August 12, 2008, 11:11am

I’m just posting to get some advice, I suppose. I’m a rising college junior, and I have two sisters, one who’s a college sophomore, and another who’s in the eighth grade.

My dad works for a large company where a lot of the business is being moved to an Asian country. So, the company is sending its people over here there in 2-4 year postings, to get acquainted with and immersed in the Asian team, which is doing a great deal of work for the company.

The idea of relocation was first proposed when I was a HS senior and my sister was a HS junior, but my dad told the company flat out no, since both of us would be dealing with college applications, etc (which I think was wise). Now it’s coming to the end of another 2-3 year posting, and they’re sending another group out there. And it hasn’t quite come to this, but it’s looking like it will - my dad’s boss is getting to the point where he’s plainly saying that you make this move or you leave the company.

Leaving the company isn’t really an option. Both my sister and I are in private colleges, and while we have savings, my dad can’t afford to be unemployed while he looks for a job with a comparable salary, nor can he afford to take a job with a significantly lower salary.

So my parents are expecting that this job posting may become a reality soon. If it is, obviously there are a plethora of things to consider - first and foremost, for how long? My dad is adamant that he wants this to effect my youngest sister as little as possible, so she and my mom would go out for one year - one school year, really. My dad would tack on six months on either side of that and stay by himself.

My younger sister has some learning issues - while we’ve had her evaluated and she doesn’t have any classic LD, there’s some sort of disconnect in her brain in memory processing. She’ll listen, understand something fine, and the next day on the test be completely unable to recall it. My parents put her in private school in the 6th grade, hoping that smaller classes and more attentive teachers might help, and they have, somewhat, but it’s still a struggle. Neither me or my other sister had learning issues like this, so my parents are flying blind here. My youngest sister is also very much into sports, and the move for her 9th grade school year I know would have a huge effect on sports in HS (though perhaps less so than at a big, competitive public school).

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has been through a similar situation and has any tips on how to deal with it, factors we’re forgetting, etc. We’ve moved around a lot, but it’s always been within the US, so this is uncharted territory. I’m also looking for tips on helping me to deal with it - it terrifies me, being so far from my parents (ironic, since I go to school cross country), and I worry about health care in this country, as well as logistical things - what happens to me at Christmas? - etc). Any tips for handling this?

Karen_Colleges · August 12, 2008, 12:07pm

We’ve lived in a couple of Asian countries, and had our kids enrolled in either International Schools or American Schools. The classes are small, and many International Schools have learning support for mild learning issues.

In my opinion, I would not move a kid for just one grade in high school. I would try to arrange to stay for all four years until she graduates to give the kid as much stability as possible.

You didn’t ask, but living overseas is a plus on college applications.

Most of the schools are small, so it is easier for an athletic kid to make the varsity or traveling sports team, than it is in some states like Texas or California. It is also easier to be the president of a club, or the star of a theater program when there are less than a thousand kids in the high school. (The largest International Schools that I know of in Asia have around one thousand kids, most are much smaller.)

At Christmas, some kids come home (to Asia), some families go meet the college kids in the states, or they all go on vacation some place else. Switzerland, Italy, Bali, the choices are endless. Many companies provide a plane ticket for the college student to come visit the family.

Bottom line, have your folks check out every bit of the website of the international school that most of the company’s families attend. Contact them for more information, the schools are happy to send info by mail and to answer questions about curriculum, learning support, extra curriculars, etc.

Also, your parents need to ask the human resources department at your Dad’s company for information on health issues in the country. They should have a lot of information about living abroad for expats.

There is a nice series of books called “Culture Shock- (Countries Name)”. Amazon carries them, and if the country you are thinking about going to is to small to have one, check out one for a country nearby, such at “Culture Shock- India” or “Culture Shock- Thailand”.

Sorry for running off at the mouth. I think everyone should live overseas at some time in their life. You get a great education in diversity, global awareness, and also some great shopping opportunities.

ReneeV · August 12, 2008, 1:39pm

luckycharmed,
My family moved overseas when my daughter was starting her 8th grade year, and our biggest regret is that we didn’t do it years ago when our older daughter was still at home so she could have had the experience, too. I work in a US military community in Europe, so I realize it was a very easy cultural adjustment, where it might be more of a challenge for your family. I hope your sister will have a good school fit, and I agree with Karen Colleges - it will likely be much better if it is more than one year. And Karen is right about opportunities in the small overseas schools - they still try to offer a well-rounded school experience. My D’s favorite school activity was MUN, and they always went to the MUN conference in The Hague…one year got to see part of Milosovic’s trial. I think your younger sister might have some amazing experiences in Asia. My D was not a super-competitive athlete, but she had the chance to participate and was even team captain in one sport. The level of competition is fairly low compared to the states, so if your sis plays at a high level, that might be a disappointment to her, but on the other hand, she would definitely get the chance to play, and it isn’t so bad that she can’t continue to develop her skills. One girl played basketball at our small school and was a standout, then the family moved to the states where she played in a large public school her senior year, and she plays now at USC.

My D is heading back for her sophomore year of college next week. She’s not what I would call a homebody anyway, but she was fine with only coming home for Christmas last year. She definitely likes being able to come to Europe for the summer, and she’s had some great travel opportunities visiting college friends who are in different European cities for internships or study, and we’ve also hosted some of them here.

If this move takes place, I hope you will be able to visit your family at Christmas. Usually companies that post employees abroad recognize that there is some sacrifice involved, and that is often demonstrated in benefits such as tuition for primary-secondary school, annual travel allowance, and transportation and assistance if needed in the case of serious medical issues.

Big changes can be scary, but they are also often very exciting.

overseas · August 12, 2008, 1:58pm

Lucky, health care can be just as good or better. Travel at Christmas to foreign parts is fun! It is all a wonderful adventure. I agree with Karen that the move should be for the whole of High school. I have seen students who are moved for just one year. Some cope better than others. Rene, my son is visiting me for one week, next week. He works every summer now. But he just couldn’t not come. “Here” was home for most of his life.

mathmom · August 12, 2008, 2:27pm

My parents were in the foreign service as were my husband’s parents. My parents sent me to a private school that had boarding because they were pretty sure they’d be moving overseas before I graduated. My brothers just ended up boarding all four years. Christmas always involved long flights (my parents were in Africa) in overstuffed airplanes, but the vacations themselves were great fun. I usually spent part of the summer with them as well, depending on what other plans I had. Spring break and Thanksgiving I spent with friends or family.

My husband’s family was in the US for his high school years, but spent one year overseas with his sister. She was at a private school and they basically arranged with the school to give her a one year leave of advance and she did distant learning through one of the distant learning schools. (I think it was Calvert.)

When we were younger we always went to American or International schools overseas. Good luck, and try to see this as an opportunity!

luckycharmed · August 12, 2008, 3:29pm

Thanks so much for all the responses!

While I agree that it might be better for her to stay for all 4 years of high school, that’s complicated by the fact that that would end up being longer than the maximum approved posting, and that we probably would not be able to keep our residence here, which is important to my parents. My parents have told my younger sister that if she ends up loving it there (she think it’s doubtful) they can stay for high school and make it work.

We have spent some time in this country, so we all have an approximation of the major lifestyle changes, and my sister has an idea of where she’ll be going (unfortunately, she didn’t enjoy spending time in that country, so her perception is colored). We’ve also had some bad experience with the health care in this country - a relative died because an ambulance couldn’t get through the traffic, etc - and with my parents getting older, that’s very scary for me.

Luckily, if she does spend only one year there, her private school is K-12, so she’d be reentering the same system with the same kids, and could probably pick back up again. My parents will be meeting with the high school principal to work out some sort of plan of credits so this move doesn’t effect her graduation time, etc.

The advice about schools and athletics is really helpful. While we have friends and relatives that go to international schools/American schools overseas, we’ve noticed (and this could certainly be incorrect) that most of those schools seem to be very rigorous and also very standardized/test based. With my sister’s learning issues, this may not be the best fit for her. We’ll be spending some time there trying to find the appropriate school for her.

Thanks so much for all the advice so far!

binx · August 12, 2008, 5:50pm

Luckycharmed, I’ll share some of our experience. We moved to Germany for 3 years, in a situation very similar to what you face. There are plenty of Europe/Asia differences, so I’ll speak generally.

Our kids were 1. Rising college junior (like you!) Already attending college far from home. 2. Rising HS senior (awkward timing!) and 3. Rising HS freshman.

The college junior was a non-issue. Mostly, we made sure he had places to land for holidays like Thanksgiving. He ended up doing a study-abroad in Germany while we were there (his was planned long before we knew we were going) which meant he was closer to us for part of his college years while we lived in Germany than he ever was while we lived in Georgia!

The high school senior – he’s our musician. We offered to let him go to a performing arts boarding school, but he really wanted to go to Germany. He did APEX courses online for the fall semester, (simultaneously working on college applications) then came back to the US for his last semester of HS, and lived with a relative. Returned to us in the summer. Only way we could figure out how to get him the foreign experience as well as the US diploma.

By the way, we were NOT military. There are tons of differences between those who have DOD connections and those who don’t. We did not have access to military posts (for things like grocery shopping, English speaking churches, libraries with English books…). We did not have access to any English speaking schools. We did not have folks helping us to find apartments, translate our leases, buy insurance, or do our banking. The nearest military schools were an hour away, had a waiting list, and cost $15,000 per year for non-military people (regardless of nationality.) The nearest International school was 3 hours away.

So we come to child #3. My H’s contract called for the company to either pay for her to go to a boarding school somewhere (which we really didn’t want) or for them to pay for an intensive language tutor. We chose the second. We found an excellent school that gave her a year’s worth of coasting while she learned the language. She was graded only in math that year - the only tests she was able to pass. Since courses are cumulative, she still had to learn the material or she would have no hope of keeping up. She came home every day, went to 2 hours of tutoring, then spent the rest of the evening translating her notes, and reading English textbooks, trying to learn the material.

She will be the first to tell you that year was excruciating, and there were lots of tears. But there were also lots of tears when it was time to go home. She had become fluent, and thoroughly integrated into the culture.

If you are being sent to a big city, your family will have a lot more options than we did – more schools, more Americans, more people who speak English.

Ironically, I suspect my S2, who lived in Germany at the time of his college applications, probably benefitted from the overseas application, even though he had only lived there a couple months at the time. My D, who returned to the US for her senior year, applied from the US, and I believe was heavily penalized for her experience. Schools didn’t understand that her grades were lower because of the language problem, and considered her an “average” student from the southeast - not someone bringing diversity to the school. Very frustrating, but I digress.

My biggest mistake when we were moving was accidental – I got advice from others who had lived overseas, but I hadn’t realized that everyone I talked to had been military or government associated. In each case, they were living in big cities, with other Americans around, and had access to military bases/posts. They had a support network, as well as sponsors who helped them get settled and navigate. Although they were physically in a foreign country, they brought an awful lot of the US with them. There forays out into the country were exotic mini-vacations.

My H had a great experience, working daily with his German coworkers, and still benefits from the interaction. My D had a wonderful opportunity to become fully immersed in language and culture, and considers her alma mater to be her German school. It was absolutely the loneliest time of my life, though. I did not have the social outlet. People were nice to me, but I was an oddity. The Germans in our small town did not speak enough English to get past basic pleasantries, and my German wasn’t much better. It was a daily challenge for me just to survive. Spending hours trying to buy coffee cream (it’s shelf-stable - whoda thunk?), bug spray (what’s German for mosquito? It’s not in the guidebook!) or lots of things that don’t even exist over there.

After we had been there a couple years, my H’s US boss came to visit. He mentioned that the next place they needed people to go to was China. Did we have any thoughts about that? I said, “I would hate to see H take that assignment.” Boss asked why. I said, “I’d miss him too much.”

Boss actually did live in China for awhile - met his wife there. After my comment, he admitted that I would probably miss H even if I went along. Because the Asian work days are much longer, and those on that assignment don’t have much outside life.

Boy, this is long. But my biggest concern would be to make sure your mom had support - Other Americans around to help, and to be friends with, and to trade books with.

For you personally, the whole thing could be kinda fun. A place to go to visit. Hopefully you have family nearby so you have help if needed, and a place to spend shorter holidays.

great_lakes_mom · August 12, 2008, 10:26pm

What a great post binx, and sums up much. I’m a big fan of overseas experiences. Nothing else enriches life in quite the same way, though there may be puzzling times and many details to work through.

Going through this together is also a wonderful family bonding experience.

Me? Would move to China in a moment. At one point I lived in HK with my dad, who was an expat for much of his life.

momtn · August 31, 2008, 9:19am

Our family has lived in Germany and China (and England too). Expat life has given my kids a great global world view. We spent 3 years back in the US in between our Europe and China assignments and I think that helped them as well - they have learned how to live anywhere in the world.

I do think that your sister’s school choice is going to be very important. My kids go to a very academic school and it can be a struggle to keep up. But in our big city there are several options for schools - though many have waiting lists. Every year there are a few kids that are here for just a year - most struggle a little in the beginning but end up not wanting to move back.

oldfort · August 31, 2008, 10:43am

My brother and his family lived in HKG for 15 years and just moved back to CA. My company also regularly move people oversea. I do agree international experience is a plus for most people, it is not the case for kids with learning disability. Many other countries are not as advanced as the US when it comes to coping with kids with disabilities.

A colleague of mine has a son with learning disability decided to go to London by himself and came back as much as he could for 2 years rather than relocating his family. It may be an option your family would like to consider. My brother still has business in HKG. He will be commuting between CA and HKG for a while.

International Relocation

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