<p>Would you have a problem if your child dated someone who was of another race? My husband and I had no issues with our daughter’s bf (well, none that were connected to his race-lol) but my friend just called me to say she is freaking out that her husband will discover that her daughter was dating an African American young man. She asked if I had any advice for her. Honestly, I was somewhat taken aback because I was surprised that her husband would be upset. Your thoughts?</p>
<p>No problem for me.</p>
<p>As long as she isn’t the kind of person who watches Grey’s Anatomy I’m good.</p>
<p>And he [the guy with the hypothetical “mulatto” grandchildren] will probably end up happily emailing pics of the little tykes to all his friends.</p>
<p>But that’s kind of putting the cart before the horse; I gather from the OP that it’s a little early to be planning baby showers.</p>
<p>Personally, I wouldn’t be all that concerned, as long as there was no other reason to think the young man unsuitable. There have been a few mixed marriages in my family the last fifteen years or so, and after the initial shock wore off (from both sides), even the older generation ended up pretty happy with how things turned out.</p>
<p>I’ve thought about this, having 2 D’s. I was raised in a very racist family, as was my husband. In general, we’re pretty open minded and I don’t think either of us would have a problem. If it became a serious relationship, I’d probably worry about any difficulties/social pressures they may face in the future, especially if they chose to live away from a large city. Both remaining grandmothers would COMPLETELY freak out, however… I think creative lying would be in order there, somehow.</p>
<p>WashDad, I guess my d is out of the running for dating your son!</p>
<p>Yes, conyat, they are just dating. Who knows if it will develop into something serious, but probably not since they have both just finished their freshman year.</p>
<p>I am a lil worried about the idea of married couples keeping secrets about the kids from each other. I can understand the desire to put off a confrontation, especially with kids who could break up tomorrow and no one need ever know. But if it does come out, and objecting parent finds out that the other parent knew and didn’t tell, that’s going to add extra tension to the situation.</p>
<p>I agree about not keeping secrets. I did tell her I thought she should discuss it with her husband.</p>
<p>A girl with whom I am slightly involved with recently had an “outside affair” with a black man. I wasn’t jealous until I learned of his race. I guess I am less cool with interracial dating on the inside as I am on the outside.</p>
<p>
hmmm, so, i think this is a great thread and all, but could we refrain from using the word “mulatto.” it is sorta derogatory. it was used to refer to biracial people during slavery and segregation. so, if you wanna talk about someone who is black and white, could you use biracial or even “mixed” is better?</p>
<p>As I have told my D since she was little, the ONLY thing I care about in a partner she chooses is whether that person makes her feel valued, honored and loved. I couldn’t care less if it’s a male, female, blue, purple or only speaks a foreign language. </p>
<p>And I mean it.</p>
<p>As a dad, all I want is whom ever dates my Daugther to respect her and treat her right. Black, white, red or yellow… they all bury the same in my backyard. ;)</p>
<p>LOL, nicely put, Opie!</p>
<p>Thoughts about interracial dating or what she should tell her husband?</p>
<p>Interracial dating shouldn’t really be a problem socially with the next generation in most parts of the country. There are some issues and some of that is concentrated geographically and some just in general. I know people who have gotten comments but it isn’t insurmountable and it’s usually from women, interestingly enough. Anywhere on the spectrum from the passing “you could do much better” (usually a white person obviously) to variations of the sentiment that white women are “taking” the good young black men from the black community. Either way white female/black male relationships garner a little more negative attention than black female/white male. (i’m just limiting my comments to the racial mix in the OP)</p>
<p>As for her husband, these things can be surprising in some ways from people you think are open-minded, but it is interesting that some people haven’t become comfortable enough to erase the proverbial line in the sand. He may be content to live and let live, but he may have old habits that die hard. It doesn’t make him a horrible person, but at the same time, he probably doesn’t have any close relationships with African Americans himself that have made him call his inherited prejudice into play. And therein lies the two ways I’ve seen this scenario play out: he will either, by coming in contact with this young man frequently, challenge his ideas and resolve the conflicts he initially had. Or, barring that, he’ll issue an ultimatum. </p>
<p>People set up walls that they grow pretty accustomed too. Sometimes they can tear them down and sometimes they can’t. The telling name of a class on race relations at a summer program I went to was “Just Don’t Bring One Home.” Oftentimes, that’s the last wall that has to be broken down now.</p>
<p>In this day and age that this is still even an issue for some people makes me feel sick</p>
<p>color or race? why should it matter? I personally couldn’t associate with anyone who had those kinds of issues</p>
<p>And I couldn’t imagine being married to anyone that worried more about a person’s skin shade then the charater of the person</p>
<p>And, Ya Face,your post was just awful, so what if a person has kids with parents who don’t match in skin tone, and to use those terms, for shame</p>
<p>What the mom should do, is look at the man she married and be glad her daughter isn’t a racist</p>
<p>My brother is married to a woman from a foreign (non-English/Spanish/French-speaking) country. My oldest sister’s last boyfriends have all been from South America or Cuba. Another sister’s most recent boyfriend was a black man in Africa. In fact, I’m the most recent kid in my family to date someone born in the US–the last girl I dated was a typical white Irish-background, American girl. </p>
<p>(It’s a bit ironic that my relationship was the one I had to try, more or less, to keep secret from my family. Ah well.)</p>
<p>I came down stairs one evening and my youngest D had a bunch of friends over- it was wonderful- a shades and “colors” </p>
<p>to even be concerned about her friends race, sexual orientation, religion would seem to alien to me</p>
<p>my Ds, both of them, are much more concerned about political beliefs and how their friends treat others than their hue</p>
<p>for my H, Opie was pretty much in his mindset, he just doesn’t want them taking them out on motorcycles</p>
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<p>I don’t see how you possibly don’t. Granted, most people aren’t out and out racist in 2007. But race still exists, and the vast majority of people are aware of it. The bias test project that someone undertook (you can still take it online) showed that most people who grew up in segregation have an implicit bias against African American people. Some people conciously try to overcome this. But for people who don’t, even if they aren’t obvious about it, there’s going to be something going on. This was all less than a lifetime ago. History, unfortunately, doesn’t change that fast. I took the bias test with a group of young people. I showed no preference, which really just reflects the community I grew up in and not even really my character or anything. Some people were really upset they did implicitly show a preference for white people because they have tried to overcome their upbringing, etc, some parts of this state it’s still kind of hard to get a lot of diversity. But it doesn’t mean they are bad people or racist, it’s meant to be an awareness exercise that unless from a very very young age people are exposed to other races just casually and often, the subconcious part of your brain can hold a preference. That just means we all have to conciously overcome this. </p>
<p>It’s hard to accept that people can be losers about stuff like this. There’s an image of racism as a klan rally but that isn’t 21st century racism. And I don’t necessarily think pushing people away does anything but encourage their resentment. It’s hard to see where people are coming from, but maybe we need to do it. There’s really, at this point, not many other options.</p>
<p>Wait. It’s personal preference to not want to date a certain race, but it’s inherently wrong to want to date a single race? Wouldn’t that just be a stronger personal preference? Not saying I believe this either way, but I don’t get the logic here.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t associate with racists if I could help it, I can’t know everyone’s thoughts unless they verbalized them, but once they did, that would be enough</p>
<p>I was at a dinner, and someone made a joke about gays, I didn’t laugh, and said it wasn’t funny, so yeah, I wouldn’t hang with someone who was racists or sexist, or prejudiced, and that guy who told the joke, I avoid him</p>
<p>ANd there is a difference between what a person finds attractive- fat, skinny, tall, short, buff, and outright rejecting someone who is of a different race, ie the girls father, without even meeting the young man</p>
<p>and yaface, just the fact you even brought up the issue of biracial children as somehow wrong…that still is in the air</p>
<p>We are all of one race. Human.</p>