<p>Maybe the guy has proven himself untrustworthy and his wife is along for that reason. However, I would find it odd if she sat with them at a coffee shop or wherever (unless maybe it was so packed there was not choice, but still…). I suppose a bold interviewee could say, “Not at all, and I will bring my mother as well so we can be a foursome”. Uh… pretty sure no student will do that, but wish someone would have the nerve to if he has his wife sitting in on the actual interview.</p>
<p>“Maybe the guy has proven himself untrustworthy and his wife is along for that reason.”</p>
<p>lol…I thought of that as well. I just don’t understand the need to mention, unless the wife is going to be at the table. </p>
<p>As for the upthread mention of opposite sex married co-workers going to lunch as twosomes, I can understand why some spouses would frown upon that if the outings were regular and frequent. Not only does that sort of thing become a breeding ground for affairs, but it also is a breeding ground for one of the people to “get the wrong idea” or to “develop feelings”. My married neighbor used to have lunch alone with one of her married male co-workers on a near-regular basis. She then was shocked when he confessed that he had fallen in love with her. Made for very awkward situations from then on. </p>
<p>For me personally, it would only be uncomfortable if the wife should interject.</p>
<p>D1’s good friend had an awkward encounter. She was interviewed by H for her ED school. She was deferred, then interviewed by W for one of RD schools. </p>
<p>What the definition of “come along” is makes the difference. If she’s sitting right there at the table and gets to hear each word, I think this interviewer needs to be reported. If she’s just there at another table at Starbucks reading her book or whatever, then fine. But odd, that he should even bring that up. Not necessary ,if the wife is literally just there for the ride. Where is the interview happening? We had one interviewer come to our house, and in that sort of scenario, I can see where the interviewer would say this, but when meeting at a neutral locale, and she’s not right next to the interviewer, it isn’t even necessary to say, unless it is to reassure a student that s/he isn’t meeting someone alone. I can see how that comment is relevant in a case where one is asking a student to meet somewhere obscure, by the way, where a parent might hesitate to drop the kid off alone to meet a lone adult. </p>
<p>I recall interviewing at a male alum’s house, back in the day, and his wife was present. I don’t remember if she was there for the whole thing, but I really do not see it as a big deal in either case. This isn’t a job interview: it is mostly informational. I can imagine all kinds of reasons that his wife comes along, and none of them are nefarious.</p>
<p>I don’t think that being in a public place would protect a man from accusations of inappropriate behavior/speech. At all. A witness, on the other hand…</p>
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<p>IMO, this brings up possible issues of confidentiality and undue influencing of the interview from a spouse who isn’t affiliated with the college concerned. I’m not sure most would feel it’s ok if in an employment interview situation that it’d be ok for the interviewer to have his/her spouse present. Hey, many find it rightfully bizarre for a late teen/young adult to be bringing his/her parent(s) to a job interview. </p>
<p>It’s one thing if this was taking place in a private home as other commenters have pointed out. However, if this is taking place in a public venue such as a restaurant or a pre-arranged space like a Quaker seminary my LAC arranged in one area, I’d find it a bit offputting and unprofessional. Especially if said spouse has no affiliations with the college in question. </p>
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<p>True on the former. </p>
<p>However, the latter does sound strange to me as that lackadaisical “not my responsibility/job” attitude isn’t something I’d expect from a representative of a college trying to put their best foot forward…especially considering the possibility legal minors may be the ones interviewed. </p>
<p>I’d also be curious as to whether that assertion would hold up to legal scrutiny in court should something go awry with the interviewer and moreso, the spouse with no affiliations with the college concerned. </p>
<p>I’ve had my kid go to some interviews that were off-site from the school that were conducted in the college club, the interviewer’s banking institution, and in a swanky hotel lounge. Some interviews are all serious and formal, and others are, as Consolation said, primarily informational. I’ve noticed some of the smaller schools, well known for their close-knit feel, tend to go towards informality so as to make the student comfortable. I can imagine in this case it would be like your adult son or daughter meeting the interviewer and a friend of his family, and this may be the feel the interviewer is going after. The interviewer’s wife, as a maternal figure, may be calming to someone who is quite wound up over the “requirements” of an interview, and perhaps break the stress of an interview that may otherwise feel like a head-to-head match up; substitute that for a “sit with us and have a pleasant discussion about your future interests” situation. So I don’t see anything much of a big deal with the arrangement as described.</p>
<p>And I just wanted to add that some interviewers may want to see the parents and talk with the prospie and the parents together. A good interviewer, and I’ve met a couple, will actually integrate right into your family dynamic and see how everyone gets along – it becomes sort of a family interview. This can be unnerving when you realize it has occurred – as it is occurring – but for our family, at least, it turned out very well in the end.</p>
<p>Completely agree. Not a problem and probably a good idea for a male interviewer meeting a female student. </p>
<p>My daughter’s interviews have been pretty casual, and I don’t think these interviews count for much, if anything. It’s not like a job interview. I really don’t see this as a big deal, even if the wife does participate in the interview. Perhaps the wife is a good judge of character and the interviewer values a second opinion. Perhaps she has an area of expertise very different from her husband, and is better able to converse with students who have a special interest in that area. Or perhaps she’s a friendly person who is good at putting people at ease, and the interviewer feels that is the best way to get to know the applicant and help the session go well for everyone. Is everyone who works in the admissions office an alum?</p>
<p>I have interviewed as an alum. My college requires interviewers to adhere to strict confidentiality. I see no way to reconcile that confidentiality with including a spouse in the interview. If the interviewer feels that need for a chaperone/witness for an interview in a public place, he should not interview. </p>
<p>If the wife provides transportation, sits at a different table, and cannot overhear the interview, that’s entirely different. If the wife is an alum of the same college, I suppose she could volunteer to interview applicants as well, but that would be unusual.</p>
<p>In the applicant’s place, I would notify the college’s admissions office. </p>
<p>“I’d also be curious as to whether that assertion would hold up to legal scrutiny in court should something go awry with the interviewer and moreso, the spouse with no affiliations with the college concerned.”</p>
<p>What on earth are you talking about? Are you suggesting a college would be held legally responsible for bad behavior of an alum on his/her own time? Or the spouse of said alum?</p>
<p>Look, even let’s assume the worst - the spouse interjects, is inappropriate, etc. What can the school do other than say oops, sorry? </p>
<p>So let me get this straight- an adult male is reassuring an underage female that even if she might feel uncomfortable meeting a strange man, he will have his wife accompany him so as to mitigate the discomfort… and now you’re finding THAT uncomfortable???</p>
<p>If the man is a school teacher, coach, volunteer reading tutor, or even tennis team bus chaperone, he has probably been subject to seminars, videos, and a host of meetings cautioning him how he must never be alone with a child. So in order to make his interviewees more comfortable, he brings his wife.</p>
<p>Or- he’s taking medication which means he may need help going to a restroom or carrying a hot drink from the Starbucks counter.</p>
<p>But sure, call the college and complain.</p>
<p>Yep. If they’re meeting in a public place, I find it ridiculous to adhere to 18th century standards. The college applicant is not a child. Our generation of parents is overprotective of their children. If the college applicant is uncomfortable meeting a stranger in public, she shouldn’t leave home for college.</p>
<p>Many students are driven by parents to interviews. If the student is uncomfortable at the idea of speaking with a strange male, the parent can buy a coffee and sit at another table, out of earshot. I do wonder how such a student will deal with a male academic advisor. </p>
<p>However, it sounds as if this behavior stems from the interviewer. Perhaps his wife is wildly jealous, or curious. In that case, he should refuse to interview. </p>
<p>The only case in which it might be acceptable, is if they live out in a very rural area, and the next public place which would provide an opportunity for an interview is too far away from the student’s home. If the interviewer’s home is much closer than the public venues, telling the student, “my wife will be present in the home during the interview” may assuage worries. Our admissions office warns interviewers away from inviting students to private homes, though. </p>
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<p>In those situations, however, the teacher, coach, etc have other colleagues/volunteers who are also part of the organization to ensure the man or woman is never alone. That’s very different from having a spouse with no affiliation with the institution the alum interviewer is volunteering on behalf of. </p>
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<p>At the very least, if the applicant being interviewed may want to check with adcoms to see if this IS allowed under college policy. If the applicant feels uncomfortable with this arrangement, she could also check to see whether she could have the interview with another alum interviewer. </p>
<p>Well, since he mentioned it I suppose you could argue that he was checking to see if it would be okay. What in the world is the problem people have with wife, anyway? Again, baffled.</p>
<p>Just a joke here: Maybe the wife would be eager to scout how competitive the pool of applicants are. The reason may be that her child may apply to college in the next year or two.</p>
<p>In a “get-together” party organized by an alumnus for EA kids who had been admitted, many alumni from that college were there. (They, about 7 or 8 of them at least, used this event to get together with each other as friends.) We found out very soon that many of the alumni have kids who are almost the age to apply to college. It seems that the closer the kid of an alumnus is about to apply to the college, the more motivated the alumnus is into this! (One alumnus’s kid went to the same college DS attended and their parents were “working very hard” on behalf of their kid! For example, he could be the main person the admission staff would contact (if he needs help) when the admission staff came to our city for a recruiting event. We noticed that they seem to know each other in another information session organized by the admission staff. In the back of my mind, I wonder whether my own child - he’s now an alumnus, will someday behave like this on behalf of his college application kid!)</p>
<p>It is not that the lagacy kid is not competitive or anything close to that. It is just the parents are naturally very eager to “help” as much as they can even when their kid really could get in by his/her own credential.</p>
<p>I just raise a possibility here, not that I am sure about this.</p>
<p>I believe the interviewer is protecting himself from false accusations. He’s not doing this to protect the student from him. There may be girls out there who would accuse an interviewer of inappropriate actions. That is precisely why he informs the student that his wife is present. He would have no reason to mention his wife’s presence if she were on the other side of Starbucks having a latte! I like it.</p>
<p>I think the context in which this was said, and the situation as it develops is what makes this an issue or not. If the wife is sitting away from the student and interviewer, in say a coffee shop or bookstore, library, etc, no big deal. Perhaps, there were some issues earlier when a parent was worried about dropping a student off somewhere to meet with a strange adult, so the interviewer just added as a reassurance, “m wife always comes along”. In such case, not harm done. But if wifey is sitting right at the table within earshot of the entire thing or watching the interview, that is a ground for a complaint. </p>
<p>Regarding “protecting himself”, my wife specifically told DS that he had better take special care when dealing with his female friends in college. She said to him that if there is some “dispute” of any kind, it is often the boy, not the girl, will be more vulnerable. Even in today’s society, she thinks what “she” says about what was happening could still carry more weight than what “he” says. (e.g., Duke’s case not many years ago - but that case also has something to do with the race issue. Boy…a top college with relatively few minority students in a city where there are large representations of the local minorities, this kind of thing is bound to happen in one context or another.)</p>
<p>So, assuming there’s a normal discussion going on during the interview, what kind of content that could be exchanged would be something that would need to be kept confidential by the prospective student? Just wondering.</p>