<p>So my thought process as a high school student is that I wouldn’t be bothered by an interview bringing his wife and me not knowing about it, but I’d think he was pretty tactless for telling me about it. It would make me feel like he had pre-judged me to be the kind of person who would make false accusations, if that makes any sense. I understand that I’m a stranger to him and I shouldn’t take it personally, but I would never tell anyone I was taking precautions against them in case they turned out to be a creep. </p>
<p>“The college applicant is not a child.” Not sure what state you are in but my college applicant daughter is still legally a child. And so are many of her friends. </p>
<p>I really think people are overreacting this whole thing. There are a lot of possible, and perfectly good reasons which have been mentioned for this. If it were my daughter, my reaction would be “Oh, OK, whatever suits you”. I wouldn’t have thought much about it and it would never have occurred to me to report or complain about this. People need to lighten up.</p>
<p>If they’re in a public place, it looks to me like the only reasonable explanation is that he’s covering his butt in case the interviewee makes allegations of improper conduct on his part. The “he might have a medical condition.” “maybe he can’t drive there due to whaterver,” and especially “he might be from a culture where he can’t meet with a young woman not his relative” etc. are all red herrings. If the first 2 are true, then wifey doesn’t need to be next to him, just simply nearby but not in earshot. If it’s against his culture, then he ought to find another hobby besides interviewing applicants, because it isn’t fair to the interviewee to have her confidentiality violated just because of his hangups (it’s a short hop from “I can’t talk to a young female by myself” to “Please put on this culturally correct garment, I can’t talk to a young woman whose [body part] I can see”).</p>
<p>Even if it IS to protect himself from allegations of improper conduct, I think it’s ridiculous to have the wife involved. It’s not like it’s his job…interviewing is a completely voluntary activity and if he can’t do it without an outsider (the wife) involved, he shouldn’t do it.</p>
<p>You’re right. People with epilepsy or MS or Parkinson’s or ALS should stop volunteering for their colleges and communities since apparently the typical 17 year old is too sensitive to have a spouse nearby in case the interviewer needs help getting to the car or carrying a cup of coffee from the counter to his seat.</p>
<p>I have a family member with an “invisible” disability and I shudder to think of how judgmental people must be when this person needs to have someone close by. Sometimes all is good- and no assistance is required, person looks totally healthy. Other times- not so much, and yet the person still needs to get to work, manages stairways and doorways even in buildings which are allegedly barrier free.</p>
<p>You are all very lucky that your family members can manage day-to-day interactions with no assistance. I can’t imagine that anyone would take offense at someone bringing a spouse who presumably will NOT be interviewing, but could be close by in case. Would you have taken less offense if he’d have said, “I’ll have my guide dog with me?” if he’d said, “I have a personal assistant, she’ll be accompanying me?” You’re all hung up on the fact that it’s a spouse???</p>
<p>UPDATING ALL:</p>
<p>Wifey came. Wifey grilled my student on her college list. ( ! ) My student was not happy, nor am I. Initially, the student was fine with the prior announcement of the female presence, but later said it was quite distracting to have someone there completely irrelevant to the college but part of the process and intruding into it. Plus, my student had only 30 minutes to make her impression. </p>
<p>I don’t care about driving issues or medical issues. If wifey had shut her mouth, that would be another thing. She didn’t. </p>
<p>Yes, I get it guys about no guarantee and Ivy status and lack of guarantee and all. I just find it ironic, that’s all.</p>
<p>If the wife is indeed in on the conversation, another unfair aspect of it is that the interviewer will almost certainly get her input before he writes a report to the college. The wife, not being an alumna, is in no position to be rendering any evaluation of the interviewee’s fitness for the college. And if you claim the wife won’t put in her 2 cents, or that the guy won’t allow that to color his impressions, I think you’re nuts.</p>
<p>If this wife interfered with the interview, you CAN bring that to the attention of the college…personally I would wait until after admissions decisions are out.</p>
<p>At many colleges,the alumni interview has absolutely NO impact on admissions. It’s just a nice way for alums to connect with prospective students and share things, and answer questions. </p>
<p>I dunno, halcyon – I think it depends on the tone of the interviewer. If the interviewer treats the interview process like – not a job inteview – but more like a get together to sense out the personality of the candidate, it would be no different than the situation of going out to the movies and one of your friends says “Oh I’m bringing so and so along, too”. Not as any kind of implication that there’s something substandard or defensive going on, but just as a social indication that it’s gonna be kinda like a party. Ya know? I guess there’s a bunch of ways to look at this thing, but I’m thinking from the interviewer’s point of view, he’s going to have to scope out the personalities of the candidates since he’s not really looking for grade point averages – he’s going to see how a certain candidate does in regular social situations, among other things.</p>
<p>“f the wife is indeed in on the conversation, another unfair aspect of it is that the interviewer will almost certainly get her input before he writes a report to the college. The wife, not being an alumna, is in no position to be rendering any evaluation of the interviewee’s fitness for the college. And if you claim the wife won’t put in her 2 cents, or that the guy won’t allow that to color his impressions, I think you’re nuts.”</p>
<p>I completely agree. It’s also what I told my student. (Boy, it’s a drag to have no Quote feature now.)</p>
<p>Epiphany…how much weight does this school GIVE the alum interviews? Most schools do NOT give them much weight at all. The schools that DO use interviews as a criteria in acceptance use adcoms for the interviews.</p>
<p>If this is something that the school only puts a check for “interest” down, I would stop fretting. Most alum interviews do NOT make or break an application…even at the Ivies. Maybe especially at the Ivies!</p>
<p>Regarding PolarBearVsShark’s Reply:</p>
<p>Just saying that the way I was raised was that, whether in a personal or in a professional situation, an understanding that is then changed to include someone else should, out of courtesy, be cleared by the primary parties to the meeting. (“I hope you don’t mind if I bring X.”)</p>
<p>It’s inconsiderate, i.m.o., to have assumed it was OK, rather than to have asked permission.</p>
<p>Pardon my old-fashionedness. An college interview is NOT “a party,” no matter how casual or how immaterial any adult assumes it is in the overall scheme of things. To the student it’s important. That’s the point.</p>
<p>I definitely think the wife will put in her two cents. I’m just not sure why we have to assume that her two cents will be negative. Be nice to wifey would be my best advice to my kid. </p>
<p>Thumper said:
"Epiphany…how much weight does this school GIVE the alum interviews? Most schools do NOT give them much weight at all. The schools that DO use interviews as a criteria in acceptance use adcoms for the interviews.</p>
<p>If this is something that the school only puts a check for “interest” down, I would stop fretting. Most alum interviews do NOT make or break an application…even at the Ivies. Maybe especially at the Ivies!"</p>
<p>Again, that’s all irrelevant, Thumper. It’s insensitive on the part of an adult to assume that a 17-year-old is just as blase and jaded as an adult is, for heaven’s sake.</p>
<h1>2, you and I don’t know “how much weight” any interview is for any college or situation. Period. Urban legends aside.</h1>
<h1>3, Many interviewers (he included) make/made a big deal about their “recommendation.” Whether he’s lying or telling the truth, whether or not he believes his rec carries any weight, or whether you or I believe that is beside the point, it seems to me.</h1>
<p>Again, apparently I wasn’t born during the right era. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>What would you change about your high school?
I see you’re involved in GLAAD. Why did you choose that activity?
Oh, you’re involved in the Young Republicans. Why did you choose that activity?
You led a protest against (local issue). Why?</p>
<p>Now think if the discussion would be changed by discussing it with one person, or discussing it with two. It’s confidential because it’s really not the wife’s business. It’s between the college (represented by the interviewer), and the applicant. Including another person in the discussion may inhibit many students from speaking their minds in the interview. Imagine if the student dissed her favorite book, such as The Notebook.</p>
<p>Epiphany, I think the answer as to the question “Why?” is, the wife is the dominant personality in the marriage. I would pass on word, politely, to the college in question that the interviewer interviewed the student á deux with his wife. It’s not standard, it’s an imposition on the student, and I’d bet other interviewees were too intimidated by the interviewer’s status to speak up.</p>
<p>I don’t know why, but this situation doesn’t bother me that much. Maybe the wife is more outgoing and better at doing followup questions. Maybe the husband feels like the interviews end up being more substantive. I’ve often wished I had dh along at doctor’s visits, when I get peppered with “Did you ask this? Did you ask that?”</p>
<p>My husband does interviews (as a prof at a med school) and often comes home and chats about that day’s interview. He doesn’t name names. I don’t think my opinion’s have a big influence, but I don’t think I’m completely ignored. (I did tell him once he was not allowed to decide a woman who’d put off going back to school until she had an empty nest, was too old to be a grad student.) Anyway, I don’t care that much that the only interviewer is an alum.</p>
<p>I can very much understand your point of view, epi. I can only say that the interviewer may have had a different impression of the interview function. Also, the interviewer controls the context – sssooo, in someways, it’s love it or leave it. I have a different perspective of this because one of my kid’s interviews actually did sort of turn into a party – I met the interviewer and my wife who usually doesn’t like a lot of people actually really liked the interviewer and at the end we really got along and had a good feeling about the college where my kid will be attending this fall. So it was sort of a counter-interview, or even a meta-interview, consistent with the flavor of the school. Can’t say if that was the feeling your kid had or that you had, but there is more than one kind of interview for college these days, as I have learned from direct experience.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, this is not “my kid.” She is my student. It was an unprofessional way to handle the interview, and to communicate assumptions without input from the student. </p>
<p>Calm down Blossom, nobody’s saying they can’t be involved. But one person’s physical challenges don’t trump another person’s privacy and confidentiality. How’d you like your doctor to say “I can’t see as well as I used to, so I’m going to have my brother-in-law, who’s a retired accountant, look on while I examine you and make sure I don’t miss anything”? It’s simply none of the wife’s business what goes on in that conversation. NONE.</p>
<p>Well, maybe that school is just not a good fit for this student.</p>
<p>^^^I wouldn’t blame the school. The admissions office likely has no idea. The interviewer may not have thought to ask. He might also be an older interviewer, who’s interviewed students for so long he doesn’t read the newsletters and guidelines for interviewers sent from the AOs.</p>