<p>I am guessing that because he is a male, he wants a female along to prevent any accusations of anything at all, or any questions toward anything that might be less than honorable. It is not a big deal. Just smile and be nice and enjoy the more family type feeling interview.</p>
<p>If this was my kid then she would also be taken aback at the wife inserting self into the interview (again I don’t get what’s not ODD about that). Also if this is a typical high school teen they would feel uncomfortable declining the interview because what if you didn’t get in (because you declined the interview?) This would totally throw MY daughter for a loop. So either the interview is really important or its not that big a deal, it can’t be both ways, if it’s that much of a big honking deal then have the interview in a room at the school, if it’s not then a coffee shop is fine. Again, this really strikes me as not that different than a job interview except for the public meeting place. The wife didn’t need to be there. Lot of defending of the interviewer on this thread. Strange. </p>
<p>Out of two years of meeting tutors at coffee shops we have yet to run into one classmate of my daughter’s so it would work fine for our community. I also have yet to recall what was going on at someone else’s table at a busy coffee house…</p>
<p>IMO, that format is not right. If a HS student is or should be old enough to handle an interview by themselves, then the interviewer should be also ready to do it too. Again just my opinion. No need to bring their spouses with them</p>
<p>Yeah I get that the male interviewer may have not wanted to be alone with a teen female (I get that). I wouldn’t want that either for my D - I would be sitting anonymously in the corner somewhere (we’ve discussed this). But the wife shouldn’t ask any questions - should be sitting anonymously in a corner drinking a latte. The same should occur if the interviewer was a woman and the husband was just along for the ride or for whatever reason that the spouse was along. </p>
<p>I have actually conducted interviews at Starbucks and had another customer inject themselves into to conversation. This was not a big deal. There was a question about where a particular small city was located in proximity to where we were. Somebody knew, and told us. Again, we said thanks. No big deal. However, anyone who is planning to spill any secrets in Starbucks should probably rethink that plan. </p>
<p>These are not job interviews. They are being conducted by volunteers and many schools don’t even have enough volunteers to offer interviews to all students who many want them. I cannot see what the big deal is here, nor why a student would be so upset if another person were present. Maybe the wife has been very active in alumni affairs over the years for this school, attending reunions (yes, spouses are invited!), organizing fundraisers. She may have kids at the school. And why does everyone keep assuming that somehow it’s bad for the student? Different does not equal bad. A student could as well be put at ease not being alone with a strange man, having her there. The student is lucky to get an interview at all.</p>
<p>OK so if there needs to be confidentiality and this is not a very informal chat then the interview needs to be somewhere not in public and arrange that beforehand. </p>
<p>If the student is ‘lucky’ to get an interview at all then the interview isn’t necessary or mandatory, right? It was clearly bad for the student if the student was bothered by it (it’s perfectly find for the student to be somewhat thrown for a loop by it and no reflection on the student for being bothered by it). It’s ok for the student and the counselor to be bothered by it - yes I’d call the school if I were the counselor. It just seems a bit weird (to me). </p>
<p>I think if Epi’s daughter reports this, she should be absolutely factual about the wife’s participation. for example, did she ask what other schools have you applied to?, or did she follow-up with repeat questions on that topic. (Hence the verb “badger”.) Did she ask other questions? How much time did she spend talking of the 30 minutes allocated to the interview?</p>
<p>I also think she could write a letter/e-mail in tone of curiosity, rather than outright criticism. I do think the college should be aware os this situation.</p>
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<p>Agreed. Also find it odd how they’re overlooking the fact that unlike employment situations, the alum had complete free will to become an alum interviewer for his/her alma mater or not. As such, he/she had the choice to decline becoming one if there are issues of being awkward with some/all students in an interview session or needing the active assistance of someone else…especially a spouse who is not affiliated with the college concerned. </p>
<p>I find the avoidance of discussing the alum interviewer’s free agency and thus greater onus of responsibility for undertaking this volunteering position on very interesting…and a bit disturbing. </p>
<p>In short, alum interviewer could have freely chosen not to be an alum interviewer if he had issues of awkwardness in interview situations, marital trust, and/or an overly controlling spouse until he/she’s resolved those issues out of consideration for his/her alma mater and potential applicants. </p>
<p>As an aside, am curious to see if this alum interviewer is the Richard to his wife’s Hyacinth in “Keeping Up Appearances”. </p>
<p>Or perhaps he wants to help out and try to give as many students as possible the opportunity to interview and it honestly never occurred to him that some students might find this to be offensive. I don’t think my daughter will have the opportunity even at some of the selective private colleges she’s applied to, and certainly not the publics. There simply aren’t enough available alums. If this is taking place in a more rural area, or far from the college location, and if the college stops this guy from interviewing, the likely outcome is that perhaps a hundred future applicants won’t get any interview at all. </p>
<p>Cobrat, why do you always take threads in a direction of “snotty people pretending to be snots”? Whatever this man’s issue is, or reasons for having the wife there, this has nothing to do with any projection that someone is trying to put on airs. </p>
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<p>Actually, when I made the Keeping Up Appearances reference, I was thinking mainly of how Richard is the long suffering sadsack having to deal with an overly controlling micromanaging spouse. </p>
<p>And considering the alum interviewer’s wife being overly controlling was posed as one of the possibilities by other commenters for her being there, I thought this reference would be a somewhat lighthearted reference to that. </p>
<p>This thread brings back a fond memory. When I interviewed 30 years ago for my first (and current) job in a big company, the assigned manager/host picked me up at the bus station the night prior. He and his wife then took me to a lovely dinner. I didn’t know much about the area, and their input was really helpful. </p>
<p>Of course the next day I did have traditional interviews with the manager and 2 other managers. </p>
<p>Haven’t read the whole thread b/c I sorely miss my ability to read 40 posts per pg!
Anyone remember the “would you let your kid go to an interview at someone’s home” a few years back? It may well be that some parents will feel more comfortable if their child, especially their dau, is not alone with an adult male, and also that the interviewer cannot be accused of an impropriety with a female witness present. </p>
<p>I don’t think it is appropriate for the wife to participate because of the change in dynamic. While most schools don’t heavily weight the interview, it isn’t generally presented as “here’s an alum you can get in touch with if you have questions,” but as an interview that may well wind up somewhere in the student’s admissions file. Given that, a student can and should treat it seriously, and feel some anxiety about how to present himself. Being asked questions, no matter how friendly, by two people rather than one tilts the balance of power further away from the student.</p>
<p>My bigger question, however, is why on Earth people would have a problem with a high school girl meeting a male interviewer in a public place. I mean, what could you possibly think is going to happen? And, even granting the possibility that the interviewer is some kind of creepy guy who wants to prey on teenage girls, why is the coffee house alumni interview any riskier than a 17 year old girl being around a man in any other public setting, as she presumably is fairly regularly? I mean, a guy sitting next to you on the bus can cop a feel, too. </p>
<p>Jym - I linked to that thread some posts back. Go and try and find it, good luck 
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<p>I think some of us are defending the interviewer because we just don’t think it’s a big deal. If this is an interview for an Ivy League school, I would expect an interviewee to not be so fragile that he or she can’t cope with something a bit out of the ordinary. And the way to cope is so obvious and simple–you smile, shake the hands of both husband and wife, and answer their questions in a sensible way. What’s the dilemma?</p>
<p>My takeaway from this interviewer (and wife) is to teach high school students how to interview effectively in different situations and that includes questioning the interviewer. Especially an unexpected interviewer. This is where I admire “Southern manners” - I can see a girl responding to wife’s questions, then adding “Did you also go to [Ivy X]?” Me? I wouldn’t be so sweet and I would straight out ask “Who are you? Are you also interviewing me? Why?” dooming me to a rejection from [Ivy X].</p>
<p>(adding this onto the list of things to do with junior D…)</p>
<p>I think the “meeting a girl in a public place and needing protection” is a red herring as well as the medical reason Neither require the wife to ask any questions, no matter how innocuous or severe. BTW, I think a husband-wife team of alumni interviewers is acceptable but that’s not the case here.</p>