<p>Before I state what I have to say, can we please have a nice discussion about this. I don’t need anyone insulting me or anything of the latter. </p>
<p>I would say that I am an introvert and HS is to blame for that. Early in my HS career I was very social but by the end of my HS career, obviously, clicks formed and I got pis.sed with that. I became antisocial and only included people in my life I felt would actually be my friend decades from now. One thing that I hate with a passion is the formation of clicks. </p>
<p>Overall, I like being alone. I don’t see the point of trying to be everyone’s friend because the truth of the matter (at least for me) is that there’s always going to be a small number of people you will get close with in your lifetime and can call a true friend. i.e. there was ~170 kids in my senior class and I can say about 20 (more or less) are my friend. When deciding who I open up to and who I will call my friend, I consider the long term. When I’m 30 years old, will I still be able to call you a friend? or were you just my friend in College because we just so happened to be in the same location for 4 years? </p>
<p>The fact of the matter is I’m not really a social person. I like being alone and being with small numbers of people who actually mean something to me and not “I’m going to be yor friend for the moment” people. So my question is, is being an introvert in college a bad thing? Will it negatively alter my college experience? Is wanting to be alone and making a few friends alter my college experience? </p>
<p>Honestly, I don’t want to enter college with this attitude but this is just the type of person I am. </p>
<p>Any and all MATURE, RESPECTABLE AND CIVILIZED comments are welcome.</p>
<p>“Is wanting to be alone and making a few friends alter my college experience?”</p>
<p>If you come in with this attitude, you might not be as selective in picking your close friends because you will limit your exposure. If you go into college with the attitude that you want to meet new people and become friends with everyone, it will be easier for you to meet people and you’ll have a better chance at meeting kids that you can become closer to.</p>
<p>There’s going to be cliques everywhere you go. People just like to be with other people that they have something in common with. </p>
<p>It just depends on you personality. If you like being a loner than that is fine. If you don’t like being alone and you are then that’s a different story.</p>
<p>One of the great things about college is being able to meet different types of people who have unique experiences and will expose you to other perceptions. By immediately shutting out new people, you’re just hurting yourself. I believe that everyone has a story to tell. Not everyone you meet or talk to or become friends with will be your friend when you’re 30, but that’s okay. Some people come into your life for a little while and leave as quickly as they came in. Even if they were your friend for a few months or a couple of years, they shared moments and memories with you that you wouldn’t have had otherwise. You don’t need to be everyone’s friend, but you should be willing to be more open with people and let them into your life.
I’ll be a sophomore in college and I have some really close friends that I’ve known since middle school. I don’t talk to them as much now and I might not talk to them anymore when I’m 30, but I’d never trade away the years that we had together even if I knew we wouldn’t be friends when we were older. It’s not worth it to alienate yourself from people, trust me.</p>
<p>Anyway, I never understood why people are so opposed to them. When you break it down, it’s nothing more than a close-knit group of friends. The “exclusivity” associated to them makes sense. Obviously, people will be left out. Who really befriends everyone? There are people you mesh with and those you don’t.</p>
<p>I don’t get the negativity associated with cliques. </p>
<p>As for being a loner–I suspect it’s more to do with wanting few very close friends, as opposed to a large number of “associate” type friends. Which is fine.
Whether or not you make these friends is to be seen.</p>
<p>“When deciding who I open up to and who I will call my friend, I consider the long term. When I’m 30 years old, will I still be able to call you a friend? or were you just my friend in College because we just so happened to be in the same location for 4 years?”</p>
<p>Things like this in your post would give off the indication, IRL, that you are quick to judge most people - as if you’re sizing them up and they’re not “good enough” for you because you feel they’re just temporary fixtures. That may be why you have trouble making close friends; it is hard for kids to enjoy being with people whom they feel judged by.</p>
<p>It is not necessarily a bad attitude to enter college with, but college is about so much more than a diploma. The friends you make there will be with you for a lifetime. Since you’re focused on long-term friends, that should be a good thing to you :)</p>
<p>I’m also an introvert and prefer being alone most of the time. Other have hinted at this, but I want to be clear: if you go to college with the intention of only making a few close friends and blowing off others, you might not make any friends at all. You’ll be reliant on a few friendships and if those don’t pan out, you’ll start sophomore year like a freshman. And this could cycle on until you end college.</p>
<p>You have 8 semesters in college. As a sophomore, junior, senior, or even a second semester freshman, choosing a few close friends is perfectly fine for an introvert. Coming INTO college as a first semester freshman with the intent of making few friends, however, is a mistake. </p>
<p>Be an extrovert those first few months. It’ll expose you to more people and you’ll realize who you are. If, after that, you still prefer keeping to yourself, then start visiting/having dinner only with the friends you care for.</p>
<p>You don’t have to be lifelong friends with people to be friendly with them. There are perhaps a few people who will become lifelong friends in the deep meaning of friendship. If you’re open minded, you can meet many people who you can have enjoyable, more shorter term, superficial relationships.</p>
<p>For instance, you may have a buddy whom you work out with. Going to the gym may be the only thing you do with that person. You may not choose to share your deep secrets with that person, and you may not have a lot of things in common with that person.</p>
<p>What do you want out of your college experience? If you’d be happy being by yourself most of the time except when you’re in the company of a few select people then that’s the kind of college experience you’re headed for.</p>
<p>If you really are a person who looks down on cliques because you’d love to be in one, but never have been able to find one, you’ll be unhappy in college being by yourself most of the time.</p>
<p>If you’re shy, and have been coping with shyness-caused isolation by disliking cliques and people who have lots of friends, college could be a good time to learn how to be more social. The shyness.com page has helpful information, and your college counseling center also could help. </p>
<p>Shyness is something that is relatively easy to change. Saying this as someone who used to be very shy, but with a lot of effort, changed that behavior.</p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with having friends outside of your “close friends” - even if you will just be together for four years.</p>
<p>Like a girlfriend you had that you are no longer together with — you will still enjoy the time you have together and cherish the memories. The more friends, the merrier I say, as long as you like the people.</p>
<p>I lean towards introversion myself, but I always try to be more social. I don’t think introverts dislike spending time with other people or wish to be alone all the time — it’s just that introverts feel anxiety around others sometimes - especially complete strangers. If you can get over the anxiety or realize it’s pointless - you can be probably be more social and meet some awesome people.</p>
<p>Thanks guys for the feedback. A lot of you make some great points. Like I said in my OP, I DON’T want enter college wtih this attitude and you guys’ posts only confirmed that I shouldn’t enter college with this attitude. I guess I should give people a chance and realize that what happened in HS won’t neccessarily happen in college. It’s just HS brought out this side in me :(. </p>
<p>One important tip: Don’t judge people by how they act during the first weeks of college. Many will acting differently than their true personalities. They’ll be stressed in a new environment, and in some cases, will doing stupid drunken things that they won’t do again after they get that out of their system.</p>
<p>Some will be hiding interesting aspects of their personality and background because they’re trying to be cool or are trying on a new persona that they’ll fairly quickly give up when they realize how silly it is to try to become someone very different than who they really are.</p>
<p>Often the easiest way to make friends in college is to get involved in organizations and activities that interest you, including those you’ve never done before. Unlike what occurs in high school when people put down activities that they think aren’t cool, in general college students are far more interested in pursuing their own interests than making fun of peers who choose other paths.</p>
<p>Okay. This might be kind of long because I definitely see both sides of the issue.</p>
<p>In high school, I was EXACTLY like how you described yourself. I had a few close friends but I just got so fed up with the drama, social scene, cliques, etc. I definitely thought of myself as introverted and I was fine with it–I was social with my close friends but just didn’t really care about the other cliques. And I was satisfied. Not happy, but satisfied. Looking back, I really missed out an a lot of opportunities for not getting to know more people. I went to high school with some amazing people who I never got to know, just because I was too shy to and I didn’t see the point. I regret not being more social and branching out.</p>
<p>Coming into college, I was determined to be more extroverted. I always thought of myself as shy and it was DEFINITELY hard to break out of that. For the first month or so, I was really social. I was open to meeting everyone and I went out of my way to be nice to people. I made a solid group of friends and then pulled back a little. I knew I had a great group of friends so I didn’t feel bad about spending some time alone. My friends respected that and I’m happier than I’ve ever been…way happier than I was in high school.</p>
<p>The thing is, when you meet someone, you have no way of knowing what they may mean to you someday. The thing about college is that it’s so different from high school and unless you’re open to the new experiences, you can’t learn and grow as a person. Sure, it’s more comfortable to have a really small group of friends. But if you’re always comfortable all the time you’re never changing or growing. When I first came to college I tended to judge the really social outgoing people as shallow or whatever. For example, my Orientation Week advisor (kind of mentor/role model type of person) was blond, perky, and loved everyone. In high school I would’ve thought of myself as too shy/introverted to be friends with someone like that. But, in college, I made it a point to be open and let people into my life. My advisor is now one of my best friends and she’s someone who inspires me every day. She sends me texts at 3 AM if I’m upset and always encourages me to pursue my dreams. I could’ve easily looked at her and said “she won’t be my friend in 30 years, so there’s no point” but I would’ve missed out on an amazing and beautiful friendship that means the world to me.</p>
<p>I’m not saying become best friends with a ton of people. Trust yourself to see who causes drama and stay away from that. But, there’s nothing saying you can’t have a lot of true, genuine friends. You shouldn’t limit yourself to a small group just because you self-identify as introverted. There are so many people out there who will make you a better person and make your life more meaningful. Always be open to meeting them and letting them into your life.</p>
<p>I would just like to point out that introversion /= shyness /= antisocial personality disorder /= social anxiety disorder /= schizoid personality disorder. It’s not that simple, and while several of these may be present in one individual, please don’t mesh them all into one vague attribute.</p>
<p>Thirty years from now, you might be surprised to find that you’ve lost touch with friend (s) you thought would be your bff’s and that you’re still in close touch with a couple of friends you never imagined you’d stay in contact with. College is a time to meet lots of people so don’t limit yourself. It is an opportunity to reinvent yourself. If you’re introverted now, that doesn’t mean you have to stay that way. Don’t analyze things so much ahead of time. Relax and go with the flow. Enter your university years with an open mind.</p>
<p>I am a pretty introverted person myself. I refer to have smaller groups of friends, not because I don’t like people, but at large gatherings I just tend to feel overstimulated and don’t enjoy myself. I prefer to have a few really good friendships rather than tons of casual ones. That isn’t to say that I am going to say, “okay, I have five friends, I don’t want to talk to anybody else anymore!” It just means that I am more likely to organize and attend social events that are smaller, and spend a lot more time hanging out at home with a few close friends than going to a party. I don’t think being an introvert means you have to limit yourself, like some are suggesting, it’s just a matter of what kinds of things you are going to enjoy and what sorts of personalities you may find you mesh with best.</p>
<p>Being an introvert in college can be difficult, since many peoples default social avenue is going to parties and many introverts aren’t into that kind of an environment. You have to be a bit more creative and put in more effort to find the kind of people you’re going to click with. And you are also not going to be immediately satisfied, because those “few close friendships” take a lot longer than casual friendships to develop, and every friendship starts as a casual one. So you’ll have to be patient and at first really put yourself out there, perhaps a bit more than you would normally, in order to get the ball rolling.</p>
<p>At large schools cliques are few and far in between, in my experience. I went to a large high school (5000+) and there wasn’t a big clique problem. I go to a huge university and it is absolutely not an issue. However, there WERE cliques in my dorm because it was a bunch of freshmen girls who didn’t realize they weren’t in high school anymore, so that kind of thing does happen.</p>
<p>Cliques are everywhere…even on the internet, from what I’ve noticed (and experienced). <em>Sigh</em></p>
<p>OP, I too, am an introvert and have experienced bullying in many phases on my life. To be honest, being an introvert in college is hard. Luckily, I have a WONDERFUL, charming, gentleman boyfriend who would never hurt me or force me into doing anything I don’t want to do, including going to social events. I did make one friend, until I found out she was no better than others, catty, self-indulgent and self-centered.</p>
<p>Really, I prefer to be alone as well. And yes, being an introvert will alter your college experiences, but not necessarily in a bad way. I find myself more focused than other college students, and the few relationships I have are more meaningful than most. Really, all I need is my partner and a female friend…still looking for that female friend.</p>
<p>@ OP, you mentioned yourself you didnt want to enter with that attitude, the great thing about college is that its so big and new, (this sounds shady) but nobody knows about your past. I was total introvert and then i went into college painfully trying to make friends(because it was so uncomfortable for me) and now apparently im really outgoing, meh. and theres no one to call you out on it!! because even if people from your HS go to your college, it’s so big you dont have to associate with them</p>
<p>I’m not going to write something long like everyone else, just restate.</p>
<p>People who come into college with a negative mindset will not make that many friends. I’ve met some people without many friends and they all have the same thing in common: they were not outgoing and they weren’t open to new relationships… usually because they were too insecure/thought they were too socially awkward.</p>
<p>It sounds like you’re confusing the terms introverted and shy. An introvert doesn’t feel like they have to be around friends at all. He or she may, but an introvert generally prefers spending time alone. What you are describing is a timid personality and a strong desire for deep personal relationships.</p>
CC <3</p>