Invitation for reflection - winter break parent observations

Parent Cafe
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<p>It is collective wisdom, both in college-related literature and on CC, that the first time you see your student back home (if they went away & didn’t return on weekends) is a key milestone, when you can finally verify that a) they’re really ok and b) they have begun the process of changing into their future selves. For most CC parents, that milestone was probably Thanksgiving, but perhaps for some it will be winter break. </p>

<p>I would be very interested in your impressions about any differences you notice as they show up on your doorstep for the holidays, from the perspective of ‘parent discovering who their child is becoming.’ I’ll start: </p>

<p>My son came home Saturday, and after being with him for two days, it is surprising that he doesn’t seem to be any different. This is interesting, because since he was overseas and has become a minority as an international student, in a different culture and a different educational system, you would think that his answer to the question “Who am I?” would be altering a bit. Definitely not the same-old-same-old milieu, right? </p>

<p>He did demonstrate that he passed Life Management 101 - he managed to pack up his room, travel around the UK on a singing tour, and make the airline flight (yay!). He replaced some words in his casual conversation vocabulary - “sorry” instead of “excuse me,” “lovely” instead of “awesome” and “c*ap” as a universal term of disapprobation. And…that’s about it.</p>

<p>Otherwise, he is - himself. Same calm, easy-going manner, rational, collected, quietly confident, pleased with his academic and performing experiences, and all the newness he took in seems to be no big deal. I remember my reactions to college first semester, and it was a far more dramatic experience for me, expansive and liberating. I was really EXCITED. I suppose the conclusion that must be drawn is that he is just a level-headed individual who is reasonably well-centered, not the type to go galloping off madly in all directions. He saves his drama for the stage.</p>

<p>So, parents, what have you learned about this strange and unusual plant, your child?</p>

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<p>Your son is becoming bilingual! Love your examples of his Brit-speak. I have wondered how he was getting along and am pleased he doesn’t seem to have encountered any anti-Americanism. Or rather, that he hasn’t been unduly disturbed by any anti-Americanism because I am sure he has encountered it at some lovel. Best wishes for a great holiday with your Oxford Blue singer…</p>

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<p>My S arrived home from Cornell yesterday, and while it is not even close to the first time I’ve seen him since August (we had a really unusual fall semester…3 extra trips home for family weddings), I was really struk last night by his growth.</p>

<p>Like Yulsie’s S, at core and in many more superficial ways, he is the same person he’s been for a while now. Very comfortable w/himself, lots of “quiet self confidence.” Altogether, to my biased eyes, a remarkable 18-year-old!</p>

<p>What shocked me to the core was my view of him: last night, for the first time ever, I saw him as an adult human being…not my little one looking all grown up, but as I would view a “stranger-teenager” like the new hire in my office–obviously not a child. I saw him as his peers might see him…a good looking young man who’s interesting, and fun, and considerate, too. It was an eye-opener for me.</p>

<p>We made a pact, within an hour of his arrival, that we’d cut each other some “initial slack” as we both readjust to his presence–he’s home for a long time, almost 6 weeks…we’ve both gotten used to not having to accommodate each other on a daily routine basis, and so we promised to sit on any initial annoyance about apparent inconsiderateness…and instead to calmly point out to each other when the mainstream courtesy of everyday life requires notice, or comment, (or clean-up!), rather than assuming the other person is being a jerk…</p>

<p>So far so good…it’s heaven having him home (he even brought me an “I’m glad to be home present”–a stuffed animal wearing a shirt that says “someone at Cornell loves you”…I melted on the spot…</p>

<p>JOy to all of you as you rediscover the wonder of our kids…</p>

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<p>Awwww… You made me smile.</p>