<p>So we were going to have very small Thanksgiving this year.( out of town- cause H & I are going to a concert the next day)
It was just going to be H & I and younger D, since older D is not speaking to me.
We also invited younger Ds Bf, who we like very much & who still lives in their college town. ( he graduated recently)
However, he just started two new jobs, and he has to work at one late one Wed, plus start training for the other on Saturday, making driving 300 miles just for Thanksgiving a little ridiculous. but disappointing us all. (But I am happy that he has even one job, because those are tough to find) If we had the money, I would pay for airfare, but that is $300.
His family is in our area & I expect he will go there instead.</p>
<p>Anyway, younger D recently moved into a new house for her senior year, her roommates are a man & a woman ( also students)
The woman she was already friends with, she hasn’t know the man as long. We’ve met him and he seems nice, although my superficial impression is that he has a crush on D.</p>
<p>After we established that Ds BF would not be able to join us for Thanksgiving, she texted if her roommate could come as his family is from the east coast and he apparently doesn’t have any local invites yet.
I feel that it would be too awkward, especially since as D just made a big deal to make sure I could cancel the additional hotel room I had booked for her & BF. So where would he stay?
( she is going to stay with us in our room)</p>
<p>Frankly I am surprised that she even asked, but I admit at that age, I was equally oblivious.
(Ive always had friends that were male, and they were always gentlemen, but for several of them Ive learned in retrospect, that wasn’t what they wanted.:o)
If she was dating someone I didn’t like or if she wasn’t dating anyone, I would feel differently.
But my gut just tells me it would be a bad idea.Is that too interfering?</p>
<p>Im obviously overthinking this, but both H and I were looking forward to having BF with us, as they are both a lot of fun to be around.</p>
<p>Is your discomfort with the fact that he has nowhere to stay or the fact that he may or may not have a crush on your D who is involved with someone else? </p>
<p>I think it is more the 2nd, because I imagine if he really looked, he could find somewhere to go, after all lots of students stay in town for Thanksgiving, since its a short break.</p>
<p>I’m a bit confused. So you three are staying in a hotel Thanksgiving night? If the gentleman came along, where would he stay?</p>
<p>If the man has a place to go home to after the dinner, I don’t see any problem with having him as a guest. It would only be awkward if he then felt he should stay at the hotel with your family.</p>
<p>Both of my kids have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, so this doesn’t seem strange to me at all. And I’m sure there have been crushes from time to time. They can still be friends, though.</p>
<p>That was my question also, about where he would stay, it would be a little too cozy for us all to stay in our room I think.
Although it is a large room with a sofa bed & a kitchen, I even think it is too cozy for our grown daughter to stay with us.
We all are used to having our own space.
But now it sounds like it has been worked out & bf is going to be coming even though it will just be for two nights.
Maybe the traffic wont be too horrible.</p>
<p>I personally would have no issue with this as long as he had his own accommodations. Perhaps this guy does have a crush on your D, but so what? I mean they already share a residence year round so what’s one more dinner? Coming from my perspective, my daughter won’t be able to come home for Thanksgiving and if she didn’t have an invitation for dinner, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my own dinner. Fortunately, our friends a few hours away are having her over. </p>
<p>Maybe this guy could have wrangled another invitation dinner somewhere else, but dinner with his roomy sounds like the most natural fit. Especially if he enjoys her company a lot. Frankly, since her bf will be otherwise engaged with his two jobs, these two may be thrown together socially more often than not. They may as well figure out where they both are and if your D is like mine, she won’t be asking your advice on whom to date. Happy Turkey DAy!</p>
<p>Roomie & D aren’t friends, they just share a house. I don’t believe she knew him before she moved in a couple months ago.
But in any case, it sounds like BF will be driving down with D after all.</p>
<p>I would still extend an invitation to the roommate to join you for Thanksgiving even though the BF is now coming. I would hate to think someone wouldn’t invite my kid to Thanksgiving if he was far from home. So what if he has a crush on your D?</p>
So he is now going to be ridiculous and drive 300 miles for a very short period of time? He should just go to his family! Bet his family thinks it’s ridiculous, too! (And probably a little miffed – after all this is a gf and not a fianc</p>
<p>I’m glad it has been worked out. I would probably still invite the young man for Thanksgiving <em>if</em> he is able to work out accommodations. I agree that it’s too cozy for him to share a room with your family overnight. That would be uncomfortable for me, so what my Dd felt or what he felt for her would be moot.</p>
<p>He not only would have to work out accommodations, but as he doesn’t have a car, he would have to work out transportation.
I wonder if he is willing to out that much effort into it, he could find another option if he wanted.</p>
<p>Personally, I would NOT invite the housemate and speak to my daughter (I don’t have one, but you can subsitute friend, etc.) about how it’s unfair to her boyfriend to invite over a guy who has a romantic interest in her.</p>
<p>I am a really big believer in putting a serious, committed relationship/marriage above pretty much any other interpersonal relationship (especially one with an almost starnger). I also firmly believe in the rule that if someone is not a friend of your marriage/relationship (a friend as in someone who supports it), they shouldn’t be your personal friend. If this guy is interested in the D, it’s not fair to the BF for him to be in her life in any meaningful way.</p>
<p>^ Wow. I had guy friend over all the time in high school and college (and now). Several of whom had crushes on me, but were friends above all else. None ever made a move (they knew they’d be out of my life if they did) and all supported my relationship. At least two guys and one woman that are going to be in my wedding party had feelings for me at some point (including my man of honor who got over the crush years ago and has been my best friend for years). So what? Crushes fade and you move on. </p>
<p>Just because you have a crush on someone doesn’t mean that you’re not supportive of their relationship. If they’re not, they’re not your friends anyways.</p>
<p>Let’s also remember that EK doesn’t know he is interested in her D. It’s just a suspicion.</p>
<p>Our Thanksgiving table is open to anyone my children choose to invite, but I do not get involved in transportation or accommodation arrangements. My children know this. We usually have a very large crowd and I am exhausted by the end of the evening. I look forward to lounging around in my pajamas on Friday and overnight guests are limited to very good friends/family who do not require any special attention. </p>
<p>So invite him for the meal but make it clear to your D that the rest is up to him. And a little competition might just enhance your D’s relationship with her BF!</p>
<p>I cant say for sure if roomie has a romantic interest in her, but he sure tries to impress us when we have been up to her house. I admit that could just be his personality. (Which I find annoying)
And while I think that it is a long drive just for Thanksgiving dinner & a two night stay, I know people who recently drove the same distance* without *staying overnight to see a concert!
Our neighbor used to drive that far & back every other weekend to take his stepson to visit his dad. You could argue that they had a formal relationship, which is true, but I don’t differentiate between an informal serious relationship & a formal one. </p>
<p>My kids like to travel for holidays, older D & * her BF, fly * 2,500 miles every other year to see his family for Thanksgiving. And that is without a formal commitment, but they obviously have a serious relationship. I know married couples who are less committed.</p>
<p>“Wow. I had guy friend over all the time in high school and college (and now). Several of whom had crushes on me, but were friends above all else. None ever made a move (they knew they’d be out of my life if they did) and all supported my relationship. At least two guys and one woman that are going to be in my wedding party had feelings for me at some point (including my man of honor who got over the crush years ago and has been my best friend for years). So what? Crushes fade and you move on.”</p>
<p>I supposed different strokes… Personally, I would not bring someone into my life who had an active crush on me. To me, that’s not at all what’s best for the relationship, and quite frankly I just wouldn’t want to put my boyfriend through that, just as I wouldn’t want to be in that situation myself. If it works for you and your partner, you should go with what you both feel comfortable with. Personally, I don’t think it’s a good situation, and I simply wouldn’t even go there.</p>
<p>I agree that it is fine to have priorities about where you spend your time & emotional energy.
If you have a pre existing relationship prior to the romantic relationship, that is quite different.
But Ive had roommates that I didn’t socialize with at all, it was a logistical relationship.
We didn’t go out to have a beer after work and we didn’t spend holidays together. That would have seemed too intimate.
I need my alone time, why do you think I got D her own room?
;)</p>
<p>I agree I have difficulty understanding the perspective of others, but I do try. However I imagine her motivation was wanting to have someone her own age around, as she hadn’t thought through if he would be able to arrange his own transportation & lodging.
But you’ll be glad to hear our holiday weekend went very well, & now I am wrapping up our Christmas plans.
:)</p>
