I read the article. Sounds like there was miscommunication.
My 2 cents, from what I have learned in dealing with men, women, and children:
Any event that involves kids who cannot drive themself to an event requires a parent to parent invite and confirmation.
Anything that requires someone to be somewhere at a certain time should always be confirmed thru the mom or woman and not the dad or partner. This is the only way to make sure that schedules are organized.
So in this case, they party giver mom was wrong on 3 counts:
Supposed “invite” did not make it into the hands if guest mom
Rsvp was done thru male significant other rather than thru guest mom
Sending an invoice for the fee for the no show.
Also interesting is that the venue says that they do not charge for no shows. So basically the party throwing, invoicing mom is totally crazy. I feel sorry for party throwing son who will have to grow up with a mom like this. If the 2 boys are supposedly such good friends, and the moms don’t even know how to contact each other, the party boy must have very few friends.
In my experience, when children get older the birthday party RSVPs and no-shows get worse and worse. One year by D3 insisted she didn’t want a party but she was turning 15 or 16 and so we decided to throw a surprise party instead. Everybody who was invited came and they were all early!
This is what happens when people decide that manners and etiquette aren’t important any more. The transgressions on both side are egregious and pretty much cancel each other out but as always, it’s the kids who will suffer most.
People really should have to get a license before they are allowed to be parents. There are too many self-centered idiots having children. It’s depressing.
I dunno, Joblue, you must be a pretty tough customer. Though I have never done it, I wouldn’t consider my kid being a no show to a child’s birthday party as an egregious transgression that one shouldn’t be allowed to become a parent for. I can just imagine your licensing questionnaire. “Would you ever allow your child to be a no-show at another child’s birthday party? Possibly? No children for you!”
@busdriver I’m not that tough In isolation, I agree that a no show at a kid’s birthday party, while rude, isn’t a huge transgression. I’m looking at the whole situation which would have never escalated to this internationally reported incident without every adult involved being simply indifferent to civilized standards of behavior. Their parents probably were the same and of course, they will not be teaching their own kids appropriate behavior. I’m just fed up with adults who pretend that ignoring good manners (which is really just being considerate to others) is NBD. They really do make the world a more toxic place.
Social interaction would be so much more pleasant if everyone just observed the niceties as outlined by Emily Post or my favorite, Miss Manners. It’s not that hard.
I feel saddest for the kids and school involved. I’m sure they all blame themselves and are confused and sad they can’t just be friends and that Bday boy’s mom won’t let him play with other boy. Really sad to polarize kids and force them to stop their friendship because mom is mad.
Good to know you’re not that tough, Joblue, whew! Otherwise I might get my grandparenting privileges taken away, should I ever get them. The adults are always the worst, the kids are just confused. Poor little guys!
I agree with everything Joblue said…just play nice! It worked in the sandbox and it works in the real world!
I will say, though, there are very few times when a no-show is unforeseen and excusable. Illness, unforeseen family issues (and yes…visiting older relatives might just be in this same category) all come to mind as reasonable reasons for a no-show. The dollar amount really is secondary. It’s the idea that a child is taught that forgoing a party to which a RSVP has been given, for something “better” that comes along, that rankles me personally.
I feel bad for the bday boy…he’s going to have some serious issues to deal with, with his mom.
Leave it to parents to turn something as sweet and wonderful as celebrating your child’s birthday into an occasion to alienate the child’s friend. So sad. Who does this sort of thing? Some people just can’t see the big picture.
Oh good grief, seriously? This is a reason people shouldn’t have kids?!
I have worked with a LOT of kids with parents who shouldn’t have been parents and parents who shouldn’t have had kids and this isn’t even in the ballpark. I have worked with kids who have been starved, burned with cigarettes, beaten, put on the streets, sexually abused, the list goes on- and not cancelling an RSVP to a small child’s birthday party is what people are worried about?
I want to live in your guys’ world. I’d love to encounter so few problems that this becomes an “egregious transgression”
The bday boy will probably be afraid to tell his mom whom his friends are from now on and dread his birthdays as times of confusion and sadness. Really, it takes adults to really muck things up when the kids were getting along nicely.
I agree with others- it’s the kids that are going to pay. Which is such a shame. We wonder why people can’t play nice- it’s because our “elders” take small issues and blow them out of proportion. What does that teach children?
People need to learn to shrug their shoulders and let things go. Imagine how much nicer the world would be if we just live and let live and not get our panties in a twist over the small things.
Shame on both boys’ parents. Both were wrong in what they did. The parents of the boy who did not attend, in my opinion, are even worse because they brought this to the attention of the press and now their child’s photograph, along with the story, has gone worldwide. Who does that? Even if they think that the invoice is ridiculous, who runs to the press? Stupid parents on both sides.
Even though the invoicing mother is a whack job, to me the unpardonable thing was done by the family that went to the press, even to the extent of having pictures taken. What on earth were they thinking? Honestly, between reality tv shows and social media, it seems that some people have lost any and all sense of discretion.
I mean, in what social circles were people applauded for fighting on the Jerry Springer Show? In what world is having the paternity status of your child paraded on Maury Povitch something that garners status or admiration? And those people probably weren’t even part of the eternal memory of the internet! Are these fools hoping to make money by parlaying this “celebrity” into yet another tv show about no-talent ignoramuses?
Maybe I’m a tough customer too, but it would not help my feelings if I was hosting a party and found out later that a no-show was a no-show because something came along better. It might help my feelings if I was notified in advance something had come up, and that the kid would not be arriving. But a change of mind, as these parents had, and giving the hosts no notice does not excuse a no-show.
If we’re making up different scenarios( re post 6), had it been a car wreck on the way to the party, or an alien abduction, a no-show would absolutely be understandable. I didn’t read anything about a car accident. This was only a case of deciding another event was more important and choosing not to tell the hosts. That, imo could very well warrant canceling, but does not warrant a no-show.
“The reason for not attending makes a difference” busdriver says. Maybe so, but the “reason for not attending”(something better came up) isn’t at the heart of my comments on this thread. It is about the reason they were a no-show, and the actions the hosts took. Had they called to cancel, THEN the reason might have mattererd to the hosts’ feelings.
With 2 kids, both with winter birthdays, I’ve heard most of the plausible no-show excuses out there and always expected 1-2 sick kids to call out the day. For places that charge per person fees (mostly bowling…both kids loved bowling parties), I generally confirmed a minimum number that was several below the actual RSVP count and made sure the place could take a few more the day of the party. Have done the same for private dinner parities - always confirm 10% less than RSVP.
Even w Girl Scouts, we would have 1-2 last minute no-shows for expensive events (Beach Jam - scout leaders in NJ all know about this), so I would buy one less ticket than we had confirmed attendees, as I could pick up one the day of from another leader that had a no-show.
(edited to add - I wonder if there are some other long-simmering issues between these families here that have not made it into the press)
In isolation, I agree that a no show at a kid’s birthday party, while rude, isn’t a huge transgression. I’m looking at the whole situation which would have never escalated to this internationally reported incident without every adult involved being simply indifferent to civilized standards of behavior. Their parents probably were the same and of course, they will not be teaching their own kids appropriate behavior. I’m just fed up with adults who pretend that ignoring good manners (which is really just being considerate to others) is NBD. They really do make the world a more toxic place.