irresponsible coach---would you pull your kid off the team?

Parent Cafe
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<p>My ds is a sophomore tennis player. Our school is not big on tennis and has a new coach every year as none of the teachers want to coach and it’s hard to find people available for all those matches.</p>

<p>They now have a coach that says he wants to stick around and build the tennis program. He was set to coach three years ago and had started practices when he crashed his car into somebody’s house and got a DUI, yes, the coach has a DUI. Somebody decided to give him a second chance. He’s 26, by the way. I knew about the DUI but I’m sure some of the parents don’t.</p>

<p>I’ve watched him not really step up and be in control of the team—it’s that old–I want to be the cool adult, the buddy, not the disciplinarian—situation. It was irritating, especially since we have some pretty wild kids on the team this year, but I thought he’d figure it out eventually.</p>

<p>Then, through Facebook snooping, I found out that he was letting them play ‘dodgeball’ on the mini-bus he was driving. They were throwing tennis balls at each other. Then they were surfing, standing up while he swerved to try to knock them off their feet. Yes, he’s a moron. I also found out he let a senior drive a mini-bus from the front of school around to the side. Dumbest guy ever!</p>

<p>I contacted the athletic director about the bus stuff because it’s a matter of safety. I’ve talked to a few of the parents, but not all. And today I talked to the coach. He kept referring to “my program” and he still seems to be deluding himself that he’s building a great tennis program. He admitted discipline has been a little lax, but said overall “my program won’t change much.” </p>

<p>The A.D. did not say what his course of action would be. He may be scrambling to find an interim coach because the assistant isn’t off work early enough to be there for all the matches. </p>

<p>We’re halfway through the season and my son is ready to be done. He’s tired of my rants about the coach—who lets the kids swear like crazy…on the court…during matches!!! I think he’s also tired of being around some of the more troublesome kids. They’re not hassling him, but he just thinks they’re idiots.</p>

<p>So, with the season half over do we just cut our losses and quit? I can’t stand to look at this guy. He walks up and sees and hears the kids misbehaving and he either grins stupidly or turns and walks the other way so he doesn’t have to deal with it. Other than a straight up pedophile, I can’t think of anyone more dangerous to a bunch of wild teenage boys than a weak man who needs their approval.</p>

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<p>What does your son say? Does he enjoy playing tennis? Is he willing to put up with the guy until the A.D. gets around to firing him and finds another coach? I’d print out the Facebook info as proof to speed up the process. I’d ask the A.D. if he needs some help finding a new coach. That way you’d know how he feels and could make some calls to your local tennis clubs or other high school coaches to see if anyone can recommend someone.</p>

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<p>FYI, you did the right thing when it came to the driving/safety issue. </p>

<p>Coaches come and go, sometimes HS teams are lucky to have any coach at all. </p>

<p>Your kid has only four years of HS to play tennis, to lose even half a season would
be a shame.</p>

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<p>Wow…our varisty baseball coach was suspended and dismissed for less stupid stunts than that and he’d had a good track record for 10 years or so. Ditto one hockey coach I can recall. Both gone the minute the board got a parent complaint that the superintendent could verify by asking team members. Good luck!</p>

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<p>OK, This guy has a DUI, crashed into someone’s house, drives a van in which kids throw balls at each other and stand up without seatbelts while the coach swerves the car to knock them over – and the school not only still has him there but is letting him drive kids around? Oh, and he let a kid drive a mini-bus the kid presumably is not licensed to drive. This must be one heck of a well-insured school with a great PI lawyer on retainer. Are you kidding me? Sorry, but how do the team parents let their kids step into a vehicle driven by this guy?<br>
Document, hand it to the princ. and the school board if this is a public school, with a written request that someone other than this irresponsible, dangerous guy drive the team given the safety concerns that his documented driving issues raise.</p>

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<p>If the AD doesn’t address the bus safety issues, I’d be inclined to discuss it with someone else in administration. My kids have had many coaches, some good, some not, but putting up with a nimwit for a limited amount of time is different than the potential for death while driving.</p>

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<p>The one thing that really stands out to me – a LOT – is the very unsafe driving. I’m kind of shocked that the athletic director hasn’t treated that as the serious matter that it is. At S1’s HS, there was a very serious accident when a van, on a trip to a competition, overturned, and at least one of the students was very seriously injured. I don’t think the coach/driver was even at fault (I don’t know if they ever quite figured out what caused the accident), but it was a very sad event. Here, where you know that the driver lets the kids throw balls around and purposefully swerves to try to knock the passengers off their feet (that one boggles the mind!) – that just has to stop, immediately.</p>

<p>ETA: I agree with other posters that you should go over the athletic director’s head.</p>

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<p>There is no way in God’s green earth that I would let my child be driven anywhere by this man.</p>

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<p>^^ Agree 100%.</p>

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<p>I’d certainly pull my kid off the team if there were any possibility at all that my kid could end up in a car with this guy. How is he at the tennis part of his job?</p>

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<p>Since when do schools allow coaches to drive their athletes around? I’ve never heard of this type of policy.</p>

<p>In our public school district, every single team is driven by a bus driver (no matter how small in number the team may be).</p>

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<p>Our coaches drive the team buses. They have to get the correct license first. If they drive the bus they get a little extra money. I have never heard of any dangerous behavior - I would immediately go to the AD.</p>

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<p>I’m happy to hear that so many of you say you wouldn’t let your kid get on a bus with this guy. That’s the baffling thing about it! I’ve told a few other parents, and they act appropriately appalled, but then they do nothing! I was starting to think I was going crazy!</p>

<p>I don’t really know what the AD is doing. He may be trying to find someone else before he fires the guy. We haven’t had an away match since this incident. There is one tomorrow, but it’s not far. I’d hope the AD is doing something because when I spoke to him on the phone I said,“I’ve been concerned about the general lack of discipline—clearly this coach wants to be the buddy and not the boss—but I didn’t call you until the bus problem. I don’t want to bear the liability of knowing about this and not addressing it.” I would hope that the word “liability” might trigger a response!</p>

<p>It’s unfortunate, because we could really use somebody who would stick around a while, but I think he’s just plain old dumb. He’s been letting the boys unscrew the lid from the big water jug that the trainers provide and use old tennis ball cans to drink from it. Instead of bringing water jugs from home, they’re sticking their hands into the communal water and also contaminating it by repeatedly putting the can back in after drinking from it. When I pointed out this was a bad idea—or a really good way for the whole team to get mono he said,“I think it’s fine.” Ah, so you’re a scientist. </p>

<p>I have to let my son quit, because though I’m a mild mannered 47 year old mom, I find myself wanting to leap off the bleachers and strangle this guy. :)</p>

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<p>Generally we do not let our kids quit in the middle of a season for any reason except grades (it was our choice once to withdraw one of our kids from a sport) or season ending injury. At the end of the season, they are free to decide whether to continue the next season (or off season or whatever).</p>

<p>However, I would NOT allow your son to ride on the bus with the coach, and I would inform the coach, AD, and principal in writing of your concerns. Hopefully you can provide your own transportation for him to and from matches going forward. Maybe you can get another parent or two to carpool if anyone else is concerned. Not everyone here will agree, but if you have been talking to dads, try a word with the moms – they are less likely to ignore a safety issue like this in my experience. Some coaches are big on the “team experience” on the bus, but if you inform him that it is a safety issue based on his own behavior, can’t believe he can really insist that your kid ride. He could take it out in other ways… but if you have already complained, he has already thought of that.</p>

<p>My experience has also been that one parent complaining won’t get rid of a coach, but multiple parents complaining can sometimes accomplish this.</p>

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<p>If your son is not having a good time and he wants to quit, let him quit. Let him use you as his excuse to his friends. All he has to say is that you won’t let him on any bus that this particular coach is driving.</p>

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<p>

I think that says it all. The world doesn’t end if your S quits now. If by next year they get a decent coach and your S wants to play he s/b able to try out again for the team I would think.</p>

<p>But, if he and you want to give it more of a chance, go talk to the AD again tomorrow and ask him what he decided to do about this. If you don’t get anywhere that way you can go to the principal and see what happens with that but through both of these you’re dealing with a system that doesn’t always move very quickly - they may try to drag it out through the season.</p>

<p>You’ve already presented more than enough info to not permit your S to ride with this person and any other parent that lets their kids ride with him after knowing this is acting irresponsibly.</p>

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<p>Let him quit. I’d cut my losses immediately. Moronic behavior from someone supposedly in authority should not be tolerated and I find it hard to believe the coach still has a job.</p>

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<p>Normally I wouldn’t even entertain letting him quit. He plays #2 varsity doubles. He’d leave a gaping hole in the lineup. Here is an example of why I think it’s fine for him to quit.</p>

<p>Last Thursday he announced to the team after practice that he was going to quit. He did this without consulting me, though we had discussed the possibility. He’s sick of the conflict, and probably sick of the chaos. This was two days before a tournament. His partner was out sick with strep. The next kid down in the lineup couldn’t be there either. Not good. When I came to pick him up I walked up to him laughing with the coach and a couple other kids and the coach turns around with a big grin and says,“Well there’s Helen! ***** was just telling me he wants to quit!” He looked at me expectantly with that big stupid grin. I just said,“We’ll discuss it at home.” Then I yelled at my son in the car and said this is why I can’t stand this guy. A normal coach might yell at you for trying to quit mid-season, or they might lecture you on commitment and responsibility and letting down the team. They would not smile, and they wouldn’t laugh, and they wouldn’t tell your mom! So since my son was trying to protect me, when they asked why he wanted to quit he didn’t say,“Because I’m sick of listening to my mom rant about what a bad role model you are.” He said,“Oh, I’m just kind of tired and I haven’t had a free weekend for a while.” The coach responded,“Well, then why don’t you take the weekend off and think it over.” What freaking universe are you living in, dude?! </p>

<p>I told my son that I’m sure he actually is tired, but no coach on the planet would reward that statement with a weekend off to relax–especially when so we were already missing a varsity player.</p>

<p>This guy just keeps giving my son the wrong idea about how it all works. There is no sense of responsibility or duty. My son said last week,“I think I’ll skip practice.” No, no you won’t. Varsity players do not skip practice. “People skip all the time. Coach doesn’t care.” Excellent lesson!</p>

<p>I’ve talked to the parents I think most likely to get involved. I’m not talking to the parents of the stoner kids, because thought they might actually be of help, they might also tell their kids who would be more likely to want to kick the crap out of my kid. That’s the final nail in the coffin of my son’s tennis career. The tennis team used to be the refuge of nerdy honor students, but somehow we’ve ended up with half the team being stoner kids who’ve been suspended for fighting. I don’t need my kid around those kids—and definitely not without a responsible adult supervising!</p>

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<p>You say that like it’s a bad thing… :rolleyes:</p>

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<p>I stopped myself from replying yesterday because it was too obvious, too easy. But since the thread is still going strong, here is my post from yesterday:</p>

<p>You already answered your own question here:

</p>