<p>No… probably not. Her comment was to me during a discussion when we both had energetic 3rd grader boys. I asked if hers had worn her out as a baby too like my guy that never slept. Sorry if it was an inappropriate comment here. It was just meant to show that sometimes there is no real major difference.</p>
<p>Yes, romani, people ask silly questions, including my own brother.
Mine are sisters, adopted from the foster system. Love 'em crazy and no issues that any child couldn’t experience. Love is love. They are ours and we are theirs. I’m happy to hear so many of us have included adoption in building our families.</p>
<p>Whoops, sorry, Colorado, I was talking to the OP… it’s just difficult to quote on my phone :o</p>
<p>I’m not a parent, but I’d say it almost totally depends on the parent’s outlook. If you view an adopted baby as your baby, then it isn’t different. </p>
<p>That said, the one difference there will be is that they won’t share hereditary characteristics with you, and therefore it may be more difficult to get along and/or understand where each other is coming from.</p>
<p>“Sort of a practical application of Rawls’ Theory of Justice, mini.”</p>
<p>Flattered you noticed. ;)</p>
<p>I can’t say about a difference between adopted and birth children. I grew up (and old) without knowing that many adopted children. And it is quite possible I “knew” children who were adopted, but didn’t know that they were adopted. What I can’t stand: Obituary notices where the survivors are listed: 2 children and 2 adopted children (whatever the numbers or configuration). They are the children of the family…period.</p>
<p>2 bio and 1 adopted child - Made no difference in how we feel toward them. Occasionally I have forgotten that the adopted one isn’t a blood relative - i.e. She’s allergic to citrus fruit, I’m allergic to citrus fruit- she must have gotten that from me. Oops - I guess not.</p>
<p>Our neighbor of 30 years has three boys, twins that were adopted & a younger boy ( who was a surprise) They are all his sons, I don’t see a difference.</p>
<p>I actually know a lot of parents who have adopted kids now that I think about it, but I haven’t seen that there is a difference. Once you adopt someone, even an older child, they are your family.</p>
<p>Adoption is an every day thing, same sex couples b
Which makes sense, after all we treat our pets! like they are our flesh & blood, so why would a child be any different?</p>
<p>I think it is a question one might ask oneself if trying to decide whether to adopt or undergo IV Fertilization. We know someone (thru work) who tried to go the IVF route w/o success and decided not to adopt because “it would not be the same”. To me, that is horribly misguided and they are missing out on so much. On the other hand maybe it is better they did not adopt as I feel that is such a shallow reason. Maybe I am being judgmental as it is a very personal decision. I just can’t imagine going w/o the joy (and sometimes heartache) our children have brought to us and feel it would be the same no matter where they came from.</p>
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<p>It isn’t a silly question, in my opinion.</p>
<p>There are stories like this:</p>
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<p>Honestly, I think it matters if it matters to the prospective adoptive parents.</p>
<p>For some people it does matter. They anticipate that they’ll have a hard time loving a child not genetically related to themselves as their own. These people normally don’t adopt, so when you ask this question you’ll run up against a sampling bias. 99.9 percent of those of us who have adopted will tell you that it doesn’t matter a whit unless you’re dealing with older kids who are coming into the family with pre-existing conditions, such as trauma from abuse or neglect.</p>
<p>We never considered that we would love our adopted kids any less than children we would have had biologically. We’ve raised them the same as we would have raised kids born to us, and their treatment by their grandparents has been exactly the same as that their cousins receive. They are extremely well loved by the entire family.</p>
<p>Recently our son connected with his biological big brother on line. He was quite excited because he was raised in a house with little sisters. When we asked him if he’d like to contact his birth parents (lovely people from what I know of them) his response was, “Why? I already have parents.” I think he was envisioning yet another set of people asking about his grades and telling him to clean his room!</p>
<p>@romanigypsyeyes- Not exactly. In health class we were all creating scenarios for a flour-baby project- I told my partner we should adopt because why not? And he said it’s just not the same. In a different conversation yesterday, I was talking to someone about whether they would date a transgender person. He said no, because he wants to have a family in the future. I said adoption is an adoption, and he said it wasn’t the same.</p>
<p>To continue my thoughts, I think some people worry that they couldn’t love a child who didn’t look or act like them. What they may not be paying attention to is that families have ways of being and acting that they pick up from each other. My daughter’s birth parents look nothing like us, yet more than once she’s put us on the phone to verify to her incredulous friends that she is, indeed, an adoptee. Family rhythms, jokes, gestures, accents, interests-these things are naturally handed down in an adoptive family the same way they are in a family created through biology.</p>
<p>@migraine-I think most people want a little carbon copy of the person they love, but when push comes to shove they find the desire for a baby to nurture stronger than their need to raise a child with their and their partner’s genes.</p>
<p>I have cousins who were adopted (not “are adopted” – “adopted” should describe an action, not a person). Our grandparents adored them, their parents love them as much as any parents could love their children, and their aunts, uncles, and cousins don’t distinguish between them and the rest of the family. There is a strong physical resemblance in the extended family, and these cousins don’t look like anyone else. Their parents are not their genetic parents, and their mother did not give birth to them. Other than those things, there isn’t a “difference”. We have an especially close family, and we all just love each other. Yes, it really is as sappy as that. :)</p>
<p>Have both as well. Love all my kittens. Has made for an fun and interesting life!</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>I don’t know about loving an adopted child vs. loving a biological child, but I think the reason that some say adoption isn’t the same is because the process is very different. Childbirth, building life, nurturing an innocent child with your own body for nine months… These are things which a lot of people find important.</p>
<p>Did you all see the boy in Florida who got dressed up in a suit and went to church to ask for a family to adopt him? Come on, 'fess up. I wasn’t the only one mapquesting a route to go and get him. I would love to bring another child into our family.</p>
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^^^This. It’s probably the biggest issue I have with being adopted. Fifty years ago, most adoptive parents were told “Take this baby home, love him or her and no one will ever know they’re not your biological child.” Well …
I was and am a very different person from the one my parents tried to mold me into. Not better or worse, just different. But growing up, my parents had a very difficult time with this. My mom had very specific hobbies and interests she wanted to share with me and she was shocked and hurt when I just wasn’t interested. My dad wanted a cutie-pie social butterfly and I wasn’t that girl. It made things very hard and it’s still hard.
^^^And this. I don’t like being singled out, and my own parents were guilty of it, by shouting from the rooftops that we were adopted and encouraging us to do the same. They meant well … they wanted us to be proud of it. But I feel that some people viewed me differently because of this knowledge, and at the end of the day it’s none of anybody else’s business.
I’ve lived the adoptee life for 52 years and I’ve experienced just about every emotion - good, bad and ugly - associated with it. It’s a lifelong process and today’s resentful adoptee often appreciates the good aspects of the situation tomorrow … and vice versa. From the outside looking in, you can’t understand it; from the inside looking out, you can’t explain it. The whole thing is very hard for non-adoptees to wrap their heads around.</p>
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Maybe it should, but trust me, for a lot of us, it doesn’t.</p>