Is it awful to not want to work anymore? Experiences with you or your kids?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Hello Parents,</p>

<p>This may make me sound lazy or unmotivated, and I apologize in advance if that’s how it comes across. Ultimately, though I feel horrible for thinking this, I really would just like a summer OFF or at least less-stressed for once. I currently work at a family-owned business (it’s run by my aunts/uncles and their children), and while I’m appreciative that I’ll always have a job and that they pay me generously, I feel that I really need a break this summer.</p>

<p>I had a really difficult school year and I started a new on-campus job in addition to that, and now that I’ve only got a month of school left, I’m finding my summer dreams tainted by the dread of having to go work full time and get stuck in yet another constant, crushing gear. I don’t want to elaborate too much on my family’s business, but it’s one that’s labor-intensive and that often results in 50-60 hour work weeks. I’ve tried to work less in the past when I was younger, but the response was always “your older cousins did it so you can too,” and a part of me DOES feel bad and guilty because they DID work their butts off without complaint whereas I’ve always been overwhelmed.</p>

<p>Also, I’m luckily in a position where I don’t really have to worry about money. I have a full-ride and have been working and saving money my entire life, and I actually have close to 20k. This is quite a comforting nest egg that I plan to use when I first get started after I graduate in a couple years, but I know that I don’t really HAVE to work right now, which is fueling my increasingly anti-working frame of mind.</p>

<p>In the end, I’m not sure if I should just work less hours, buck it up and do it, take a summer class or something to make some kind of balance, or just not work and soul search instead. I have a lot of independent study and practicing goals this summer (I’m minoring in French and also have a mini summer review session before school starts in august), so I’d definitely be able to make my summer productive in a more academic sense.</p>

<p>Is it wrong that I want a genuine break from work and school? I know that this never happens in the “real” world, but I truly feel that I’m starting to get burned out. A part of me feels justified since I have enough money to keep me going, but another part feels guilty since I’ll be an otherwise able 20 year-old girl doing nothing when other 20 year-olds are busting their chops.</p>

<p>Thanks for reading, and I’d appreciate any insight.</p>

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<p>When I stated reading your post I thought that you were being spoiled and unreasonable but as I read further I changed my mind. I would set up some kind of volunteer work and maybe take a class. The problem will be getting your family on board with that.</p>

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<p>Have you raised this topic with your family yet?</p>

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<p>Thank you very much for your replies.</p>

<p>I haven’t raised it with them yet, but I know that I’ll have to do so soon. I’m not really sure what to say since no one in my family has really taken a non-school year break, and I guess I want to figure out what it is that I want before I talk to them. I know they’re my family, but I still don’t know how they’d take it or how they’d feel. I don’t want to hurt them, but I also don’t wan to try too hard to please everyone.</p>

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<p>Are you a very close knit family, with extended family relatives a big part of your immediate family’s daily lives? Does everyone know your “business” and feel free to give their opinions on how you should behave? Are you part of a culture that promotes younger respecting elder relatives, which might make you uncomfortable sharing your desire to not work the family business this summer?</p>

<p>If you are a model student and family member who has given your all in the past, maybe you have built up a good reputation and can try to get out of family work this summer.</p>

<p>You can approach it several ways. One is to “ask” and another is to “tell”. Asking puts the power in the hands of the people you approach. Telling lets you drive the approach. I think if you could come up with a plan for your summer, something spectacular/unique/compelling that you need to do/experience/be a part of for the purpose of your resume, or for your college graduation requirements or for your future career goals you might could sell that story to your family.</p>

<p>You know your family best, trust your gut on their reactions. Do your homework beforehand, try to think of how they will react and have some replies to the obstacles they raise.</p>

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<p>It definitely sounds like a burnout (or something along the lines of overtraining fatigue that athletes experience). What about taking a couple of weeks off after the end of school year, and I mean completely off and doing something fun but not outrageously expensive, and then work for the family business as planned? This is what most of us, adults, do - a week of vacation, then 5-6 months of work…</p>

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<p>I suspect that if you spend the summer at home, you will end up working long hours in the family business no matter what. People will just keep asking you to help out, and you will eventually say yes. And if you plan some other activity (like taking a course while living at home), you will still end up spending most of your time working at the family business – with the additional work of the course on top of it.</p>

<p>Could you find a way to spend a summer elsewhere – perhaps in your college community? (There are often very cheap summer sublets in college communities.) You might want to get a small part-time job if possible in addition to the academic activities you have planned, but that would be a lot less work than you would do at home. </p>

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<p>I think if you feel you need the break, take it. This is the time to do it. Once you are out of school there will be no taking the summer off unless you are employed in academia (and even then there is professional development and family responsibilities to attend to). If your family members object to the point where you are uncomfortable, then propose a compromise. Perhaps work 1 month and take the last 2 off. I mean how many more summers do they realistically you expect to commit to the family business, which I surmise is work you do not enjoy all that much.</p>

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<p>I agree with HarvestMoon, and Marian too. </p>

<p>Here is what I propose for you. Take a couple of weeks off after school ends to rest and plan your upcoming trip. Then work for a month or so, to please your family and save up a bit more money. That money you will spend on your trip to France, that you can plan to do pretty cheaply by saving money on hostels, or traveling inexpensively like many students do.</p>

<p>Why not? If not now, when? This is the perfect time to take a trip like this, and you can stay as busy as you want or relax as much as you like. Once you start working full time, have a family, responsibilities…it becomes impossible to do this kind of thing until you retire. You are young, have money, time, want to get away, have a French minor, why not do it now? I would suggest the entire summer, but this way you please your family, earn some money, have an amazing experience, potentially walking away with an awesome summer, and no dent on your savings.</p>

<p>If my kid told me he felt as burnt out as you did, I’d suggest he spend the summer at home playing with his dogs, relaxing, traveling with us, and having fun, working if and whenever he felt like it. Then again, it’s easy for me because I know they aren’t overworked and wouldn’t be interested in what I suggested! But I’d be happy to offer it.</p>

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<p>Yes take your summer off. I also told my daughter that there is no need to hurry and get a job because one she starts working she won’t ever have time to have 3 months off easily.</p>

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<p>If the norm in your family is for everyone to work long hard hours all summer long, you are going to end up doing it too unless you live elsewhere (or the discrepancy in schedule and lifestyle will cause problems). I agree with Marian that probably the best way to guarantee a lower-key summer is to spend it away from the family home.</p>

<p>You will be bored out of your mind if you do nothing all summer, though. You need some structure and goals. Going from furious activity to nothingness is actually quite stressful.</p>

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<p>Take the summer off from work, but do plan to do something. Maybe you could do a trip abroad, or some volunteer work that you would enjoy. Or something. I can’t imagine that sitting around all summer is a good idea.</p>

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<p>How about any roommates from anywhere else? what are they doing? can you go live with them for the summer or stay on campus in a sublet?</p>

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<p>Tell them you are going to France for summer. Find a language course, and go. Don’t ask permission or approval.</p>

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<p>It is not awful on your part; you will likely be working for the rest of your life and now would be a very good time to relax and do something you want to do rather than what is expected of you to do. Not having control of your life may also be a reason why you feel the weight on you. I wish my own kids were as driven as you seem to be. They all took a break without having put in the work you have done.</p>

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<p>I think that it is never awful to want to improve our families’ lives. I was brought up as a latchkey kid. I vowed that this wouldn’t be my children’s life. I was and am very fortunate that I was a stay at home mother. We (all of us) are very close. This is not to say that if both parents work outside the home you won’t be close. This our family dynamic.</p>

<p>The most important thing to consider is finances…can you make it on one salary? (from another thread) can you make it if there is a divorce? There are legal things like the postnup to consider. And, like full time workers…what happens when you retire (when the last child leaves). Can you become a retiree (no one gives you a party) when you really are socially more isolated?</p>

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<p>^^bevhills, I don’t think you read the OP’s original post, you just read the thread title. This is a student who doesn’t want to work over the summer, not a parent who wants to quit work.</p>

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<p>If you work for 50-60 hours, then you should take only one class. I have been working and going to school for decades since I have changes career. I was working 40 hours and was taking only 2 classes. Of course, I had a family and was taking care of them also. So, again, 50-60 hours will result in only one class. There is no way to do more if you want to be successful.<br>
However, if you have a full ride, then you need to be full time student. That can only mean - cutting working hours to maybe about 10 / week. You can let others talk, you do not need to listen. While you cannot control them talking, listenning is your personal choice. If I slisten to others, I would be nowhere in my life, I might have not be even alive now.</p>

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<p>What about checking with your school to see if they have any summer programs in France? It would be a great way to practice your French and it might even get you credits toward your minor. There may be a program where you are only in class a short time and the rest of the time is spent exploring the area. Then you could approach your parents to tell them that it is for the benefit of school. The problem with living at home this summer is that I suspect as others have suggested that you will end up working for the family business. Another option is what about staying at school and finding a job that is entirely different from what you do in the family business, and which is way less hours. It sounds like you could afford to do that and it might give you a more well-rounded perspective on the working community. There is nothing wrong with needing a break- it sounds as if you have earned it. You need to come up with a plan and then tell, not ask, your family what you have decided. </p>

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<p>“What about checking with your school to see if they have any summer programs in France? It would be a great way to practice your French and it might even get you credits toward your minor. There may be a program where you are only in class a short time and the rest of the time is spent exploring the area. Then you could approach your parents to tell them that it is for the benefit of school.”</p>

<p>That sounds like a great idea!!</p>