The essay is related to how I will positively affect the campus. This is my last sentence, is it too much? Do I seem like I’m saying things just to get in, or begging for an acceptance?
If I am admitted to [college], I plan on using my teaching and composition experience from marching band, my professional marching experience from [professional marching group], and music courses in college to start a competitive indoor marching ensemble.
Well, certainly arrogant. While you may be able to start a club in high school, college programs are developed by faculty and administration with student input. Factors involved interest in the activity by students, availability to teach the class, meeting location and timing, uniforms, travel expenses and budget within university goals. I think it would be better for you to say that you enjoy participating in competitive indoor bands. Acting too big for your britches could be a liability when you would be an incoming freshman with band experience but clueless about how universities select and operate programs.
^depends on the school. At small LACs it is certainly possible to start a program, but one would need to demonstrate some level of initial interest, request a modest start-up budget, have a business plan of sorts, etc. In fact just about every LAC we visited bragged about how easy it was to start a new group. Programs are not started by faculty and administration. But I agree that it comes across as arrogant to say you “plan to.” Much more collaborative to say something like “I would love to…” and then give some background on your qualifications. But you don’t really need to say that you are “qualified.” Interest and enthusiasm is far more important, plus, you know, having enough other interested students, which you can’t predict.
Your bigger question is how the adcoms will read this. They will likely not be impressed. You can probably figure out a better way to communicate your enthusiasm for marching band.
You’re not even admitted to the school yet, and you’re already working on how to improve the school? Do you also have a plan for funding, and a coach in mind who has the time and has agreed to take the job?
I think it’s a HUGE mistake.
^to be fair, some colleges specifically ask how the prospective student will contribute to the school environment.
Small LACs encourage students to start their own groups and provide guidance and modest start up funds for them, so response to the question isn’t unreasonable. But I’d follow the wording suggested by @donnaleighg.
In one of the OP’s other posts is a reference to wanting to join the Stanford Marching Band. This could have an interesting result at Stanford when the real band finds out that someone is trying to start a Competition Marching Band. Who know what they will come up with? But it is sure to land them on double secret probation. :))
Nah, in my other post I’m talking about starting a competitive drumline. It’s basically marching band but only the drums, they would go to performances with the marching band but also have regional and state competitions. It’s a whole other league, it wouldn’t take anything away from the normal band. If anything, it would add more percussions to the band and improve their skills and technique by a LOOOOOOOOT.
But thanks for the advice everyone, I’m going to remove it and put ‘I would love to’ instead.
If it’s really that important to you, go somewhere that already has one. If a strong program appears to have a gap in their offerings, it’s probably there for a reason. My school, which has one of the best vocal programs in the country, doesn’t have a show choir. We haven’t had one in years, not because of lack of interest, but because having a show choir doesn’t mesh with the ideals and academic goals. The city has one, and students can stick around to be in it in the summer. We haven’t had a marching band since the late 70s or early 80s because the academic gains aren’t worth the hassle. Every year we got freshman who thought they were going to revive marching band, and every year it went nowhere. The people who were march-y mcbandpants people did DCI or worked at marching camps over the summers.
If you intend to be a music major, you may find that you have a lot less free time than you think. If you’re doing it right, you wouldn’t be able to start and manage a group alone. It’s a bigger time commitment than you think.
I think if you phrase your “want/plan/would like to” essay carefully, it might come off very well. I think the cynicism of most prior posters is more from the concern you will come off as arrogant than a true criticism of the idea in the abstract. If you do write this essay, shop it around to at least 3-4 different people to gauge the tone of your essay.
One thing this sort of essay allows you to do is to demonstrate that you have done your homework on all of the various clubs at the college, and therefore you are actually proposing to add something to the community. One of the worst things you could do is write an essay about founding a certain club, only for the AO to read it and say, “this applicant has no idea whether this school is a good fit or not, because we already have this club.”
Expressing a passion for a particular activity is rarely a bad idea. HOW you phrase it, though, is a delicate matter. Colleges want motivated, passionate students who will contribute to the community. As long as you stay on that side of the line, you are fine.