<p>I have not read the thread yet, but if you want to both save face and save privacy- create an uber limited friend category and limit what they can see. You can block friends posts and your posts both 
Sometimes when I there is something going on that I don’t want my in laws to know about, I go in and change people from that side of the family so they are uber limited for that week or two, so they cannot accidentally spill the beans!</p>
<p>BTW- my in lws adore me, but they have caused an immense amount of damage to my DH and stress in my life from their affect on him…even today, FIL managed to suck all the ebullient feelings out of the day with a single phone call.</p>
<p>But, whilst I chose to abide DHs wishes and do all I can to make the relationship as positive as possible yet also make sure he has realistic expectations of them and himself, I keep a very firm line drawn between us- they don’t know it is there, I do. I let go of the anger that makes my voice crack and makes me feel crazy, but I will still protect myself from being put in a position where it could happen again!</p>
<p>Hi YDS - just came across the thread and can SO relate. I’d love to know how things went. I’ve been married for almost 20 years and the in-laws are in the same town. From the outside, they are lovely people. But they just enjoy being mad a someone in the family at all times. So I learned that it also included me. I wish I could take back all the time I spent being mad at them for being mad at me for what appeared to be no reason. I have now just let it go. Musicamusica had the best advice.</p>
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<p>They are in mid-to-late 80’s and just when I thought they were mellowing…have not talked to my husband for 4 weeks. Stupid reasoning - won’t call him back.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, I have no warm feelings for them at all. none. Feel bad about it, but not so bad that I spend anytime worrying about it. I am kind, respectful, helpful. I am very aware that I never behave to my family as they have.</p>
<p>If anything, you are not alone! Let us know what happened.</p>
<p>See my update in post 40! I’m not surprised she brought it up, and she shouldn’t be surprised I didn’t back down. :)</p>
<p>Sometimes people like this are so impolite it forces the issue. My in-laws would have loved to be like the ones on Raymond, across the street…when we lived a mile or so from them, they stopped by with no notice all the time. It’s part of why we moved…500 miles away.</p>
<p>We won a cruise through business once and they booked themselves on the same cruise and were hurt that we did all the activities with our work group- the pre-scheduled activities- and ate with our work group. They thought it was just a peachy idea to join us on a cruise.</p>
<p>I find, now after 30 years of experience, that they are simply very immature and every single thing that happens on the planet is viewed by how it affects them. No one ever made a decision about anything that wasn’t because of them…they constantly get hurt feelings if not included in something (friends or family) without ever realising that people have other groups and other interests and leaving them out may not be a snub.</p>
<p>YDS- because we are physically far from the in laws, I can emotionally afford to be quite gracious, email all the time to keep them “in the loop” (to the degree I want ;)), but I really have to prime myself to keep the lines drawn with no emotional energy whenever we visit.</p>
<p>Sorry I missed your update. It fell at the bottom of my page and I did not see it.</p>
<p>somemom, that’s something – booking themselves on your cruise. Blech! What does your dh say?</p>
<p>here late but for what its worth I think you handled it well. I have a SIL who is impossible, and when I finally let go of it , it was so freeing. Your MIL knows the scoop she just isnt saying. You need to set up the boundries to protect yourself. I have finally decided its not all up to me “you reap what you sew”
That is nerve booking yourself on the same cruise.</p>
<p>Yeah, I took her pics from ds’s graduation, which she didn’t attend, and gave her a copy of his commencement program and a formal senior portrait, etc. I do all the bare minimum nice things you should do. :)</p>
<p>DH gets more frustrated with his parents than I do, they really are outrageous and the family & their friends all know it; it just took 25 years to hear it from their friends. Now we get the, “how do you put up with it” questions and it is rather freeing to know that I am not a bad DIL, they are odd people, even people who call themselves their friends and who have known them 30-40-50 years say so. It makes it much easier to be generoous of spirit knowing for certain that I am right and they are wrong :D</p>
<p>That’s how I feel, lol!!!</p>
<p>I might have a genuine panic attack if my inlaws - or my parents - booked themselves on the same cruise.</p>
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<p>To all self professed helicopter parents, will your kids feel this way about you in the future ?</p>
<p>My mom tried to book my brother, my husband, her caretaker, and me on a cruise with her once. One milligram of clonazepam later, I was breathing normally again…</p>
<p>(Oh, Mom’s not helicopter, she’s just crazy.)</p>
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<p>If I ever insenstive enough to book myself on someone else’s vacation without being asked, I will deserve to be shot down.</p>
<p>My MIL has, in some respects, illustrated exactly what NOT to do. I have, without telling them why, told my boys that I promise to be a good MIL to their future wives.</p>
<p>My in laws did generously invite the kids & grandkids on the Big Red Boat one time and that was ‘fine’ I mean we went into it knowing what would happen and there is strength in numbers, 3 families from our generation managed to diffuse much of the negative energy.</p>
<p>Vastly different than surprising us on our vacation, but it wasn’t event that, it was a trip we earned through doing enough business with a company. And there was a group of producers there from that company and company activities and company reps…so it was like they tried to join a business trip! Sad, thanks to all of you for commenting on it, it’s nice to hear that they are crazy!</p>