<p>The first place I learned to let go of anger and choose calm instead was in my car. I used to really get worked up during my commute. No more. As a result, I’m happier, and I haven’t gotten a speeding ticket in 21 years.:)</p>
<p>I don’t lose my cool often ( but* I am* a redhead 
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<p>I do regret getting angry sometimes- but most of the time I think it was understandable- like when I got mad at the nurse when my D was recovering from surgery ( she was in the NICU) & it was obvious she was in a lot of pain ( she was also intubated). I felt bad afterwards- but it was a stressful situation & I was also recovering from my own surgery. I also didn’t go as far as having a screaming fit- it was just clear that I was upset.</p>
<p>My preferred method of losing it, many years ago, was to throw glasses into the sink, where they would break with a satisfying crash. Over the years, I got rid of all three dozen wine glasses monogrammed with my husband’s last initial–a wedding present from my MIL, who hadn’t realized I wasn’t changing my name, and yelled at me when she found out. (It was a lovely rehearsal dinner, thank you, up to that point.)</p>
<p>That sounds fun- breaking things is so satisfying sometimes. ( but unfortunately most of the things I have broken over the years- I really didn’t mean to! :o )</p>
<p>I am usually a lot like robyrm2 when dealing with business or product related defects, mistakes , or mistreatment, but one time I got a tip from one of a company’s own reps, who told me that persistence and getting a little upset, but not over the top, would pay off with his higher ups. He actually told me that they are trained to blow you off unless you show that you are a force and are not going to go away. It worked!</p>
<p>Is it OK to lose your cool? In some cases I suppose … for other people. But losing my cool (i.e., saying stuff I normally wouldn’t say) has never aided me. A charade of “losing it” helped once, when a minor rental car company falsely claimed I had damaged their car. But that was just an act … and I only began ranting after they tried to defend their specious claim, and THEN threatened to sue me! But in every other case I simply got all worked up … and it didn’t do a thing except make me look ridiculous. So I vote for “calm and respectful” even when outrage is appropriate … because outrage is a tough sell.</p>
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<p>Totally agree as my father has a hair trigger temper that can be set off quite easily…especially when I was younger. After a while, I stopped taking him seriously and even developed a bit of contempt for anyone exhibiting that tendency as it shows a complete lack of control of emotions I’d expect as a minimal expectation for any adult…especially a well-educated cultured one. </p>
<p>Then again, people I respect the most tend to be those who are calm, collected, have their emotions under control, and are dedicated to trying to get stuff done to overcome the issue without the emotional drama…especially in situations where everything is going wrong. Someone who loses it almost always causes everyone…including him/herself to get so distracted that there’s serious problems with the last part. </p>
<p>However, deliberately losing your cool to send a strong message or trying to get something done after the calmer more reasonable approaches are exhausted can be very effective if judiciously used for the most egregiously unreasonable/horrid situations. </p>
<p>This judicious nature will make that “loss of cool” far more effective as I found when my own father was frightened when I deliberately went off on him once for almost jeopardizing an academic research project which could have derailed my undergrad academic career on account of his thoughtlessness despite reasonable prior notice. </p>
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<p>Dad used to do that as a part of his hair-trigger temper. As a result, I have tended to associate it with people who have little/no emotional self-control and from experiences with others who did this…people who aren’t respectful of other’s property. A reason why I no longer lend things to anyone I know who behaves in such a manner.</p>
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<p>How does one deal with passive-aggression? It’s been an issue as I tend to tackle problems/issues straight on…to the annoyance of passive-aggressive types IRL. It’s one reason why I minimize contact with certain acquaintances and older relatives.</p>
<p>Ah, those two Waterford wine glasses I slammed into the sink after Christmas Dinner were worth every penny. The family got my message–much better holidays since.</p>
<p>Re post 25 - in defense of my MIL (not a position I always take), those were her dishes she was hurling at the wall.</p>
<p>And, as my brother once said to my mother when she apologized for all the yelling when we were kids - “It was never unprovoked.” ;)</p>
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<p>As long as they have enough self-control to do it to their own property, that’s tolerable. From my own experiences and those of friends in lending stuff to those who behave this way, however, it is almost always the case in our experiences that such folks who do lose their cool by trashing things often forget to distinguish between their own property and those lent to them. </p>
<p>With one friend, he ended up losing a $200 set of imported DVDs because the friend he lent it to lost his cool and threw them against the wall sometime during that 2 week loan period. With me, it was a $1300 notebook computer on emergency loan for academic purposes for a grad student who was giving an academic presentation. When she lost her cool the night before she was to return it…ended up having to threaten a small claim court case and to tell her parents/academic advisor before she was willing to even acknowledge her responsibility in order to compensate me for the trashed notebook. Doesn’t inspire much confidence when someone returns shattered DVDs or a trashed notebook and act as if nothing happened…even after a first explanation is demanded. </p>
<p>Not surprisingly, we’re reluctant to lend to those who feel the need to vent their anger by trashing their own things violently.</p>
<p>People who hurl property can’t always be POSITIVE about what they’re throwing or trashing and also can’t be positive there isn’t collateral damage (e.g. to the wall, innocent bystanders, etc.) I would NOT loan ANYTHING to folks whom I had ever seen or heard damage property, even if its only their own!</p>
<p>1) I would never loan someone something I couldn’t afford to lose. I’ve had books out on loan for ten years or more.</p>
<p>2) What kind of person damages something belonging to someone else and doesn’t pay for a replacement?</p>
<p>DMD77…here’s story about breakage and loss…!</p>
<p>Many years ago I was having a ‘home party’… my husband called the stuff that was being sold ‘happy crap’ (it had some other sort of name, I forget it). Anyways, I had about 20 women in my house to look at pottery and cookware and other things which were going to revolutionize our cooking and entertaining. </p>
<p>I had a breakfront which had a top and bottom which (until that point) were not attached. I was in another room when I heard a crash from the dining room and when a got there the top half of the break front was crashed against the dining room table and most of the Orrefors crystal was shattered on the hardwood floors.</p>
<p>Believe it or not NO ONE claimed responsibility (all the people at the event were people I knew) for having leaned against the breakfront. The house was spacious and someone would have had to really have wanted to lean against it to find themselves there. I kept my cool. I figured someone would call the next day or insurance would cover (it didn’t). </p>
<p>Fast forward about a month later. The woman I carpooled with for preschool was to pick up the children after school. I got a panicked phone call from her “First I knocked over your breakfront and then I forgot to pick up your son at school!”-- She ‘confessed’, but never offered to pay… </p>
<p>What kind of person was she, well, as it happens she was British, but I don’t think that is the best adjective… we call that sort of inexcusable behavior (not always like this exactly, but certainly defying all general social rules of appropriateness) a ‘Regina’ in her honor in our home… to this day.</p>
<p>If she is on CC would she kindly send me a cheque for $1500 with interest.</p>
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<p>You’d be shocked at how many people never learned the adage “You break it, you bought it” or worse…felt it didn’t apply to them for some odd reason. It even extends to grad students at elite universities or fifty-something adults as my father experienced when a “friend” of the family first pretended she never borrowed a few books in question and then when her son found them…returned them in damaged condition. </p>
<p>I was fortunate in being able to get full compensation…though I had to resort to using threats of litigation and notifying her advisor/parents of the matter. </p>
<p>In the friend’s case…he ended up notifying the borrower’s parents and got immediate results…though that borrower(21 year old) tried to play the victim. :p</p>