<p>Ignatious: I think that it is a fair assumption that the D was partying. To the naive parents amongst us this means that she was drinking too. She was NOT discussing Proust. Kids do not discuss Proust late at night at a party, never have…well, perhaps in study group. But who among us adults, were we sick or exhausted, hasn’t been summoned for an emergency? Whether for our child(ren) or parents or friends, sick or drunk we somehow cleared our brain and did the right thing. It doesn’t matter if the girls were best friends or polite room mates. You show up. You do the right thing. And I agree that the OP’s daughter reflects the mother’s philosophy. And that is a shame.</p>
<p>As for the hospital: of course they shouldn’t have released the kid. But that, in my opinion, isn’t germane to the discussion.</p>
<p>Should she have left her roommate alone - no, but she probably has zero experience with identifying alcohol poisoning versus just being stupid drunk. Chances are that the daughter would have been in bigger trouble with her floor mates if she had reported the girls drinking to the RA.</p>
<p>“… even the adults don’t agree on this matter.”</p>
<p>Let’s see … pulled an unconscious man from the bottom of a swimming pool, rushed a severely allergic lady to the ER after she’d accidentally eaten some seafood, knocked an obstruction from a choking two-year-old. I never realized how WRONG I was living my life.</p>
<p>I don’t think adults disagree on whether people should look out for one another. And I think most adults wouldn’t categorize the OP’s daughter’s indifference as “OK” … much less “laudable.” I can’t help wondering what the OP would be saying if the daughter and roommate’s roles had been reversed, and it was her daughter who was sent to the ER and the roommate who partied on.</p>
<p>Not sure I understand your quote of me. What I meant is that as I read this thread I found there were different opinions of what her daughter should do. Her daughter’s actions pretty much reflected mom’s assessment of her responsibility. </p>
<p>My point was that I would hope that my daughter’s actions would reflect my thoughts on responsibility, which would include stopping to help someone I didn’t know, driving a homeless man to a shelter, etc., etc. I am hoping my daughter has been watching how I treat people and in a similar situation would have stayed behind. </p>
<p>AND - most importantly, if this roommate is drinking at a dangerous level regularly, I would hope that my DD would risk others being angry with her for reporting her to someone who might save her life. </p>
<p>On another note - someone mentioned how grateful they were that others on the floor cared for her daughter when she was ill - same here. When DD had swine flu, while health services brought food and checked on her, her roommate went out for gatorade, extra tissues, etc., etc. I bought a gift card at a nearby bagel shop just to say a little thank you.</p>
<p>But this is not the difference between OP’s daughter helping the roommate and NO ONE helping. It is the difference between daughter or a different girl helping. As long as someone did, I don’t see why everyone came down so hard on her.</p>
<p>Back when I was growing up if a kid was a jerk, the other kids on the playground would let the kid know he/she had to play by the rules by expressing what we/they thought the rules were. Nowadays, a lot of kids go from activity to activity and parents are highly involved in the whole peer thing and it isn’t til college that hey get on their own and get the rules explained.</p>
<p>So, the OPs D now knows. Be there! If you expect us to want to be your friend than you have to be a freind. That’s all. Next time, my guess is that she will show up when a friend is “in need.” College is a teaching experience and not just in the classroom. No big deal.</p>
<p>Actually, in my experience, kids learn best from mistakes anyway. Hopefully both girls learned something in this escapade. 1. Don’t drink so much. 2. Show up</p>
<p>Son of Opie: I think a lot of us realize that you, and others, don’t understand why we came down so hard on the OP and her D. It is a shame that you don’t get it. But here’s the thing: In a time of need there are people here would I would like to have in my corner and I hope that they would like me in their corner. Others: not so much.</p>
<p>I usually do not get this worked up over threads but - as Son of Opie pointed out - the girl was not left alone and she was escorted to the ER! OP’s D could not add to the care of this person! Was she supposed to go to ER just so it would look good??
And now, another poster is suggesting that not only the OP’s D just a spoiled brat but she was drinking as well? Good Lord!!</p>
<p>I am an inveterate worrier. I wouldnt even call it compassion, it runs deeper than that. </p>
<p>implies something other than…</p>
<p>“It’s a human being thing, you wouldn’t understand” . I feel like your saying to not feel the way you do, or respond the way you do, makes one inhuman.</p>
<p>All I’m saying, is that the roommate WAS being taken care of, from the sounds of it, and her leaving the party to attempt to visit- not for sure visit- roomie in the hospital would have been a symbolic gesture, no more. </p>
<p>Re:New Hope. I would hope that the daughter is a decent enough person to realize that it is her responsibility to help if there were no one else to help, BUT THERE WAS. If she had just written an address on the drunk girl’s forehead and thrown her in a cab, that’s one thing. Handing off to another person is not the same as leaving a girl passed out to die. Same way that you give CPR until someone relieves you.</p>
<p>I hate to prolong this debate. We each have our point of view, but one thing has struck me about the situation. It may be that the others were annoyed at OP’s daughter not as much for abandoning her roommate, but for abandoning the one girl who stayed with her</p>
<p>Long story short her roommate became difficult to handle almost immediately after getting on the bus to head out for the night- falling down, loud etc. It was obvious she could not continue to stay out and go the the Halloween party.</p>
<p>It was a lot of responsibility for the one girl who offered to take her back. I know when I am in an emergency situation, it makes it a lot easier to have someone else there to make decisions (should we call ambulance). </p>
<p>Anyway, I think Poetgrl has the right idea, let’s hope all of them learned a lesson from this and drink responsibly.</p>
<p>worknprogress, That was the point I was making, too. Maybe the girl stepped up and took responsibility only because no one else would and perhaps she and the other friends were resentful from the very beginning of the evening. This kind of reminds me of the time when a friend of mine took a seriously ill mutual friend to the ER - she was really mad at the husband whose attitude was the same - didn’t want to interrupt his day, doesn’t matter as long as she got there somehow. P.S. Not how friends or the wife felt afterwards.</p>
<p>.24??? Woah. Good thing the roommate was taken to the hospital. Good for the young woman who volunteered to take the roommate home, and then ended spending the entire evening babysitting her, finally taking her to the hospital, while everyone else was partying. She must have been frightened and uncertain… at least, I would have been, if I had to make the decision to call the ambulance.</p>
<p>OP-
Did you tell us if your d’s roommate was helpful to her during her 2 week illness? While I am not suggesting a tit-for-tat response from your daughter, it may have set a precidence of how they care for each other/help each other. If your d’s roommate was a total selfish porkface and didn’t offer your d any assistance during her illness, I can understand why your d might not feel drawn or compelled to be her good samaritan. However, if d’s roommate was kind, offered to bring in food, checked on her, etc, then your d should have returned the kindness, even if the roommate was drunk and obnoxious. It doesn’t sound like they are the best of friends (eg, as they said in “sex and the city”, the one who holds your hair while you puke) but still, in this situation she probably should have stepped up to the plate, especially when it became an emergency. If the tables were turned, she’d probably have wanted her roommate to show she cared. Sure the Halloween party was fun, and sure, she wanted to have fun after being sick, and sure the roommate spoiled it, but when she looks back on it, it was just a party, but her roommie had an emergency. </p>
<p>I don’t think that in this instance her being there is at all enabling her. However, if this alcohol consumption became a consistent problem, and your d was turning in roommies HW for her and giver her copies of class notes so roommie could sleep in, THAT’S enabling behavior.</p>
<p>I checked out a BAC calculator, just because I was wondering how much this roommate was drinking. For a young woman who weighs around 115 pounds, five shots in an hour will result in a BAC around .24, a level of alchohol that can be life-threatening, as it was in this case. Warn your daughters that pre-gaming this way can easily put them in the hospital… or in a cemetery. </p>
<p>Women are more affected by alcohol than men. A 160 pound woman will get a BAC of .24 with seven drinks; a 160 pound young man will take about nine shots to get a BAC around .24.</p>
<p>Yes Shrinkrap, I do believe that when one shackles a natural altruistic response they are behaving less than human.Some of us believe that altruism is natural. At least for myself, it IS natural. Obviously for others, not so much. But I did not say that if someone does not behave exactly like me that they are "inhuman. "
Granted, when I drove home on the freeway tonight it seemed that I was sharing the road with a herd of rabid apes…</p>
<p>This question has been raised: “Would the doctor even allowed the daughter to visit the roommate anyway (considering she is not a family member)?”</p>
<p>ER/ICU nurse here
It’s not really about having visitors. It’s about having a reliable historian. We can access when somebody’s drunk but we don’t what else went on that may need attention unless somebody who was there can give a history of the evening events.</p>