<p>My D roommate had too much to drink prior to going out on Halloween. (yes they are underage and they drink. Not thrilled about it but realistic.) D did not drink that night because she has been ill with the flu and was still on medication. Long story short her roommate became difficult to handle almost immediately after getting on the bus to head out for the night- falling down, loud etc. It was obvious she could not continue to stay out and go the the Halloween party. One of the girls offered to take her back to the dorm and my D and a few other friends continued on to the party. About 2 hours later (1am) they received a text message from someone in their dorm saying the roommate was taken to the hospital (via ambulance) with alcohol poisoning. My daughter was having a great time at the party and decided not to rush back to the dorm. She figured there was nothing she could do at that point. About 1 1/2 hours later she arrived back at her dorm only to be confronted by a group of girls who came down on her for not being there to help her roommate out. They said some pretty nasty things to her and one of the guys on her floor smashed a pumpkin on the floor in her room. Basically they felt it was her responsibility to care for her drunk roommate. So…where does D responsibility end? D did not supply the alcohol, did not drink with this girl (this time) and wanted to enjoy her Halloween after being sick for nearly 2 weeks. I think if these kids want to to upset with someone they should be upset with the roommate. Unfortunately- my D feels horrible and is not the most popular kid in the dorm at this point. The drunk?- nobody feels anything but sorry for her!<br>
I told my D that taking care of a drunk is not in her job description and these girls were angry because they got stuck caring for this girl. The roommate came back home via taxi from the hospital at around 5am. So where does D responsibility to a girl she’s know for 10 weeks begin and end??</p>
<p>I agree. She’s not a babysitter for a girl that’s too dumb to hold her liquor.</p>
<p>No, it’s not her liability. I think that the other students are just trying to place blame on someone. That’s typically what happens when an unfortunate event occurs. The other students feel bad for not being able to alternate the fate of the other girl, so they compensate for this by placing blame on someone else. It’s not very appeasing to be the one the blame is placed upon, but she has to realize that it’s not her fault.</p>
<p>Your daughter’s roommate needed her and your daughter decided to not help. I’m sorry but roommates are supposed to take care of each other. Unwritten rule.</p>
<p>Of course, this brings up he horror of kids dying because someone(s) just put them on a couch and left them and they died, or left them in their room stepped over them and they died- check out the the movie Haze- Gordie Bailey’s story- it could be any of our kids in college, both drinking too much or leaving the intoxicated person to fend for themselves. Personally, I have discussed this in depth with S. -no leaving anyone if there is any concern about how much they have drank- no leaving anyone who is passed out. And certainly no dropping them of at the emergency door an leaving as is often the case.</p>
<p>Well, I can think of a few things:
- Your D’s presence would not have affected the outcome of the evening.
- Your D will unfortunately just have to wait this one out.
- The next time the roomie overdoes it, I believe not many floormates will come to the (sortof) rescue. No one stayed at the hospital with her? It’s not as if they inconvenienced themselves on RM’s account.</p>
<p>^^Ok, but she said that another friend offered and eventually did take her back to her dorm. Wouldn’t it then be the other friend’s responsibility?</p>
<p>OP, your job is to listen, to be sympathetic and supportive. It is not your job to try to find a solution to this issue and certainly not a solution offered by those who respond to this thread. Stay out of the solution mode and both you and your D will be better off for it.</p>
<p>Agree with edad…give her a hug. By this time next week, it will be someone’s else’s turn.</p>
<p>If the version you have heard are the facts, then I’d vote for her not being responsible. If there is more to the story or a somewhat different version of what transpired, then perhaps. The version the finger pointers have is probably somewhat different than the one your daughter holds. And all can be telling the truth as they know it.</p>
<p>I’ve had to deal with tons and tons of conflicts among undergraduates. There are always multiple versions of the exact same reality. Each side makes a very convincing case, one they truly believe to be true. This sure sounds like one of those conflicts.</p>
<p>So who knows what really happened and who is responsible? Of course you believe in and support your daughter (I would!), but these conflicts can be so complex and ambiguous (esp when we are outside of them). Butit’s important for us to be supportive and sympathetic, yet not get emotionally involved (if possible).</p>
<p>Agree that you let your daughter and roommate work it out. However, you posted that others were very upset at your daughter’s actions. She’ll just have to defend herself and hope they forgive her.</p>
<p>We can argue forever about whether or not your daughter should have taken responsibility for her roommate that night.</p>
<p>But that’s not really the situation right now. The most immediate problem is that your daughter – whether or not her choice was reasonable – may find herself living in a hostile environment. If the nasty stuff from her neighbors continues, or if her roommate no longer wants to live with her, she may want to talk to the housing people about a room change, perhaps for next semester.</p>
<p>I could see why other kids are upset with your daughter. Whether your daughter drank with her roommate or not, in college those kids do feel roommate is as close as family, unless it is very well understood there is no relationship. Obviously kids in the dorm thought your daughter was close enough to the roommate to be notified when the roommate was taken to the hospital(maybe it was a wrong perception). For your daughter to continue to party and to ignore her roommate in the hospital, I think it goes against what college kids believe to be acceptable. I was not very close with my roommate in college (I don’t think I even liked her), but I would feel responsible for her if she ended up in the hospital. I would feel to be the closest person to notify her parents and professors, get homework assignments, get food or medicine for her. </p>
<p>You have to remember those kids are away from home, all they have are each other. They depend on each other when they are sick or any emotion problem. Right or wrong, it is no unusual to expect roommates to take care of each other.</p>
<p>If it was my daughter, I would have asked why she didn’t have more compassion for someone she lived with. I wouldn’t want want my daughter to get drunk like that, but it would have made me feel very sad to know her roommate had continued to party while she was taken away in an ambulance.</p>
<p>the girl who offered to go back to the dorm with the roommate went with her to the hospital. She left after the roommate was settled.<br>
Hopefully this girl has learned her lesson and there won’t be any need for anyone to be responsible for her other than herself. D would not have left this girl on her own- someone else was willing to help her out. As time went on she began vomiting and became less responsive.<br>
Hostility seems to have blown over. Roommate was never upset with D- just embarrassed and felt bad that D was getting so beat up by others. BTW- blood alcohol level was .24
Thank God this kid is OK- maybe they will all think twice before starting the party prior leaving the dorm and tempering it once the real party begins. Give me strength!</p>
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<p>This kind of “pre-partying” is very common among underage drinkers. They worry that they might not be able to drink once they arrive at the (frat, club, whatever) so they get pretty drunk before-hand to hold them over. Something to talk with your own kids about…</p>
<p>Speaking as a college student who is rooming with some very close friends.</p>
<p>On the one hand, we are not our roommates’ mother.</p>
<p>On the other hand, they should have someone to look out for them when they make a stupid mistake such as pre-gaming.</p>
<p>On yet another hand, the friend took her back to the dorm and should have stayed for a while to watch out for her.</p>
<p>The girls are playing “the blame game”, as others have said. It’s nasty now, but tell your D to tell them this:</p>
<p>“I am not <em>insert roommate’s name here</em>'s mother. She made an unwise decision and while I am very sorry that she got sick, it is not my responsibility to make sure that she is healthy. And if she is fine now, it is more appropriate to be concerned with getting her help so that she does not make the same mistake again.”</p>
<p>What I would say. But that’s just me.</p>
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<p>I find it sad that someone could receive such a text message and yet continue “having a great time at the party.”</p>
<p>What kind of responsibility are we talking about in regards to your daughter: moral, ethical or human? If you saw a stranger in trouble in the street on the way to a party would you stop and help them…or keep walking? If you knew someone was hurt and you could help, but were having a lovely dinner out at a restaurant, would you stop and help…or continue eating? If someone you knew got in trouble, despite the fact that it was/is illegal to drink would you ignore it? Or…if it were your daughter lying in a dorm room alone and sick and probably afraid and HER roommate didn’t help how would you feel?</p>
<p>Personally, I would be appalled if one of my children had a friend in trouble and they continued to party and not feel guilt. I would also question my behavior about being upset because she was confronted by those with a different moral compass. I am self editing my next comment because it is very strongly felt. But I think you get my gist.</p>
<p>My D’s friends have a “no girl left behind” policy, which she has said is sometimes a bummer…but…it’s the policy.</p>
<p>OTOH, the roommate was not “left behind” so the safety rules were observed. Still, a
.24??? is a big red flag, and I hope the school requires alcohol counseling in an overdose case like this. For everyone’s sake.</p>
<p>Why didn’t the girl who took the roommmate back to the dorm stay with her? I would think the last girl to leave would be the guilty party.</p>