@Dankjewel - Hating the administration, and complaining about how the calibre of the students has declined, is pretty typical faculty behavior. Even at the very "best"institutions that kind of whining goes on, much as it goes on in most other workplaces. Don’t take it as a sign that this particular institution is no good. If it truly were awful, they would be leaving the profession entirely, and would be looking for jobs in industry.
I realize after hearing this, I was pretty myopic. Deepest apologies
Wow! I am not Korean but I have a number of Korean (and other Asian) friends and I have never heard any of them speak in such derogatory terms about a college. I think that OP is immature and lacks social tact or, perhaps, he has difficulty expressing himself in writing. It is sad that he lost a friend over this.
That said, it is fine to hold an opinion that is not favorable about a college or anything else. I, personally, think that everything that has gone on at Penn State for the past 5 years or so is horrific and I refused to permit any of my children to apply there. The excellence of some programs and the strong alumni network don’t outweigh other issues, for me. If someone asks my opinion, I will give it, but I would never question any other person’s decision to send their child there. It’s none of my business, just as JMU or anything else isn’t OP’s business.
@techmom99 Amongst themselves? Nah, not at all. It’s far worst when they talk, “amongst themselves” and that’s even on my standards
You’re misunderstanding. People talk about colleges all the time. What’s frowned on is being condescending, unkind and unpleasant.
Don’t criticize other people’s choices. People vary in academic ability, interest in school, financial wherewithal and a million other things that affect their choices.
If a good friend, someone who knows you like him and care about him genuinely seems to be settling for less academic challenge than he’s capable of and you think it’s because he doesn’t know that Stanford would be a better fit for him than Joe’s Garage and Diploma Mill, then you can politely point it out. Otherwise, why the compelling need to comment on other people’s choices?
You can say that you want to go to a school that will be academically challenging. You can say that frats aren’t your thing. You can say that you value the academic and social experience you will have at a competcollege. Unless you’re a shoo in for Princeton, try not to throw around terms like “the best” unless it’s in the context of “the best I can do.”
And by the way, your teachers aren’t completely wrong. I’m a big believer in really smart kids going to colleges filled with other really smart kids. I think it’s a valuable experience. But research shows that which college you go to makes very little difference in future career success. Harvard alums are successful because of the kind of people who get admitted to Harvard, not because of anything that happens at Harvard. People admitted to tippy top schools and other, less competitive schools who choose the less competitive schools (Yes, some people do this. Yes, there can be good reasons.) tend to do as well professionally as the people who chose the tippy top school.
Be nice. Believe it or not, colleges actually value that.
Didn’t you just answer your own question then? I have never heard of it being taboo to talk about colleges. However, when you’re insulting them and being condescending, like you are, you are going to get negative reactions. Also, you’re generalizing schools. Schools can have a prominent social scene or “party culture” but can still be very good academically (ex: Dartmouth).
Also keep in mind different peoples temperments and what type of environment they thrive in. A highly stressed competitive environment would be poison to my younger kid. She is very smart but doesnt like being worked at the point of being overwhelmed and to be afraid of getting sick. That is fine. She is getting a good degree and is building her career. Most importantly she is happy.
There is also a strong argument for being the big fish in the academic pond. That student is more likely to get offered special opportunities and research projects which lead to outstanding recommendations for grad school and summer internships.
In addition to the money consideration, these are some of the calculations families work through to find the best fit for that one individual.
Ultimately the onus is on the student to make the most of their education and to search out the internships. No college or university is going to hand either to the student.
There is a valid point in this thread: that teachers/guidance/counsellors do not push student to reach high(er) and explore greater opportunities. Without fail, guidance people push students at D’s school to three state universities. When D asked about a WashU, his response was “no one from here has ever gone there.” No encouragement whatsoever. When she mentioned Tulane, he thought it was in Florida!
“Asian culture”, really? From Korea to Vietnam, Myanmar to India, Japan and China, etc., etc., there is a common identifying culture?
" I told her to, "have more ambition! I mean, that school for once, is a notorious party school. You can do better than the peasants there.
What incredible nerve. You’re referring to students, the children of other parents, as “peasants” because you’re not impressed with the school they’ve chosen?
I hope that your own children meet each and every one of your expectations for the rest of your life. I would hate to imagine what you would call them if they chose not to.
And the expression “no offense” usually means: “I’m about to offend you. I just hope you’re not smart enough to realize it.”
No offense.
Yes, unless someone asks for your honest opinion on different colleges, your go-to statement should be one of support. Say something nice. Remember that a school you consider to be a consolation prize or beneath you could be someone’s dream school. My DS was accepted into a rolling EA at a Regional U. Many of my friends’ children either go to this school or are considering it as an option for their children I was always very careful to not call the school our safety, instead when asked about DS’ admission I would say how happy we were to have such a great option so early in this process. When asked about State schools that neither DD or DS will apply to, I am always careful to say it has - fill in something good about the school - even if it’s “they have great school spirit there!” but it’s just not a fit for DD/DS. This was a true statement because it took some of the stress off of us while waiting for our ED decision.
OP should apologize to this former friend. And run a check on his humility. Then, keep his nose out of other people’s choices.
Even if asked, we try not to willingly break a friend’s spirit. Not even when we are experts.
I’ve learned a lot just from parenting a kid from sophomore year into junior year. When I started looking at colleges for the kiddo, all I knew was that he had great grades and would probably get good test scores because he’s quite smart, and he is passionate about his extracurriculars so he’ll get good recommendations through that.
We talked about schools, I told him about the best schools. We visited some of these schools, he loved a bunch of them.
Then I started looking at the results threads on CC. Next time you start feeling snooty about kids who didn’t get into ‘top’ colleges, OP, take a look at the SCEA results thread and the statistics of some of the kids who didn’t get in. HYPSM reject kids with perfect SAT scores and 4.0 GPAs all the time.
Now when friends and family ask about college lists I regret saying what colleges the kid loved. Sure, he loves them, but if he doesn’t get in then friends and relatives will be rubbing salt in the wounds with every question about his applications.
When you’re in the process of applying, it is worth it to invest a bit of emotional energy into being content with your safety school. Find a place that you could spend four years, learn something, maybe save your parents some money because of the merit scholarships they give you. Get excited about going there, and treat your applications to the big name schools like lottery tickets. Sure, it would be nice if you hit the lottery but don’t bank your self-image on it.
If you are the sort of person who insults something when someone you supposedly care about says that they like it, I don’t see how you will have many friends as you get older, or a healthy romantic relationship. Still, high school is a place to learn things that they don’t test on the SATs. Consider learning from this experience.
Just want to add one more thing for you to consider -
Some of these lower ranked large universities have marquee programs that are outstanding. For example, my daughter was looking for colleges with strong ecology programs. JMU was one of the ones with a very attractive program and opportunities. Others may stand out for a particular branch of engineering or connections to industry (example Alabama-Huntsville.) A university’s overall ACT may mean squat when trying to get into one of these programs.
I really do believe this is a cultural difference. In certain cultures it is normal to bluntly state very negative opinions. I am African-American and have noticed this in some Africans and in some Asians, as well. Opinions that I am shocked someone would dare say out loud are stated very plainly just as one would comment on the weather.
OP, this is a learning lesson to you to tone it down when you’re with your American friends. Instead of, “Are you serious? That’s a party school. Why would any parent with a brain send a smart child there?” Try something like, “I’ve heard that school has a reputation for partying. Does that concern you?”
Don’t be so naive, insecure, and rude pretty much covers it.
This is the oddest thread. Not sure where it can go from here.
I would keep the partying rep to myself, unless asked. So, “JMU, great!” and find something nice to say. Like this, which is absolutely true: students I know lovvve JMU.
Only after that and if pressed, I might ask if there 's something particular about it that attracts her.
Cadreamin is right. We’re going in circles now.
Who cares if many kids at a college parties a lot? Different strokes for different folks. That’s good if you focus on studies because if everyone studies hard, you might not get all that good grades. Besides, even at colleges known for many parties, you can always get a good education if you are academically motivated. Also, your professors might like you more because you are more serious about studies than other students.
The Asian community I am in - relatives, friends, and friends of relatives - talks a lot about college. But to this date, I have never heard anyone denouncing any college where someone else is applying or attending, although there are very rare instance of mindfully and tactfully suggesting for bigger ambition. You can criticize the college yourself is attending, based on the first hand experience you had. Even then, it should be based on the facts and not condescending personal opinions. The Asians I know have cultural reverence on higher learning institutions and their faculty.
MODERATOR’S NOTE: Closing thread because it’s gotten repetitive.