I only dress up for events (prom, weddings, performances for concert band,bar mitzvahs, etc.) If Im going to a nice steakhouse Ill put on a polo and some cargo pants or jeans.
of course jeans are acceptable for Wild Ginger. And nice shorts may be. Gym shorts are neither of those things!
“Seems like many people here would be horrified if they visited a place like Hawaii, where lots of people walking around or eating in restaurants look like they just came from the beach (because many of them actually did just come from the beach), wearing tank tops, board shorts, and flip flops (the $2 kind).”
@@. No, we wouldn’t be horrified, because we GET that it’s a summer resort area where people go straight from the beach and perhaps throw on a coverup and flip flops and grab a bite to eat. What that has to do with urban dining is precisely … Nothing.
When we go to family camp in northern Minnesota, we are in clothing that is downright scruffy (since the intent is that we wear our old clothing and throw it away at the end of the trip), But what I wear in the (let’s face it, not exactly thriving) metropolis of Bemidji, MN when we are standing outside at the Dairy Queen has absolutely nothing to do with what i would wear to go to a casual Thai restaurant at home. it can be casual! I am casual! But gym shorts, to me, aren’t appropriate to go to dinner. Longer shorts may very well be. Jeans certainly are. And jeans are, gasp, casual.
I am going to a barbecue tonight which a friend is hosting as a go-away party for her S who is going off to college (maybe I should find a forum about colleges; anyone know any?). Now. I’ll be casual because I expect to be outdoors, the food will likely be messy finger food (burgers or ribs or pizza or some such), paper plates and maybe ill wind up sitting on the grass or something. But I’m still not wearing gym shorts! I can do better, so I will. I’ll wear knee length shorts with a little tee and decent sandals. Just as comfy and yet more like an actual grownup. My daughter will likely wear shorter shorts - just not gym shorts. I would guess my H and S will wear cargo shorts or jeans. We don’t need to look like we are coming from or going to the gym, since we are not.
"To this kid there were not exercise shorts and she wasn’t straight from the gym. They were, to her, just normal shorts. "
Right, because no one clued her in!
Romani, you had a lovely outdoor wedding. Since it was more casual and on the lake, it’s possible people wore nice shorts and tops and that could have been appropriate in the context. Did anyone wear gym shorts? I’m guessing not. Because people know the difference between gym shorts and regular shorts!!
“The only other option would have been for the family to beg off from the invitation and get take out on their own. Should they have declined the invitation or left their D at the hotel while they went to drinks and dinner alone with OP?”
Of course not! But that’s why you plan ahead of time. If she’d had a light jacket or sweater to put over her t-shirt, she could have looked fine and gotten away with the gym shorts. If she’d had a pair of jeans or a nice pair of shorts to throw on, she’d have been fine. This is part of the process of moving from “child who thinks only about the immediate” to “grownup who thinks ahead.” That’s all.
It would be interesting to know how the girl reacted. Did she think - oops, it probably would have been a good idea to have had a decent pair of shorts or jeans with me? Or was she oblivious and didn’t recognize that she didn’t prepare for a reasonable eventuality?
Op,
I haven’t read all of the posts, so if this is a repeat of what others have said, I apologize.
Sounds like this girl brought 3 tshirts and 2 pairs of gym shorts for her 2 day orientation and flight. Pretty casual but still within reason. Sounds like you tossed in an impromptu dinner. Her options would be to go to a store to buy a dressier outfit to wear to dinner, decline, or arrive in what she brought.
As a parent (even from so cal), I make my family bring 1 reasonably dressy outfit just in case, but maybe other parents are not as micromanaging, esp for a 2 trip.
It’s not even “reasonably dressy.” Just something that is more versatile than gym shorts. Heck, cargo shorts would have solved the issue.
And I can “argue” this at the same time believing it’s not a big deal in any greater scheme of things, unlike some on here who must think I’m about to stone the girl. It’s just a decision not fully thought through. Like many things. Oh well, not perfect. The kid didn’t know gym shorts aren’t really acceptable for dinner. Now she knows.
We were invited to a Bat Mitzvah and the invitation stated “really casual”. I had never seen that before. “Dressy casual” yes, but not “really casual”. Because the invitation was also stamped with cowboy boots motifs, I thought it meant jeans.
I don’t do jeans.
So I wore black slacks and a nice top.
Turns out I was underdressed. Women wore tight fitting short dresses with plunging fronts and backs. I just don’t understand the “really casual” qualifier. Is it being used instead of “dressy casual” of yesteryear?
" I think both could have been dressed nicer but they are adults. They do both know how to clean up when they need to."
I think there are some posters on here who think it a mark of virtue that they never “clean up” or who pride themselves on being so oblivious to shallow fashion concerns that they never recognize an occasion in which "cleaning up"is necessary. Maybe mowing the lawn, walking the dog, getting the mail, painting the house, going to McDonald’s, running errands, going out with friends, going to grandma’s house for Thanksgiving dinner are all the same. Private body parts covered and that’s all that need be considered!
“I have no problem with pajama pants on a plane or in a fast food type place.”
My kids wear pajama pants all the time – at home. If we were to go out to eat – even a casual diner which is where we normally go – they’ve Internalized “go put on some real pants” which of course 99% of the time would be jeans. I think it’s slovenly to wear pajama pants, though at the same time I don’t waste my time getting “offended” like ucb claims. Not my problem or concern.
I don’t know how you reach that conclusion based on the facts presented. It seems like there are at least three possibilities:
- The kid knew gym shorts are not appropriate for a Thai restaurant but wasn't planning to go to one. There are no lessons learned here abt what's appropriate for dinner (though if she prefers Thai to burgers there may have been slight lessons learned about packing).
- The kid thought that gym shorts were perfectly appropriate for a Thai restaurant but the OP schooled her. Now she knows.
- The kid thought and continues to think that gym shorts are perfectly appropriate for a Thai restaurant but has leaned that OP disagrees with her.
It seems to me that 1 & 3 are at least as likely as 2!
Haha ok you’ve got a point!
Anyway we can all debate this while agreeing it’s not the end of the world – right?
Wow, we are having a 25-page long conversation because a kid wore a pair of nike shorts to a “casual” restaurant?
"As someone who goes to Thai restaurants all over the US, insert triple eye roll that one dresses up to eat Thai
It must be more of a regional thing, as I wouldn’t consider dressing up for Thai or burgers."
Insert quadruple eye roll that something other than gym shorts constitutes “dressing up.”
“Wow, we are having a 25-page long conversation because a kid wore a pair of nike shorts to a “casual” restaurant?”
Yes, because opinions differ. Some people here were brought up that everything goes everywhere and others were brought up that in general, gym shorts are for the gym / physical activity, not a restaurant. Easy peasy.
Cultural differences are interesting. When D was training, she would wear her practice clothes to and from the rink (usually leggings and short sleeved top from Lucy and a well-fitting athletic jacket or fleece. In winter she might add a coordinated hat and scarf). Her American training mates did the same. Her European training mates wore street clothes to and from the rink and would change into their practice clothes there–even if they weren’t stopping anywhere else in the way to the rink or on the way home. On the other hand, her Russian training mates were perfectly comfortable changing their clothes in the lobby. Management put a stop to that.
Oh, Igloo, there are whole dimensions of this story that we haven’t even touched yet.
I, for one, would like to consider this story from the point of view of the kid’s poor mother. As the parent of a kid who might think it would be way cooler to show up at orientation with a only a spare pair of gym shorts in her Fjallraven backpack than to pack a spare pair of jeans just in case, I feel for the mom. The fact that the OP knows exactly how many spare pairs and shorts and tee-shirts the girl brought with her tells me that the mom was likely not on board with this plan.
When I try to explain to my daughter that it embarrasses me when she’s underdressed, she trots out the stories of other girls she knows at her school who are true embarrassments to their mothers to put things in perspective.
The story that really gets me to shut up: Apparently there’s a trend among some college-aged young women to grow out their armpit hair and dye it blue. Yes, she assures me, this is really a thing.
Makes me thank my lucky stars for gym shorts at the dinner table.
Standards change. In 1980 my mother-in-law was very distressed I wore pants to a nice restaurant. They were Evan Picone lined charcoal wool with a matching blazer and silk blouse, Etienne Aigner shoes and bag. Pearls. It seemed to me a very conservative look. In her mind, pants were inappropriate for restaurants and it hadn’t been that long they had even been allowed. Surely someone besides me remembers stories of pantsuit wearing celebrities in the 60s and 70s refused entrance to nice restaurants and going to the ladies room, removing the pants, and entering the restaurant in a mini dress. I remember the women in my family debating whether pant suits (never mind jeans!) were acceptable for plane travel. Look how we travel these days.
It seems to me in some areas of the country it is now appropriate to wear (clean, fancy) athletic wear to nice restaurants, especially for young women. The athletic wear seems to have as little to do with actual athletics as blue jeans have to do with ranch work. My mother-in-law is rolling over in her grave about the skinny jeans and cute flats. But PG is absolutely correct. They are mainstream acceptable these days. I imagine the athletic wear will be mainstream acceptable in a few more years. It’s a trend I’ll be watching to see after this thread.
I still follow the advice of my mother and grandmothers and always pack something appropriate to wear to a funeral, “just in case” because if you are traveling and something happens you don’t want to have to shop. I really should investigate the roots of that particular family cultural norm. These days I see shorts at funerals. I don’t believe I’ve seen athletic wear yet at a funeral. It will not bother me when it happens.
Seems like the attitude is that any physical activity is to be kept hidden, or compartmentalized. Dressier clothing used to mean that one did not have a physical labor (“lower class”) job. Perhaps now, even casual clothing is meant to signal that one is not doing anything physical.