Is it just me or is everyone gone around the bend with "casual"

Parent Cafe
381

I agree that this is much ado about nothing. If the girl was comfortable in the clothes she brought, so be it. It isnt all about the family who hosted her and made an impromptu plan (later changed) to go to a casual restaurant. Why should the OP be embarassed at all? its not about her nor IMO does it reflect on her at all.

My s got married a few weeks ago. Fri night dinner, which we hosted, was a bbq. Invitation said casual. People wore jeans, including us, the hosts. Sat breakfast for those staying on property was outdoors and just after the morning yoga they’d offered. So some were in their yoga clothes. Was totally fine. Who really cares about this stuff? 376 posts about this?? Lets talk about the Change in the FAFSA calculation, reducing asset protection.

382

Oh, that’s a new hippy thing apparently, let it grow. Miley Cyrus posted hers dyed pink.

383

Sigh. No, that’s not it at all. You’re always so literal you miss social nuance. Trust me, there are plenty of well to do housewives where a steady day of yoga, Pilates, barre class, tennis, etc is quite prestigious, and having the leisure time to do so is quite apparent and not hidden at all. Lululemon and Athleta clothing is plenty status-y in some circles. You’re completely off the mark of you think that it’s a signal of “something to hide or be ashamed of.” Indeed, people wear casual Lululemon jackets when they aren’t necessarily working out.

This isn’t about “hiding” being physically active. Its just about occasions. A swim suit is fine for the pool but I don’t wear it to dinner.

384

jym indeed! Congrats on your S’s wedding btw. There’s only one kid underdressed in the company of 4 well dressed grownups. One could easily overlook it. I pick my battles with my kid. How to dress when she was 18 was the last thing I’d fight over.

385

Alh - great observations. You’re absolutely right. I absolutely agree standards have changed - after all, the business dress of the 80s is no more, skinny jeans and flats are acceptable in all but the highest of restaurants, and men can easily get away not wearing jackets and ties. I’m still not convinced gym shorts belong in restaurants, though other shorts can and do. But we shall see!

And ha, I remember when a woman wearing pants to work was scandalous! Lol

386

I think the type of restaurant matters too. I’d wear a sweatshirt and jeans to a diner, but not to a nicer Italian or Thai restaurant. It’s all about context. Some people on here see context and others don’t.

387

I haven’t read the life skills thread all the way through, but young people need to learn to dress for an occasion. Clothes do not have to be expensive just appropriate and clean.Even in today’s "casual world’ .

388

I don’t see anything embarrassed sounding in what the OP wrote. Not one word. She made a suggestion and changed it…so what? Why would that denote embarrassment. She simply choose another more suitable place given the circumstances.

389

Personally if I were in that situation and thought it a real possibility the desired restaurant might turn us away - I might have handed the girl a sweater and said put that on over your shirt, maybe they won’t notice the gym shorts (if there were a concern that the restaurant wouldn’t let them in), or “crowded around her” so the hostess didn’t notice. I wouldn’t shame her for the gym shorts. People make honest mistakes!

390

So people admit they send out invitations that include the word “casual,” and then belittle those who care what people wear, by saying “Who cares about this stuff?” Why not write “wear whatever you want, I couldn’t care less” on the invitation? That would be how you feel, right?

391

We are not talking about a wedding here…or an event to which written invitations were sent. We are talking about an impromptu invitation to a restaurant.

I just asked my daughter what she would wear to orientation. Her response “mom, there is NO dress code for orientation.” She worked orientation events at her college…

Im not seeing the big deal here. The hosts and family if the girl found another choice of restaurant that worked. Done.

392

thumper,
Obviously the OP wasn’t done with it if she posted about it here for people to read and comment.

I will never understand posters who think they can proclaim when a scenario is resolved for everyone, or when a thread should be closed.

393

What I find fascinating about this thread is the theme that keeps popping up that the difference in people’s opinion is based on how they were brought up or how they themselves choose to dress or where they live or work.

Personally, I was brought up in a different culture where you always dress up/look ‘nice’. As As I mentioned, in real life, I still enjoy wearing dresses, even though I will wear t-shirts too too nowadays and Tevas- basically just what I feel like - but the point is I can dress well, if I choose - I get complimented on my style/outfits, especially at work, where we do have a dress code. Live and especially work in an environment where dress is considered super important (don’t agree with that, but it is what it it). Despite all this, I still am firmly in the camp that there was nothing wrong with what the girl wore, or more accurately that it just doesn’t matter for a non-professional dinner in a non-Michelin-star restaurant with no dress code. You don’t have to make those clothing choices yourself (although I absolutely have gone to a sit-down restaurant in running shorts after a race) to want other people to be able to make them.

394

IMO the lesson is if people are visiting and you want to take them a place that has any type of dress code, let them know before they pack – once they arrive it is too late to make a change. My D does like to dress nicely, but she has gone away for certain weekends with a backpack of only very casual things when she felt that was appropriate (ex. going overnight to attend a friend’s pool party). If the parents sprung a nice dinner on her, she would have been “stuck” for something to wear despite the fact that her closet has a number of perfectly nice sundresses just sitting there.

In this case I hope the OP enjoyed her friends and their daughter – the restaurant is not nearly as important as the company.

395

"more accurately that it just doesn’t matter for a non-professional dinner in a non-Michelin-star restaurant with no dress code. "

The atmosphere of all non-Michelin-star restaurants is not all the same. My local ice cream shop or SBX is not the same as my local diner is not the same as a sit-down restaurant that may have dim lighting, flowers and tablecloths and attempt to offer a certain atmosphere. Just like my standards for getting the mail or letting the dog out aren’t my standards for meeting up with a girlfriend.

396

Maybe it has to do with what we all envisioned. I pictured a casual but somewhat chic Thai place. Maybe it’s a takeout place that has some seating too. Don’t know. But I had a certain mental image that called for something beyond gym shorts!

397

First off, OP is a seasoned poster. She’s not some newbie, unaware of the range of teen thinking. She changed her original plan but asked here about the mindset- and that’s what this thread has become. Ie, about our different thinking.

The more obvious division line is those of us who’ve been through “young adulthood” and more- and then those here who are still, in some sense, testing their own and others’ expectations. That’s not a critique of either side. Face it, we parents did the testing, too, and didn’t always understand our own parents’ perspective- or fought it. Been there. Most of us were not fuddy duddy conformists. In fact, our era was all about testing, eh?

To (some of) us, this is about what it means to be prepared, even minimally, with respect that it isn’t always all about “me” or what our home friends accept. To others, it’s about laissez-faire self-expression, no matter what.

But this isn’t an “in general.” It’s not about a quick run to the market or dinner after a game or a pizza run from the beach. OP described a particular context.

So I just asked D1 about gym shorts to the college and then a possible meet-up with other adults. She can’t understand why a kid would only take Nike gym shorts to orientation, considering she would be interfacing with adults there. “Was she meeting with professors?” (Apparently.) Like others here, she cited nicer shorts, in case. (I’m not sure my kids could identify linen shorts, but they know what’s a step up from gym wear.) And she said, what if it rained and/or got suddenly cold or was much cooler at night? (Not uncommon in the east, in summer.) Or if some event wasn’t just grabbing a sandwich from some pile? She pointed out that we might go to a nice lunch or dinner, even on a casual trip. Since this was in (or near) an urban location, she asked the “what if” we planned to do something else before going home?

You can take something one small step up. That doesn’t deny the girl her “rights” to define her own casual among casual peers, at casual events.

This isn’t world hunger. This is all very first world. But think abut your own mindsets, not to mention the endless excuses given here.

And no, we don’t know how fancy the Thai place was. Yes, what mattered more was connecting. But the question was about the youthful thinking.

edited typos

398

I find the occasional focus on the type of food odd–as if Thau food is always casual, or always dressy casual. Aside from maybe burgers or BBQ, I wouldn’t infer anything about the dress code or formality of a restaurant based in the type of cuisine. Surely there are home-in-the wall Thai places as well as slightly fancier ones. Particularly in a large urban area.

Even burgers-i would assume very casual was OK but there are a few upscale burger place so especially in a large city it might be fancier.

399

Actually, I think the OP’s main point was feeling disconnected with “young folk” or current thinking, not about the specific event. I’m not even sure fashion or clothing appropriateness was the issue. I saw someone who suddenly recognized her mother in herself - always a horrifying realization.

But, as she said, it’s interesting to see a thread take on a life of its own and it is kind of like playing “telephone”.

400

I don’t know how I have avoided this 27-page worthy topic, but I’ll jump in now after reading the first and last page.

I can’t imagine traveling with only two pair of Nike shorts and T-shirts. I can see a kid only wearing those things, but, come on. Packing nothing else?

Here’s a story that will make me sound like an old fuddy-duddy. I took ds2’s then-gf to the airport so she could fly to DC to see him in college. They hadn’t seen each other in months, it was her first time meeting all his friends, and everyone knows that kids at this particular school tend to “dress.” I was really surprised that she was in the exact outfit described by OP – Nike shorts, a huge T-shirt (so large that it looked really sloppy), Keds and little ankle socks. I have to admit that I judged. I just don’t know why anyone would think it was OK to fly looking like that, why she wouldn’t want to look “nicer” when reuniting with the bf, why you’d pick that outfit when meeting people for the first time, etc. Mind you, I am not the kind of person who dresses to impress; I never wear heels, not vain at all, but as casual as I am I do think it was a little much. Or not enough, as it were.