<p>My 18 yr old daughter, hs sr., and her 19 yr old friend, college soph, planned an overnight visit to a mutual friend who lives 2 1/2 hours from home. Last night my daughter tells me that the other girl’s mom wants her to drive. Ok, I don’t have a problem with that. Then she tells me that the mom wants her to drive my daughter’s car because her sister is home from college and they share a car, so she can’t take their shared car. I think that is ridiculous. Its not like my daughter has had a bunch of tickets or is inexperienced in driving distances. She regularly makes this drive, as well as a 4 hour drive to another city. Her friend has driven my daughter’s car once, two years ago when she first got it, for 5 miles to the mall. My husband said no, it is my daughter’s car and if they are taking her car, she should drive. I agree with him, but the other mother is insisting her daughter drive or they can’t go. They are supposed to leave a 10:00am. What do you think? Are we being unreasonable?</p>
<p>The other mom seriously is taking the lead to decide how YOUR car (your daughter’s) car should be driven?!</p>
<p>Just no. Other mom needs to deal, or state her concerns, fork up a car for her D to drive, or just say “no” to the trip for her D.</p>
<p>I would say “no” too. If the other girl is driving your D’s car and wrecks it, your insurance has to pay for it and the other girl and her family get off scott free even if the accident was her fault.<br>
We know this from experience.</p>
<p>I strongly agree with the two other posters. Dictating that her daughter will drive your car is just crazy.</p>
<p>Adding another voice to the chorus – other mother is WAY out of line.</p>
<p>What gall. I agree with those above. No to anyone else driving my daughters’ cars.</p>
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<p>Folks who are NOT on our insurance do NOT drive our cars. I know the cars are covered but that is our family rule. If someone asked me, I would politely say NO…your child is not on our insurance…if you want her to drive you will have to provide your own car.</p>
<p>My kids would understand this. </p>
<p>I think it’s mighty gutsy to ask someone else to PROVIDE a car for another kid to drive. If they want that…tell them to RENT her a car. It will be pricey but that will be that.</p>
<p>Really? What planet does this woman live on?</p>
<p>I wonder if this mom doesn’t want her daughter to go so is putting ridiculous restrictions out there so she’s not the bad guy but you are. The answer is NO to her daughter driving your car. If she chooses to have her daughter not join your daughter on the trip, that’s her problem, not yours. You know your daughter understands, even if she’s a bit upset right now.</p>
<p>Thank you! I told my daughter that either she drives her car, they drive in her friend’s car or they take the train and have their friend pick them up. She is upset that her plans have changed, but understands. She knows the rules and doesn’t have a problem with it. I have no clue what is up with the other mom, she hasn’t called me, so I only know what her daughter has told my daughter.</p>
<p>You say your daughter does not have “a bunch of tickets”. Does she have any? Of course it may NOT be the case, but this mom may know something about your daughter’s driving habits that you don’t… Although I would not do what this mom is doing (and if I were you I would not let the other kid drive my car), I do have preferences for which friends my daughter rides in a car with. This was more true when they were 16/17 years old, though.</p>
<p>I like the train idea better anyway! :)</p>
<p>intparent - I’m not disagreeing with your questions of how many is not ‘a bunch of tickets’, however if I were the parent of the 19yo and felt I had a legitimate concern regarding the 18yo’s driving, it would be up to me to parent my child and say ‘I’m sorry. I’m not comfortable with Suzie driving. We don’t have a car available for you to take so this isn’t going to happen.’ The 19yo’s mom is passing the buck, making a wholly unreasonable requirement that her daughter drive a car that she is not insured on, she doesn’t have legal responsibility for, and no experience driving. She doesn’t want to be the ‘bad-guy’ and is knowingly passing that on to the OP.</p>
<p>fishymom, Good for you for talking to your daughter and sticking to what you know is right. Sure she was disappointed, but she’s not 8yo… she knows what her friends mom was asking was unreasonable.</p>
<p>Wow, I can’t believe how pushy people are.</p>
<p>This is the kind of situation where you gotta just say back off and except things might get awkward for a bit.</p>
<p>Don’t let yourself get bullied.</p>
<p>OP - Count yourself lucky. The other mom might have demanded a new wardrobe and shopping money for her D too! “Three grand should cover it … in cash, 'cause I’m not sure your check is good.”</p>
<p>No tickets, my daughter has a clean driving record. And I don’t know what the other mom could possibly know about my daughter’s driving habits, her daughter goes to school 1500 miles away and they rarely see each other. In any case, we keep pretty close tabs on my daughter and her driving and I am confident in her ability and her judgement.</p>
<p>I agree that the other mom is trying to make me be the bad guy, for whatever reason. I have known her for many years and she has be quite unreasonable in the past, but this one takes the cake!</p>
<p>So fishymom…what happened? </p>
<p>I guess in this case, I might have called the other mom. MY kids were not permitted to drive OTHER folks’ cars either…and they knew it. Same reason…insurance liability. I’m wondering what the other MOM really said…if this is coming from the kiddo.</p>
<p>They cancelled the trip. The friend they were going to see couldn’t pick them up from the train station, no car, so that was that. I haven’t bothered to call the other mom because my daughter is ok with not going, but I will talk to her about it next time I see her.</p>
<p>Gotta wonder…since this was coming from the daughter and not the mom…maybe the DAUGHTER didn’t really want to go and couldn’t think of a way to get out of going. Can’t wait to hear what the mom says when you see her…eventually.</p>
<p>^^^Interesting possibility, she has been known to change plans at the last moment, quite often actually. Maybe she changed her mind about going and didn’t want my daughter to get mad at her for cancelling, again. The funny thing is, the friend they were going to see was her friend from high school. My daughter became friends with him through her. And she just saw him a few weeks ago. Oh well, guess I won’t know until I talk to her mom.</p>