Is it natural to feel alienated from friends in high school?

<p>Hands down, the most frustrating thing I’ve had to deal with this year (besides managing my rather heavy senior year coursework) is the feeling of alienation from my friends. Freshmen and sophomore year was an absolute blast with my friends. We had so many laughs and fond memories, and even if one of us wasn’t feeling quite normal that day, we would forgive them, support them if needed, and let them recover until they were themselves again. </p>

<p>But now that I’m a senior in high school and spent more time with my friends, I can feel that everyone… has changed. Of course, this applies to me too, and everyone is probably changing as they are finding themselves, but I can tell a lot of my friends are not exactly the same people as I knew them back in freshmen year or middle school. For example, I used to hang out with two other girls and teachers would always know us as “that one trio” and we would always do projects together because we would have so much fun bounding ideas off of each other and making projects so crazy awesome teachers would know to expect something cool from us. Now? One of them is too busy talking to another group of friends to seem to notice me, and the other always makes me feel like I shouldn’t be talking to her because she always seems to purposely talk to me only when necessary, and whenever she’s around other people, she’s so happy and joking and over the top and… everything, and I just can’t create that same atmosphere with her around. It’s like she doesn’t really want to talk to me anymore.</p>

<p>I’m not saying that all my friends have been like this. I have had very interesting friends this year, yet I don’t talk to them as much as I’d like to. One of which is this guy in my English class who appears to be a total jerk and ALWAYS ends up arguing with his best friends (in a friendly way, of course), but he’s a good guy deep inside. Another is a very shy girl who is secretly snarks at people whenever she has the chance. It’s weird because we kinda don’t look like we have much in common, but we do. And when I’m with people like them, it’s like I don’t have to worry if I am really their friend or not, because I know I am their friend. I’m comfortable with them and we don’t have to care what the world says when we’re together. </p>

<p>Too bad I can’t say that with some of my old friends anymore. </p>

<p>Before anyone says anything, let me say that I have tried to reconnect with the old friends through various methods. I’ve tried talking to them more, I’ve tried hanging out with them more, and I have tried finding friends who possibly have the same interests/ideas/etc as me. However, sometimes I feel like the more the year has went on for me, the more I wonder if I had anything much in common with my old friends. It gets hard to talk to some of them because I really just don’t know what to talk to them about besides something stupid. Some of them also seem to lock me out of events or conversations, or tell their friends (who are also my close friends) about events, but don’t bother to tell me themselves that I’m invited too. This may or may not be unintentional, but it still feels disheartening at times. It’s like “Oh I’m having this event coming up we’ll have so much fun!” and then when I get word of it I feel like they have this attitude that says “Oh, um, you can come too if you want.” Obviously, I do want to ask why it feels like they treat me so differently from other piers, but I know I won’t exactly get a straight answer from them. </p>

<p>Is this normal, especially this late in my high school life? Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, what’s one of the best ways to try to overcome it? I really do want to believe that they are still my friends, but I don’t know if it’s right to do so.</p>

<p>I would just say talk to them. Ask them if they are your friends still. Ask them if things changed between you and them. That will probably resolve your situation, one way or another. You may not want to do that though.</p>

<p>They probably just can’t wait to graduate, and are thinking college. Trust me when people say “high school’s better than college”, they definitely are right. Freshman year your friends don’t give a crap about their future, so they’re living the moment. No that you’re a senior, your friends most definitely aren’t alienating you, but probably sick of high school by now</p>

<p>@enfieldacademy: Although I do want to talk to them about this issue, I’m worried that if I bring it up, it may hurt my relationship with them or give them the perception that I’m too much of a worrywart. </p>

<p>@connorb123: You bring up a good point. And don’t you mean “college is better than high school?” cause right now I do believe everyone in my grade does have that mentality where they just want to get out of high school and are starting to give up on stuff, including studying for APs. Quite honestly, I do think we’re just sick of the high school world. Really hoping that college is indeed as better as everyone makes it out to be.
I really hope that is the case and that we haven’t changed for good. I would feel pretty sad if it continued even in freshmen year of college.</p>

<p>^whoops, lol you’re right I did mean “college is better than high school.”</p>

<p>I’ve noticed that too… I’m glad I am not alone. I go to an all girl’s school where close groups have already been formed… last year I found a group but this year they merged with another group and they don’t even acknowledge me. My other friend’s best friend left last year and she gulps down her lunch in two seconds and darts out, leaving me there alone near people I don’t know very well… I have felt very alienated this year and sometimes I wish I had more support, especially since this is junior year for me and a very stressful one at that.</p>

<p>It’s not natural…</p>

<p>I believe it’s pretty normal! I’m a junior and this happened to me as well. I was really close to these 2 girls and we just stopped and talking. I tried to patch things up but it was unsuccessful. My point of view: find people who DO love you and accept you and like to hang out with you instead of wasting your breath on those who don’t. College will present many new opportunities.I believe things happen for a reason so try to breathe and ask yourself if they were truly your friends now would they put you through this? I’m not saying they were never your friends, I’m just saying maybe they aren’t now. This might sound harsh,but it’s reality. We learn from the things that push us on the floor. GOOD LUCK!!! and and enjoy the rest of your senior YEAR!!</p>

<p>I’m a junior and I’ve pretty much been experiencing the same thing.</p>

<p>^same here.</p>

<p>I’m slowly drifting away from my pals who are less future minded. Not everyone needs to be like that, but I feel as if I need to focus more on who I am and where I want to be, so I surround myself with people like that.</p>

<p>If you and your friends all have the same mindset then they are just ready to get the heck out of highscool. It probably has nothing to do with you.</p>

<p>I agree with all of you. It’s happened to me. Not alienation, just being tired of everyone.</p>

<p>I know how you feel. It happened to me last year. I used to hang out with the people who are now the popular kids. But they weren’t popular before…</p>

<p>We were all pretty close, but something in the dynamic change for us, and I didn’t like it.</p>

<p>They didn’t notice anything, but seeing as I was to the side more often than not, I did. When I finally left, I found some people who meshed more with me. I liked it. They didn’t make me feel left out, and they even include me way too much now. (I’m not complaining.)</p>

<p>They’ve become my friends, and even though they won’t replace the others, they helped me get over the loss.</p>

<p>When the next year came, I was assigned a seat near them. They had morphed. They were Forever 21 Fashionistas. They hung out in a different place altogether. They just kinda forgot about me…</p>

<p>But to be honest, I’m glad I did. They became not-so-reputable people. They cheat. And for a person who’s never done it and thinks it’s the most appalling thing you could do, I find myself lucky I’m not going with them anymore.</p>