<p>I’ve been trying to get into dating fairly recently, and to be honest, I’m not very good at it. I’m shy and not all that pretty. Nonetheless, I do want to do this.</p>
<p>Here’s the thing. I know I can’t afford to be too picky, but I do want guys I date or get into a relationship with to be at least somewhat nice and at least somewhat attractive (to me anyway), and at least somewhat near my age.</p>
<p>This might sound a bit silly, but would you say it’s ok for me to rule out black guys, at least for the time being? I just don’t find them attractive. Most of the ones I’ve met (typically not on campus) did not seem very respectful or all that great in personality either, from what I can tell.<br>
Perhaps at a later time, I would consider dating someone who is black if I otherwise like him, think he’s nice, find him interesting, etc.
However, since I’m just starting out with this whole dating thing, is it ok for the time being to stick to dating whites, Asians, and just generally guys I do find attractive in personality and looks?</p>
<p>Just wondered if you had any thoughts on this.</p>
<p>Your ethnicity should not matter for this question. You should only ever date people you feel attracted to (note: this doesn’t mean that they have to fit in with society’s definitions of attractive, nor does it only consider looks), it doesn’t make you racist to not find people of a particular ethnicity attractive. Do not assume that, based on the black people that you know, that all black people are that way. Generalizing people IS racist, and I would advise you to keep your mind open to anyone, regardless of race. If you like a guy you shouldn’t let that person’s race stop you from dating them (assuming their feelings correspond to your own).</p>
<p>I can’t tell if this is a ■■■■■ post and you’re looking for reactions because I don’t read people well. But if you are serious, I think as long as you aren’t rude or racist it is your business who you are attracted to and nobody else’s, but if you don’t want to upset people and hurt feelings, just a standard polite rejection without bringing race or attraction into it is fine. I suggest not laughing or smirking, just saying casually “I’m flattered but I just see us as friends.” Take it from a guy who’s been rejected when I’m not even actually trying to hook up. I had a female friend who, even without any hint of attraction from me, and even after we hung out a few times without even hugging, she’d get all serious when we were picking a movie to see and would sternly say “you know we’re just friends, right?!” as if anything more with me would be repulsive. It got quite insulting so I stopped talking to her. Speaking of attraction, ironically she was quite unattractive and obese. </p>
<p>You can’t say you’re unattractive and therefore can’t be picky and then eliminate a complete group of potential dates. Beggars can’t be choosers sunshine.</p>
<p>Thanks for your responses so far.
To answer a few questions that have been posed, one, this is not a ■■■■■ post. I guess I just don’t have the best social skills; either that or it’s my lack of experience.<br>
As for the question about my ethnicity, I’m white. I have a little bit of Asian ethnicity as well, but not much, and it doesn’t really show up in my physical appearance.</p>
<p>I agree that physical appearance and ethnicity shouldn’t be the only consideration, or necessarily even the main consideration. It would seem shallow to me if it were. I think that’s why, in some ways, I’ve felt a bit guilty for just not finding blacks attractive. Some of them have shown an interest in me, and I don’t find them attractive, and I’m not comfortable with the idea of dating a black guy. Especially since I’m so inexperienced. I’d like my first boyfriend-girlfriend relationship to be something appealing.</p>
<p>Similarly, I don’t find Black girls (or anyone with darker skin than my own really - even if they are White) attractive. It’s not because I think Blacks are terrible people or anything, I’m just not into them. This type of thing is normal, and most people prefer their own (or inter-race between Whites, Jews, and Asians). It’s not something you should worry about. It’s not just about looks even, there’s a big cultural difference between Whites and Blacks. There’s a reason why you don’t see Mulattoes every day. </p>
<p>That said, you’re way over thinking this. People don’t generally consciously categorize people they’d date in this way. Racial preferences are instinct, not reasoned through, generally. </p>
<p>I’m black, and I don’t find this offensive, just a little weird. If you don’t like black guys, don’t date them. But like someone mentioned don’t stereotype a whole category of people based on a couple of examples. Look at Obama, he would not have gotten elected if he fit into that stereotype.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>We really can’t help who we find attractive and who we don’t. It is not racist to say that you find certain physical features a turn-off.</p></li>
<li><p>I do wish you would not make hasty generalizations about the personalities of black guys. It’s possible that the ones you have met all share a similar background and therefore behave in similar ways. When you’ve seen more of the world, I’m sure you will meet a wide variety of people and realize that not all black guys are alike. (But it’s still OK if you’re not attracted to them.)</p></li>
<li><p>beachlover15’s remarks about beggars and choosers are completely uncalled for. Please ignore them.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I had assumed you were a different ethnicity so I thought I’d be able to bring up my specific experiences with this matter. I feel like when someone says they aren’t attracted to a certain ethnicity, there’s more to it than just a preference. I don’t know, I guess I can say that because I have a reason why I like who I like, but that doesn’t mean I’m unattracted to a specific race, I just gravatate toward lighter brown shades (of all ethnicities) because I am that shade. It’s just if someone says (for example ) they aren’t attracted to black females, I always wonder if it’s because of stereotypes, or something appearance-wise (ie wider nose). And I just find that a little…interesting, I suppose. I’m not sure how to feel about that really. It’s a preference, but based on what I wonder. </p>
So you’ll date a guy of any race as long as you like him and think he’s nice and interesting? What does any of this have to do with black guys specifically?</p>
<p>My boyfriend, well, we are just friends now, is a different race. I really like him. But, culturally, we are just too different. I doubt I will date someone of a different race again now. It is not racism, it is fine to want to date someone in your own culture. If you are not attracted to someone who looks a certain way, has a certain culture, is a certain race, education level, religion, whatever…that is fine! You are not a beggar. You are not “so bad” that you HAVE to go out with whoever will take you. There will be someone for you eventually. Stop thinking so poorly of yourself. That is where miserable relationships, and even abusive ones begin. You feel you HAVE to “settle” for someone you don’t even like because you yourself are just so terrible, and you just MUST be in a relationship, so you stay with a person who is not right for you, good for you, a good match, etc.</p>
<p>It’s ok to not be attracted to people. You shouldn’t just rule out an entire race, because you might find your self falling in love with a black guy, but if you’re not attracted to someone, you don’t have to date them because they’re nice of smart or whatever. </p>